Fighting to Be Free (Fighting to Be Free 1)

“A year,” I repeated, trying to get my head around it. Three hundred and sixty-five days without seeing her face or kissing her goodnight. This was going to kill me.

He nodded, closing his file. “I think it’s the best I can do, I’m sorry I can’t do more but I can get all other charges dropped I’m sure of it. But you’ll have to take the consequences of that one in order for me to give them something in exchange.”

I gulped and nodded in agreement, knowing that I wasn’t going to get a better deal than that. At the moment I was facing charges of drugs, possession of a firearm and resisting arrest, plus they would be looking into the car stuff too. If I agreed with his plan then the only thing that would go on my record was the gun. I was getting off lightly here, one year as opposed to about ten. I had to take it.

“Okay,” I agreed.

He smiled and stood up. “I’m going to go and speak to my friend and negotiate the other stuff away.

You need anything?” he asked, cocking his head to the side.

I gulped. “Think maybe I could get my phone call now? I need to speak to Ellie and tell her that it looks like I won’t be able to take her travelling for a while,” I croaked.

He nodded, reaching into his pocket, pulling out a cellphone. “Here, use this no one will know. The number’s blocked on there anyway.” He tossed the expensive looking phone at me and I caught it just in time.

“Thanks,” I muttered, dreading making this call. “Can I make two calls?”

“So long as the other one isn’t to do anything illegal,” he joked, winking at me.

I half laughed despite the horror that was settling in the pit of my stomach. “No, I just want to call a friend of mine too. I need to tell him what’s happened and ask him to go and speak to Ellie, she’s not gonna take this well I don’t think.”

He smiled sympathetically and squeezed my shoulder. “Ellie’s a good girl; if she loves you then she’ll wait for you to get out.” He turned and walked out of the door, closing it behind him leaving me in silence.

I looked down at the phone and groaned. I knew his words were right, I knew she would wait for me but this phone call was going to be the most painful call I’d ever made in my life.

Chapter 27

I gulped and pressed my forehead against the cold, hard wood of the table. My attorney’s words were playing over and over in my head, “Ellie’s a good girl; if she loves you, she’ll wait for you.”

That was the trouble. I knew she was a good girl, I knew she’d play the dutiful little girlfriend, waiting patiently for my release, visiting me every week, writing me letters sprayed with her perfume. I knew she wouldn’t see other guys - and that was the problem. I didn’t want that for her.

She was better than that, better than me. Someone like Ellie should be treated like a princess, not as a convict’s girlfriend. It wasn’t fair of me to put that on her, she shouldn’t have to go without things and be on her own - and it wasn’t fair of me to let her do it. I knew she would, without question, still love me and want to be with me, the only way that girl was breaking up with me was if I told her I didn’t want her anymore.

My heart hurt. I was torn. The selfish part of me wanted her to wait. Knowing that she was waiting for me would make the time go faster because I could count down each day until the next time I saw her again. After fifty-two visits I’d get to walk out of there and into her arms. I could almost taste it the vision was so sweet. But the part of me that loved her more than anything in the world, refused to let that happen.

I knew I had to call her and this was going to be the hardest phone call I’d ever had to make.

Knowing I was going to hurt her was tearing me up inside and I wanted to punch myself in punishment. She wouldn’t take this well, I already knew that. So I’d have to call Ray after and get him to help her understand. He’d make her see that she was better than me in the first place. He’d stop her hurting; at least, that’s what I hoped.

Self-pity was weighing down on me. Why did this have to happen to me? Was I really that bad a person that I had to just keep being punished over and over? What had I done so wrong for karma to put this on me again? After everything I’d already been through, now I was going back to jail and losing the only thing that was good in my life. Tears stung my eyes because I really didn’t want to do this, but I had to.

I gulped and dialled her number that I knew by heart. Silently I prayed that I could get the words out before the ginormous lie choked me. I had to do it. I loved her too much to let her spend her life waiting for me. She deserved better than that, better than a scumbag boyfriend who would never be good enough for her in a million years. I was wrong to think that I’d ever be free of this life. For the last couple of months I’d been living a fantasy, dreaming of being free of it all and things being different, but that’s all it was, wishful thinking. This is who I was, just a no good waster with dreams of making something of themselves.

~ Ellie ~

An annoying shrill sound was blaring near my head, making my ears ring as it dragged me into consciousness. I groaned, rolling over stretching my hand out for my cellphone that was vibrating on the side. As my hand closed over it I blinked my stinging eyes and looked at the clock. 6:23 a.m.

Who on earth would be calling me at this time of the morning? The ringtone was just the standard bell phone so I knew it wasn’t anyone that I had stored in my contacts. One glance at the caller ID confirmed that fact because the words ‘private number’ were flashing on my screen.