“Whatever,” she huffed, setting down her fork and pushing her half-eaten food away from her.
I sighed. “Kels, how long are you going to be like this with me?”
She shoved her chair back, making a loud screeching noise. Her face contorted, her nose scrunched in anger. “Until you leave and abandon me again!” She grabbed her bag and stormed out of the room, not giving me a chance to reply. I didn’t even have a reply. I was stunned into silence. My brain was replaying the word abandon over and over. Is that what she thought? That I had abandoned her? I knew she hadn’t wanted me to leave home, but I’d never thought she would hold animosity toward me for it.
I looked up at my nana for some wise words, but she just shrugged, her smile sad and sympathetic. “Keep at it, she’ll come around.” She placed a pancake and a couple of slices of bacon on a plate before setting it in front of me. “Eat up, you need to keep your strength up, darling.”
“Thanks.”
“Still okay to take me home this morning so I can grab a few things?” she asked.
“Of course.”
“Thank you, Ellie. I’ve washed this dress three times already this week. I’ve tried borrowing some of your mother’s clothes, but they don’t really fit me. Sadly she’s much more ample in the bosom department than I am,” she said, pointing down at her basically flat chest. “Ruth has what I think you kids call a ‘great rack.’ ”
I laughed, almost choking on my coffee. Hearing my eighty-year-old grandmother saying the words great rack was not something I’d ever imagined happening in my life.
* * *
The drive to Mount Pocono, where my grandmother lived, was pleasant, as always. When we pulled up outside the familiar wooden-slatted house, I couldn’t help but smile. I had many great memories of this place. My grandparents had lived here for as long as I could remember, retiring out here to a quieter life. Sadly, about six years ago, my grandfather had passed, leaving Nana alone. We’d come out to see her as much as possible, my parents making the trip every Saturday to spend the day here with her before coming home. Kelsey and I were frequent weekend visitors too, and Nana Betty had her friends and clubs to keep her busy. She wasn’t one to rest on her laurels and was president of some wine appreciation club as well as being president of the bowling club.
“Oh, it’s so nice to be out of the hustle and bustle of the city.” Nana sighed as she pushed the passenger door open and stepped out of the car. She took in an exaggerated deep breath. “Oh my, the smell, I’ve missed it.”
I smiled and followed her out, leaning against the car as one of her elderly neighbor friends, Nora, came out of her house, waving at her before heading over to chat. I closed my eyes, letting the sun beat down on me, and realized that the air was different here, fresher, cleaner. I guess you got used to living in a city—London was the same, full of smog and fumes as you walked the streets. I’d forgotten what clean mountain air smelled like.
My parents had always had a dream that one day they’d move out here, too. My dad dreamed of a place on the edge of the lake that they could turn into a B and B. My mom would take care of the guests and cook breakfast, and he’d teach kayaking lessons from off a jetty at the back. It would have been perfect. Would have being the operative phrase. It couldn’t happen now.
When my eyes began to sting with building tears, I forced my mind away from what could have been and turned to my nana. She was just wrapping up her hushed conversation with her neighbor; I could tell they were talking about my parents’ accident, so I hung back and walked deliberately slowly up to the house. They followed me and hugged at the doorway, Nora telling Nana to call if there was anything she could do.
When Nora turned to leave, her sympathetic eyes met mine. She was a lovely lady; we’d roasted s’mores over her cast-iron fire pit in her backyard every summer. “Oh, Ellie. You’ve grown into a beautiful, strong woman.” She walked forward and hugged me tightly, her musty perfume filling my nose. “You take care of your grandmother for me, all right?”
“I will,” I replied, awkwardly pulling out of the hug and stepping back a step.
She ambled off back to her own house next door, and I stood watching a little squirrel foraging for food in the front yard while Nana unlocked the front door.
Before she stepped over the threshold, I decided to broach the subject that I’d been thinking about for the last couple of days.
“You know, Nana, you don’t have to come stay at our house if you don’t want to. I mean, I’m back now, so I can take care of Kels. If you wanted to stay here, you could,” I offered. We hadn’t spoken about it, but I knew she hated the city, and she had to have missed her own house and bed. In the beginning, she’d come to stay with us because it was closer to the hospital and it was Kelsey’s home, but now that I was here, there was no reason for her to come back with me.
“Are you trying to get rid of me?” she joked, nudging my arm with hers.
“Of course not, I love having you around, and I’d miss your cooking tremendously,” I replied, grinning sheepishly. “But... you know, Kelsey and I will be okay on our own if you did want to stay home.”
Her eyes met mine, her expression serious. “Ellie, you know there’s a good chance your mother won’t wake up. You need to prepare yourself for that, just in case.”
I recoiled, shocked at the abrupt turn in the conversation. “I know that.”
She nodded, reaching out and setting her wrinkly hand on my cheek. “If that happens, then there’ll need to be some permanent procedures put in place for Kels. She’s still a minor and will require a guardian. I’m coming home with you now because after, when this is over and we know what’s going to happen, I’ll be there for Kelsey. It’s not right for such a burden to fall on you when you have a life across the pond.”
A lump formed in my throat. I reached up and placed my hand over hers on my face, smiling gratefully. “You really are the best grandmother a girl could wish for,” I said. “But if the worst happens and Mom doesn’t wake up, then I’ll be staying here to take care of Kels. You don’t need to worry about either of us, I got it, I promise.” It was the easiest decision I’d ever made; it didn’t warrant thinking about. I would never have expected my elderly grandmother to take on a teenager.
Birds tweeting were the only sounds around us as we stood in silence f
or a few heartbeats, and then her eyes brimmed with tears and I reached out and engulfed her in a hug.
“I can’t believe this happened. Your parents were such good people. Why do bad things happen to good people?” she asked softly, her voice muffled by my shoulder.
“I don’t know, Nana,” I answered truthfully.
She pulled back and sniffed, pulling a hankie from her pocket and wiping her nose with it. “Have you spoken to your fiancé about what happens if the worst happens?”
I looked down at the floor and frowned. “I’ll talk to him later.” I was picking Toby up at the airport in a few hours. It was a conversation we’d avoided so far in our daily phone calls, but we couldn’t put it off forever. I wasn’t sure how it was going to go because he had responsibilities in England and I had responsibilities here. I feared there wouldn’t be much middle ground to compromise on.
“Let’s just keep praying that it doesn’t happen, that your mother wakes up and everything is fine. She’s a fighter, that one, we may be worrying about something that will never happen,” she said, reaching out and squeezing my hand.
I nodded but her words didn’t help, because deep down inside me I was already thinking that I wanted to stay here, whatever happened. I’d left my family once, wasted time I could have spent with them, and I wasn’t sure I was strong enough to leave them again. The dilemma was real and the feeling intense. I wasn’t sure what the future would hold for my mother, but I was pretty sure I already knew what it held for me.
* * *
I stood at the arrivals gate later that day, watching for Toby to walk through the glass doors, with a strong black coffee in my