“You’re wrong. I do need you in my life,” I corrected. I went up on tiptoes and tried to press my lips to his but he was too tall, so I settled for kissing the edge of his jaw instead. He made a sort of whimper noise as his hands went to my hips, pulling me against him so tightly that my body was almost crushed against his. He bent and buried his face in my hair as I snaked my arms around his waist, hugging him fiercely.
“I need you too. I love you, Ellie, so so much,” he mumbled into my hair.
We stood there holding each other until I couldn’t stand the silence any longer. “What happened?” I asked, meaning with Sophie.
He sighed and guided me over to the sofa again. He sat and pulled me close to his side, his arm was too tight on me, my shoulders were starting to ache because he’d clamped me to him so tightly, but I didn’t say anything about it, he obviously felt like he needed to keep hold of me so I wasn’t going to ruin that security feeling for him.
“I decided to leave. I came up with a plan for me and Sophie to leave and that I’d take care of her on my own. I was already doing that anyway but I thought that if we left that it’d be better for both of us. Trouble is I had no money. I started asking around to see if anyone wanted to give me a job, but I was only twelve and no one wanted a school kid working for them. Then one day this guy came to the house and had this huge blow out with Ralf about something. I’d hidden at the top of the stairs and listened to them argue. Apparently Ralf had promised to do some robbery job for this guy and he was backing out or something. I followed the guy out and asked if I could do the job instead. He said no because I was a kid, but he did offer me something else. A delivery job. I didn’t ask what I was delivering, I didn’t need to know. All I needed to know was that he paid me a hundred bucks for it. I came back the next day and did another delivery after school and got more money, and then the guy asked if I wanted to do more jobs,” he explained.
Understanding washed over me. “This was how you got tangled up with Brett,” I said, nodding.
“Mmm hmm.” He nodded. “It started out easy, delivery job here and there. Then things got more involved and I got paid more. Money seemed to be all I could think about. The more jobs I did, the more money I got and the closer I got to having enough for me and Soph to start over on our own.
So I started skipping school all the time and I’d hang out at his workshop and the guys that worked for him. I started training with them all too, doing weights and fighting and stuff so I learnt a lot about self-defence, but I continued to let Ralf do what he wanted so that he wouldn’t know that I was planning on leaving with Soph. Ray, the head mechanic, he would let me help him with the cars, showing me how to fix them and stuff. By the time I’d been there for six months, I could strip and engine and put it back together again. Ray also showed me how to steal them. Turns out I was pretty good at it,” he said laughing quietly.
I smiled despite myself because for some reason the slight change in his tone of voice made the situation lighten, his tone when he spoke about cars was miles apart from when he was telling me about his childhood. I welcomed the rest bite in the bad stuff, I liked that he was happy about something - even if it was something illegal.
“I was saving up. I decided to wait until I was sixteen so that I could rent a place legally. A couple of years passed of it all, then one day I spent too long at the warehouse. Ray and I got caught up cooing over some sports car, funny how I can’t even remember what the car looked like now,” he said, frowning, as he obviously tried to recall that insignificant detail. “I was fourteen, and Sophie was seven. I was late home. He’d been drinking and I guess because I wasn’t there to-” He stopped talking and squeezed his eyes shut as he shook his head.
“Jamie?” I prompted when he didn’t carry on speaking.
“It was my fault,” he whispered suddenly.
“What? No.” I shook my head fiercely.
He nodded. “Yeah. I should have gone home straight away; if I had done then he wouldn’t have laid his dirty pervert hands on her.” He choked on a sob and I felt my heart crashing in my chest. “He….
hurt her. When I walked in the lounge she was sobbing in the corner while he sat there and-” He groaned and I dug my fingers in his thigh as I finished his sentence in my head. I’d never heard of anything so sick in my life. Who the hell gets off on seeing a child in pain? I felt dirty even thinking about it.
“Where was your mom?” I asked, the tears flowing down my face freely now.
He gulped. “Just sitting there,” he said disbelievingly. His chin trembled and I saw a tear fall down his face and drop onto his jeans.
I covered my mouth as I whimpered. She’d just sat there while her boyfriend had physically abused her daughter and then was getting himself off because of it? That made her just as guilty as if she’d done it herself in my book.
“Sophie was just cowering in the corner, crying, her nose bleeding, her lip split. He’d used the knife that he used to use on me, and sliced a big gash on her forearm. She was so little and he was just sitting there, jacking off while he watched her cry. I just totally lost it. I knew we couldn’t stay there any more so I told them we were leaving, I shouted at Sophie to get up and pack a bag, but he got between us. He said we weren’t going anywhere, that he owned us all and that Sophie was going to earn him money too when she was old enough.” His face was red from anger as he spoke.