“So make sure you talk about him often, share stories about silly things he did, remember him often. For when you do that, a person’s spirit lives on through us and they never really die,” the minister said before smiling over at us. “Michael’s family would like me to tell you that the wake will be at their home and that all are welcome to attend. I’m sure the family joins me in thanking you all for coming today to say your farewell to Michael. As you leave, the family has chosen a song that I’m told is Michael’s all-time favorite.” He turned, seeming a little hesitant as he nodded to one of his staffers, who must have cued up the song.
A loud, beautifully sung harmony cut through the air.
The person behind me snorted a laugh as they realized what song it was.
Moments later, guitars and loud drums kicked in as Queen’s “Fat Bottomed Girls” reverberated off the walls. I smiled despite the pain I was feeling inside. My father had had a bold range of songs in his repertoire. This one, however inappropriate for a funeral, was his favorite song by his favorite artist. I couldn’t have not played it for him one last time.
Next to me, my nana chuckled, releasing my hand, and started clapping along to the beat. I grinned over at her, seeing people doing the same, smiling, tapping their toes to the beat, their shoulders swaying a little, a few even mouthing the words to the song. All of us had probably seen my dad do air guitar to this song at least once in our lives. No one left the room until the last beat had been dropped.
When it was finally finished and people started to stand, the mood in the room was significantly lifted, as was my own.
My dad’s friends, our family, neighbors, and his coworkers all started slowly walking past us to get to the side door, which led to the gardens on the side of the crematorium. Some stopped to say how sorry they were for our loss, some complimented us on the choice of song, and one of my father’s friends even laughed and told me that he could almost see my dad whipping his head to that song from heaven. I smiled and nodded, thanking people for coming, telling them I would see them back at the house for a drink and some food.
“Such a lovely service,” Great-Aunt Shelly noted. “The eulogy was perfect for Michael. I remember him as a child, such a naughty boy, but he had the cheekiest smile, so you could never tell him off.” She laughed to herself and my nana nodded in agreement.
I reached out, placing a hand on Shelly’s arm because she looked a little unsteady on her elderly legs. “Thank you for coming. Are you coming back to the house for a bite to eat?”
“Oh yes, I’ll be there. I’ll have to have Errol follow your car back to the house, though. I can’t remember the way and he’s never been,” she replied, nodding back to her new boyfriend—well, he wasn’t exactly a boy, he was eighty if he was a day.
My eyes wandered to the left while she told me about how slow Errol drove and how long it had taken them to get here today. Jamie was in the line, filing out behind a group of my dad’s work friends. I bit my tongue, my eyes meeting his, and everyone else there seemed sort of insignificant as all my attention now went to the boy who broke my heart. He nodded slightly, but I saw it and it was enough for me to get the meaning. He was thanking me silently for letting him attend. I nodded back, praying he wouldn’t approach me. With Toby standing just three feet from me, it would be überawkward and something I wasn’t prepared to deal with today at all. But true to his word, Jamie silently walked past, heading toward the door with the crowd.
I breathed a sigh of relief and tried to ignore an inappropriate stab of disappointment. Part of me had wanted him to come over, to be close enough that I could smell his cologne and feel the heat radiating from his body. Part of me had wanted him to wrap his arms around me and whisper in my ear that everything was okay and that he’d be here to help me through this. Part of me longed for him like I had when I was eighteen. That part of me, however much I had wanted it to, had not diminished over time.
I forced my eyes away from him as I felt heat flush my cheeks, my mind wandering to the kiss on Tuesday night and how it had created sparks of desire that threatened to ignite us both.
I turned to see Toby, who was offering Nana and Great-Aunt Shelly an arm each so he could help them navigate the winding path back to the parking lot. My heart squeezed painfully at the sight and a wave of sadness and guilt washed over me like a bucket of cold water. Toby was such a good man, and I wished things were different. That I was different. That I hadn’t been so broken when we’d met, that I hadn’t allowed myself to believe I was fixed, because really, seeing Jamie again, I realized I had just been fooling us both. I wasn’t over him, not even remotely, and I despised myself for that.
