Fighting to Be Free (Fighting to Be Free 1)

His hands traced up my sides, making my skin prickle like it always did when he touched me. They came to rest on my throat. His fingers wrapped around my neck, his thumbs applying the softest pressure against my larynx. I raised one eyebrow at him casually, knowing he was just trying to frighten me, but it wasn’t going to work.

“I loved her too, but I still killed her,” he hissed. His grip tightened just enough to let me know where his hands were, but he applied no pressure at all.

He’d just admitted it. He’d just told me that he killed his sister. I didn’t know how to react, but somehow I knew it wasn’t true. How he reacted, how angry he got when I said the words, I knew he hadn’t done it. He was clearly outraged and hurt that I had even suggested it in the first place.

I didn’t break eye contact as I shook my head awkwardly because of the placement of his hands.

“Jamie, just cut the act. You wouldn’t hurt me so stop acting like you would. I’m not scared of you,” I promised.

His jaw tightened as he moved impossibly closer, pressing me into the wall with his hard body.

“You should be, Ellie. That information that Mark gave you was right, I am a convicted murderer, and not the accident kind either. I did kill my baby sister. I also beat someone to death with my bare hands, the same hands that are currently wrapped around your throat. I beat him until he was dead and even then I didn’t stop, the police had to drag me away to get me to stop. Don’t think I’m not dangerous, Ellie. I don’t regret what I did; I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”

My brain struggled to comprehend what he was saying. I wasn’t sure what to think or feel anymore, everything was so jumbled in my head that it was making my ears ring. Looking at Jamie as he pinned me against the wall, I knew only two things for certain. One, he wouldn’t hurt me, and two, I loved him so much that somehow this revelation didn’t matter to me.

Behind the tough, scary act that he was putting forth trying to frighten me away from him, his eyes were begging me to stay, to love him unconditionally.

I raised my hand and gripped his wrist, pulling his hand away from my throat as I shook my head.

“Stop it, Jamie. It’s not gonna work. Now just tell me what you should have told me six months ago, and stop trying to scare me away from you so that you don’t have to deal with it,” I ordered.

His face softened as he looked at me shocked. It was almost as if he honestly thought I was going to run out of here screaming. He closed his eyes as I slid my hand down his arm to take his hand, squeezing gently in prompt. It didn’t really matter what he said next, I’d already made up my mind; his past was his past and had no bearing on the future that I still envisioned us having. Looking at the boy standing in front of me, I didn’t see a murderer, instead I saw marriage and babies; I saw grandchildren, grey hair and anniversary parties. Yes I wanted to know the truth, but only so that nothing could ever come between us again.

“I love you, Jamie, but no more secrets. Stop shutting me out, please,” I begged.

He groaned, putting his forehead against mine, his breath blowing across my lips as he breathed that little bit too fast. His other hand that was still wrapped around my throat, moved to the side, cupping my neck instead, his thumb stroking my cheek softly.

“It’s bad, Ellie,” he whispered.

I nodded, trying to prepare myself once and for all to hear about his past. I was confident in the knowledge that whatever came out of his mouth, I was doomed to be in love with him regardless.

I wrapped my free arm around his waist, clamping him to me as he spoke. “Ralf Montgomery. He was my mom’s pimp, and the prick who killed my little sister right in front of me, that’s who I murdered.”

Chapter 23

I held my breath as I digested his words. First off, his mom was a prostitute? And secondly, her pimp had killed Jamie’s sister, right in front of him? He was a fourteen year old boy and he’d watched his sister get murdered? I didn’t know what to feel more, horror at the whole situation, or pity because no one should have to see anything like that and his past was going to be a hell of a lot worse than I could have possibly imagined. I tightened my arm on his waist, clamping him to me as his uneven breath blew across my face.

“Oh God, Jamie, I’m so sorry,” I whispered, feeling my chin tremble as I struggled not to burst into tears for him.

He nodded, pulling back, his eyes dropping to the floor. I’d never seen anyone look so sad and defeated in my life, it was gut wrenching to see such a strong and beautiful person have so much pain etched across their face. “So there you go. Happy to be included now?” he asked harshly.

My mouth dropped open in shock as he pulled away from me quickly and turned his back on me, his back stiff as he fisted both hands into his hair. I didn’t know what to say. Yes I was happy to be included because I wanted to be included in every part of his life, but in another way heck no I wished I didn’t know that information. I had a feeling that what he was going to tell me about his childhood was going to make me cry myself to sleep for days when I thought about what he’d been put through.

Because I had no words, I did the only thing I could think of. I stepped closer to him and pressed my face into his shoulder blades, breathing him in, my arms circling around his waist. I felt his stomach muscles tense under my hands as he drew in a sharp breath. I got the distinct impression he was still kind of hoping that I’d tell him I wasn’t interested in him anymore now that I was getting to the truth. It would probably be easier for him if I was to walk out of here; he wouldn’t have to relive it again as he spoke about it. But I wasn’t going to make it that easy on him, I would stand here and hold him for as long as it took for him to realise that he was stuck with me regardless.