My throat seemed to close up as I tightened my grip on the silver photo frame and turned, heading out to the living room again. Ray looked up as I thrust the photo toward his face.
“Who is that?” I pointed to the pixie-cut girl, trying to keep my voice level, still praying I’d made a mistake. If I hadn’t, then none of this made sense. There was no reason for her to be in this photo, no possible reason I could think of, anyway.
Ray smiled as he looked at it. “That’s Nat, my sister-in-law.”
Nat. It is her! And wait, did he just say sister-in-law? What. The. Hell?
I sucked in a sharp breath at his words. Ray’s sister-in-law. So Jamie knew her? Had he known her when I met her or after? He and Ray had been friends a long time. Wouldn’t he have met her before? And I’d just so happened to run into her at a market in Rome? There was no way it was a coincidence. My brain struggled to catch up as thoughts rushed over me at once.
Judging by the widening of Ray’s eyes and the throbbing muscle in his jaw, he regretted answering so casually. He stood, taking the photo from me and setting it facedown on the coffee table. “Look, I’m not saying anything about that either, so don’t bother asking. That’s something else you’ll have to ask Kid about. Just don’t be too hard on him when you do, all right?”
“Just answer me one thing before you clam up,” I bargained. “Are they dating? Is that their baby?” I pointed to the back of the photo, holding my breath. Please say no. Please say no.
Ray smiled almost sadly. “No, they’re not dating. That’s my youngest daughter. Kid is her godfather.”
“Then why—” I started, but he cut me off.
“You really have no idea, do you?” He shook his head before straightening his shoulders. “I’m not saying anything more. Speak to him about it when he comes.” His tone was final as his eyes locked onto mine.
They were the last words we spoke about it. No matter how many times I tried to ask, he shot me down every time, leaving me in confused, stunned silence, my brain a mess, my thoughts all over the place; my worry about what Jamie was doing and if he was in trouble was front and center. The one comforting thought...Jamie and Natalie weren’t dating. That wasn’t his baby. I hated that I cared about that information so much.
Well over an hour of silence had passed when a knock at the door made Ray spring to his feet and rush to answer it. I swiveled on my seat, seeing Ray leaning in and checking the peephole before quickly yanking open the door. Jamie stepped into the apartment, his eyes darting to me. I noted a small margin of relief flicker across his features before he turned back to Ray. They had another quiet conversation and then Ray nodded and left the apartment, closing the door behind him, leaving us in silence.
Jamie stepped into the room, raking one dirty, grime-covered hand through his hair, pushing it back into place. “Hey. Sorry I took so long.” He sat down on the opposite end of the sofa from me, turning to face me, his eyes narrowed in concern as they scanned over me slowly. “You okay?”
The heavy scent of smoke lingered around him, assaulting my senses and making me wrinkle my nose in distaste; when I detected another smell coming off him, my anger spiraled. Alcohol: He reeked of it, like he’d bathed in the stuff. “Have you been to a bar while I’ve been sitting here on my ass waiting?” I snapped disbelievingly.
He recoiled visibly, a frown lining his forehead. “What? No!”
“Oh, come on, I can smell the alcohol on you!” I cried, getting to my feet and snatching up my purse from the floor. “I can’t believe I was naive enough to sit here and be concerned about you while you were off bloody drinking!” I snapped, well aware that I’d just used an English term. “I want to go home. Now. Will you take me or should I call a cab?”
Jamie jumped to his feet and shook his head, his hand reaching for mine as I unzipped my purse, meaning to find my cell phone. “I wasn’t drinking, I swear. Ellie, please, will you just hear me out?”
I ground my teeth, looking up and seeing that his eyes were doing that begging thing that I’d always been a sucker for.
I snatched my hand from his grip and stepped back. “Fine.”
He sat on the edge of the sofa, looking up at me with pleading eyes. “The guys who attacked you earlier, they work for the two Salazar brothers. They have a sort of gang here; they’re not good people. The Salazars sent those guys after you.”
I frowned, trying to take it in, but it didn’t make sense. “Why would they care about me, though?”
“Because I care about you,” he answered quickly.
I scoffed and shook my head adamantly, folding my arms over my chest defensively. “No, you don’t. You never did.”
