Nothing Left to Lose (Guarded Hearts 1)

I smiled gratefully. “Thank you, these are incredible.”

“Open the others,” she instructed, nodding at them.

I grabbed the next one and ripped it open to find a gorgeous gold watch. “Wow, this is beautiful, thank you.”

I picked up the last one. It was wrapped in different paper than the other two. I smiled and ripped it open to reveal another shoe box. I smiled over at my parents who were watching me intently. When I lifted the lid, I’d expected another pair of gorgeous shoes; instead, my eyes landed on a perfectly dried white rose with a green ribbon tied around the stem, a bag of cola flavour fizzy candy, a small book called ‘Graphic design and the meaning of colours and shapes’, and a photo album. I frowned in confusion. This wasn’t the type of thing my parents usually bought; usually it was all about the cost, thought didn’t really come into the equation. I glanced over at my mom, seeing her sad smile and concerned eyes. That was when it dawned on me – this wasn’t from them, it was from Ashton. I should have realised as soon as I saw the rose.

A lump had suddenly formed in my throat, and I tried my best to swallow around it. My hands shook as I picked up the photo album, flicking through to the first page. A photo of me, Ashton, and his friends in LA. My heart squeezed painfully. I thumbed through the rest quickly, seeing that every page was filled with photos of me laughing, me and Ashton together at school, at a bar, on vacation, or at my dad’s party. In some we were joking around in the bed, holding it at arm’s length, our faces filling the whole picture where we couldn’t get it far enough away. I smiled and flicked to the last page, there was a birthday card there. I couldn’t open it now, I could already feel tears prickling my eyes so I snapped it shut and put it back in the box.

“That was sent here a couple of days ago. He asked for me to give it to you on your birthday,” my dad said, regarding me curiously.

I nodded. “Yeah, he’s very thoughtful,” I replied, trying not to let my emotions bubble over. The sweetness of Ashton came flooding back to me, almost making me burst into a fresh round of sobs, but I held it in somehow.

“He’s been calling like crazy this morning. He wants to make sure you’re okay, what with the day and everything. Why don’t you give him a call?” Dad suggested, as if it was that easy.

“I already texted him this morning,” I said casually. I couldn’t talk about him anymore, my insides were squirming, my eyes stinging with tears. I decided to change the subject before I broke down in front of my parents. “I think I’ll wear my new shoes today,” I smiled at my mom, hoping she’d help me out a little. She did. As if knowing I couldn’t cope with this heavy conversation, she started cooing about the shoes and other things that she had seen that I might like at the store. I just smiled and nodded along, grateful to be talking about something other than Ashton.

Once the breakfast was over, I headed up to my room and plopped down on the bed, pulling over the box from Ashton. I took out the dried rose and smiled as I put it on my bedside cabinet; it was perfectly dried and still beautiful. I laughed as I grabbed the fizzy candy; they were my favourites, he’d obviously remembered.

Lastly, I picked up the photo album, hesitantly looking through the pictures again, laughing at some of the funny ones where we were pulling faces or fooling around. I ran my finger over his handsome, smiling face. The pictures made me miss him even more, if that was possible. I moaned when I got to one of him kissing me and holding me tight. I would give anything for him to be here with me now.

When I got to the last page, I pulled out the card and took a deep breath before opening it. The front was fairly simple, it was a vase filled with white roses on a farmhouse kitchen table. I smiled, thinking about how long he must have been looking for the perfect card before he found this one. I opened it to see his messy writing inside; it wasn’t just a happy birthday message, he’d written me a letter inside.

Anna,

I hope you have a really great birthday, you deserve to. I didn’t know what to get you, I didn’t know if you’d be allowed to go and do anything because of the whole guard situation, otherwise I would have bought you tickets for that show on Broadway that you wanted to go see, that’s what I was planning on getting you before all this happened.

So instead of a bought gift, I’ve given you the next best thing. I’ve bundled all of my happiest memories into this album for you. These are the best things that ever happened to me and every single one of them involved you. I know they didn’t mean the same to you as they did me, but you looked so happy at the time.

Please give me another chance. We can just be friends, please? I really miss you, I hope you miss me too. Look at the album and remember how happy I could make you. Please, Baby Girl.

I know today is going to be really hard for you and I wish you would let me be there for you, but I guess I can understand why you won’t. You once promised me you wouldn’t do anything bad today, please, please, please keep that promise Baby Girl, please. Your life means so much to me and I can’t bear the thought of you hurting yourself.

Anyway, I guess I’d better let you go and enjoy your birthday. I hope you’re doing something fun.

Happy 20th birthday, Anna.

It doesn’t matter to me how many miles you put between us, I still love you and I always will.

Ashton

xxx

P.s Nate and the guys wish you happy birthday too x

I read the letter three times; uncontrollable tears rolled down my face. My heart was aching, my whole being just screaming for him. I flopped back onto my bed and closed my eyes, hugging myself tightly. I could picture every single one of those memories without the photos, and they were the best things that had ever happened to me too.