CHAPTER 16
JAMIE
SHAUN’S WEDDING WAS in full swing. The ceremony had gone without a hitch, and it was now the evening reception. They’d opted to go low key with it all, no sit-down meal but a huge buffet and an open bar instead. It was pretty much how I would have planned a wedding too—more emphasis on celebrating rather than formalities. A few people from my crew had already taken advantage of the free bar and were a little tipsy, but then again, most people were, especially Shaun.
“So you don’t miss it?” I asked Shaun, watching him lean heavily on the bar and slurp his drink.
He shrugged one shoulder. “I miss some things. The guys. And the money.” He sighed wistfully. “But I don’t miss prison.”
“You sure you don’t want back in? I can use you on my team,” I offered.
Shaun laughed and turned to me, his eyes glazed over from too much alcohol. “Can’t. It’s hard being broke and having to live paycheck to paycheck, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I get to wake up every day to my little boy and my beautiful girlfriend...oops, wife,” he corrected, glancing down at the new gold ring on his finger. “They’re two things money can’t buy, so I’ll just keep pushing on and saving up for shit I want.”
“Good for you, I’m happy for you.” I smiled and patted him on the shoulder. I respected that. To be honest, when I’d had Ellie in my life things like money and cars hadn’t mattered to me, either. I guess when you love someone more than anything, everything else becomes a little inconsequential. I missed that.
“Thanks, man,” Shaun slurred.
Ray and Enzo walked over then, Ray slinging his arm around Shaun’s shoulder as he spoke. “You want to take it easy on the booze, there, Shaun. You want to be able to consummate the marriage tonight, don’t you?”
“I can consummate anytime and in any state,” Shaun boasted, grinning lopsidedly.
Ray turned his attention to me. “Are you ready to leave, Kid? I gotta be up early tomorrow,” he lied.
I took the hint. It was time to go. The boost was waiting.
“Yeah, sure thing. Thanks for inviting us, Shaun. And congrats again on the ball and chain,” I joked, holding out my hand for him to shake. “Come to the club anytime, there’s always no cover for you and the missus.”
“Thanks, Kid. I will.”
After Ray and Enzo had said their good-byes, we headed out to my car and back to the warehouse to get tonight’s boost started. It was only a short drive, and the whole way there Ray was talking about Shaun and how good he looked. I had to admit, being a family man suited him. I tried not to acknowledge the jealous feeling that swirled in the pit of my stomach. If I hadn’t been arrested, that could have been me and Ellie getting married today. If only I hadn’t done that fucking job, my life would be so different.
Dodger, Chase, and Ed were already at the warehouse and ready to go. Dodger and Chase were busy moving the three shipping container trucks into place, ready for when we brought the cars back.
I grabbed my boosting kit from the workbench and walked over to talk to Ed while Ray and Enzo went to change.
“Listen, when you’re outside Ellie’s tonight, be extra careful. She saw Dodger yesterday, and I’m pretty sure she made him at the funeral because she was looking at him funny. I don’t want her to know anything about this, so park a little farther away and be extra vigilant,” I told Ed, setting my bag down and sorting through it, checking that everything I would need tonight was in there. “Oh, and don’t take the sedan, take one of the other cars in the lot,” I added as an afterthought, nodding toward the front door where five cars sat ready and waiting. I’d purchased them for my crew to use when they saw fit. They weren’t anything special, but some jobs were better done with an unmarked car than one that could be traced back to someone. It was prudent to be prepared, and they’d come in handy with the people watching Ellie for me, too.
“Okay, Kid.” Ed sighed, plopping himself down onto the empty stool at the end of the workbench. “Are you sure you don’t just want to pull the surveillance on this girl? If the Salazars were going to make a move, they would have done it by now.”
“Not yet,” I answered, removing my bolt cutters from the bag