He groaned and put his head in his hands. “Ellie, please don’t think that. Don’t ever think that I don’t care.”
I recoiled, my anger peaking. “That’s what you basically said to me that night, Jamie! You remember the night I’m talking about? The one when you cheated on me, then called me up and broke my fucking heart the day we were supposed to be starting our future together?” I roared, pointing an accusing finger at him as three years’ worth of hurt and bitterness leaked into my words.
His eyes closed and his shoulders sagged. “I lied,” he whispered.
“What?” Confusion washed over me. “Lied about what?”
“Everything.” His eyes opened, locking on mine. He reached out, taking my hand in one of his rough, calloused ones and tugging gently, guiding me to sit down next to him. “I didn’t cheat on you; I never would have. You were my world, Ellie.”
“You were my world.” Exactly how I’d felt about him. His words made my stomach clench and my scalp prickle. My mouth had gone dry. “I don’t...wh-what?” I stuttered.
He sighed, a muscle in his jaw throbbing as he clenched and unclenched his teeth. “I wasn’t honest with you, and I hate myself for that, but I still believe I did it for the right reasons.” He scooted closer to me, so close that his knee pressed against mine, his thumb stroking over the back of my hand, which he hadn’t released from earlier. I hadn’t even noticed. “That night...I had one more job to do for Brett, you remember?”
I nodded, dumbstruck.
“It was a meeting with some drug dealers from another state, the Lazlos. The meeting was basically negotiating terms and talking about how the two organizations could help each other. It turned out the police had been surveying the Lazlos for some time. They heard everything that was said and then they raided the joint. There was a huge firefight, and some people were killed. Brett was killed.” The sadness in his tone when he said that last bit was evident. “And everyone else was arrested.” He looked up at me, his expression forlorn.
“You were arrested?” I muttered, my brain working overtime now.
“Yeah. I had a gun on me at the time, just for a show of force for the meeting. I didn’t use it or anything. They charged me with possession of a firearm. My lawyer managed to get me off practically everything else they could have charged me with, but I was still going to do time for it, plus the time I had remaining on my previous sentence when I was let off for good behavior.”
I shook my head. “Are you lying to me now, Jamie? I can’t even tell with you anymore.”
He sighed and his eyes pleaded with me to listen. “I’m not lying! I’m telling you the truth now. Call my lawyer if you don’t believe me. It’s Miles’s father, Arthur Barrington. Check with the prison board
or something, or just fucking Google it. The Lazlo raid made headline news; it mentions in there about Brett being killed in the gunfight. Google it. Here.” He pulled out his cell phone, offering it to me.
I didn’t take the phone. His eyes were telling me everything I needed to know. I could see the honesty there. When I’d said earlier I couldn’t tell if he was lying, that wasn’t the truth. I had always been able to read him.
His confession made so much sense. I’d never been quite able to understand why he’d broken up with me.
I’d always struggled to accept the fact that he’d cheated; Jamie wasn’t that type of guy. I’d always felt there was more to it, but had never been able to figure out what. Hearing these words from his lips now, everything clicked into place and finally made sense.
My brain was whirling, trying to connect the dots, scratching out everything I’d believed for the last three years. Jamie had been arrested. Jamie had lied to me. Jamie hadn’t cheated on me. “Why didn’t you tell me any of this? You were in jail, and you decided to use your phone call to break my heart instead of just being honest?”
His eyes met mine. “No. I decided to use my one phone call to set you free.”
“I don’t understand,” I whispered. “Why did you do that? Why did you lie to me? You hurt me so badly.” My tears had started now, tumbling down my cheeks and wetting my sweatshirt.
Jamie groaned, his grip on my hand tightening to the point of it being uncomfortable. “I was going down for at least a year, Ellie. It was inevitable, a done deal. I loved you so much, more than anything, and I didn’t want you to have to go through waiting for me. You deserved better than me, you always did.”
Everything had been a lie. All the pain I’d felt, the grief, the crushing heartbreak because the man I loved had betrayed me came rushing back to me at once. And all of it could have been avoided. He’d put me through that heartbreak because he didn’t want me to have to wait for him, because I deserved better? Did I