I nodded in agreement. We’d remain friends, of that I was sure. Toby was friends with everyone, even his ex-wife, so I knew we could stay in touch. “You won’t,” I promised.
“Good, because I’d ’ate that.” He cleared his throat. “Look, I’d better get some sleep, I ’ave an early start tomorrow. We’ll chat later in the week, yeah?”
I knew he was just trying to end the call. Breakup calls weren’t exactly the most comfortable of conversations. “Yeah,” I agreed. “I’ll give you a call in a couple of days.”
“Okay, but if anything changes or you need to chat before that, then ’it me up. I’m still ’ere for you if you need someone to talk to or whatever.”
I smiled. Toby’s goodness was one of the things that I loved about him—that and his ability to make a joke out of anything, even if it was a terribly unfunny pun in the supermarket. “Thank you, and same goes for you. Say hi to the boys from me next time you see them,” I replied. Thinking about not seeing him again, his kids again, made my heart drum wildly in my chest. It hurt. But not as much as I’d expected it to.
He disconnected the call and I lay back on my bed, knowing I’d done the right thing. I’d made the right decision for me, and it might not feel like it at the moment to Toby, but eventually he would see it was the right decision for him, too. I loved him, but I had never been in love with him, and he deserved that. He was such a good man; he deserved someone whose heart would flutter when he walked into the room wrapped only in a towel, a girl whose thighs clenched in excitement when he touched her, someone who swooned when he smiled. That girl just wasn’t me—it never had been—and for a long time I’d thought that was okay, but I’d been fooling us both. We were settling for each other, and people like Toby deserved better than to just settle.
I was happy it was finally out in the open. Now we could each get on with our lives and I could focus on mending my family one little piece at a time. Slipping on the pink fluffy slippers that Kelsey had bought me for my eighteenth birthday, I padded out of the room and down the stairs, deciding to make some hot cocoa.
At the bottom of the stairs, I headed to the front door, moving the curtain out of the way and peeking out. Jamie’s car was still parked there in the same spot. I frowned, wondering how long he was going to be camped outside my house, watching my every move. It was a little weird, but I could understand why he was protective.
My thoughts drifted back to his apartment, how he’d wiped my tears away and told me he’d once planned a life for us. How he’d asked me if it was too late for us.
I gulped, my heart swelling at the memory. My decision to stay here and not return to England had nothing to do with Jamie. It had already been subconsciously made before I’d even seen him in that club. I wanted to be close to my family; I wanted to stay in my home instead of a place I lived in with Toby. Jamie hadn’t been a factor at all...at least, not at the start—I wasn’t so sure about now.
I shook the thoughts away as I walked into the living room, seeing Kelsey and Nana curled up on the sofa together watching TV. “Anyone want hot cocoa? I think I saw some marshmallows in the cupboard earlier,” I tempted.
They both nodded eagerly and I stepped into the kitchen, grabbing the milk from the fridge and pouring some into a pan. As I leaned down to put it away again, I saw the leftover chicken from yesterday’s dinner. My mind immediately flicked to Jamie again. Had he gotten anything to eat? I chewed on the inside of my mouth and then pulled the chicken and mayonnaise from the fridge, setting about making him a sandwich while the milk bubbled lightly in the pan.
When everything was done, I took the two girls’ drinks into the living room and set them on the table before heading back to get the plate of food and the cocoa I’d made for Jamie. Being as quiet as I could because I didn’t particularly want to answer any questions about my actions, I tiptoed out of the house, closing the door carefully behind me.
As I walked across the front yard, my hair whipping everywhere in the wind, Jamie rolled down his car window. I smiled weakly and offered the plate and mug, which he took gratefully. “Thought you might be hungry. I haven’t seen you go get any food yet,” I said as he picked up the sandwich and took a huge bite, chewing quickly.
“Starving,” he mumbled with his mouth full. “Thank you.” His eyes flashed in the darkness as I squatted down by the side of his car so I could see in better.
“Jamie, how long are you going to be watching me for?”
He shrugged one shoulder, setting the cup on his dashboard, where it was sure to leave a ring stain on his expensive interior. I silently scolded myself for not bringing a mat or something for him to use. “I’ll be going in a couple of hours. I have someone else coming to watch the house tonight, but I’ll be back tomorrow.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
He sighed deeply, half turning in his seat so we were almost face-to-face. “I don’t know. I have people trying to find the guy who put the order in for you to be grabbed, but I’m not sure how long it’ll take.” His eyes were tight with both anger and worry.
“Oh,” I muttered. I hated the fact that I had to be babysat. I shoved my hands into the pocket of my hoodie, linking my fingers together over my stomach. “We need to talk some more about, you know, earlier.”
He nodded, setting his plate on the dash next to his mug. “Now? We could go get a coffee,” he offered, his voice ridiculously eager. I tried to ignore the flutter in my tummy. I secretly loved that he wanted to spend more time with me.
I looked down at my pink fluffy slippers, pajamas, and too-small hoodie and raised one eyebrow. “I’m not dressed.” I shrugged.
The corners of his mouth quirked into a smile as his eyes raked down me so slowly that I felt heat creep across my cheeks from the intimate inspection. “I don’t care. I think you look beautiful.”
I had to smile at that. Corny. I sighed and shook my head, my body overcome with tiredness. “Not tonight, all right? I’m exhausted.” I looked back at the house, lifting a hand and trying to tuck some of my still-damp, flyaway hair behind my ear. The chilly wind whipped it right back out again. “I should go in. Good night, Jamie.” I turned toward the house, not waiting for a reply as I stalked off.
“Ellie?”
I’d only gotten a few steps before he called me back. I stopped, turning to see him climbing out of the car, his long, toned body looking sleek and gorgeous as he strode toward me. He didn’t speak as his arms folded around me, engulfing me in a hug and holding me tightly against him. My breath came out in one long, deep sigh as I melted against him, my eyes fluttering closed as I wrapped my arms around his waist. We were so close I could feel his heart beating against my chest, and a feeling of safety washed over me as his smell filled my lungs.
I tucked my face into the side of his neck, my nose brushing against the skin there, eliciting a soft moan from his lips. His fingers dug into my back gently, clutching me closer as I just reveled in how wonderful it felt to be in his arms again, how right it felt. It was like, in that moment, I was finally home.
His face pressed against the side of my head, his lips grazing against my scalp, causing cells within me that I thought long dead to awaken and tingle. The desire that pooled in my belly bumped from embers to a slow delicious burn that tightened
my skin and made my mouth water. I wanted to be closer; I wanted to melt into him and stay like that forever, my problems a distant memory.
He pulled back slowly, his arms still around me. I could see the desire in his eyes, his need maybe as great as my own. I smiled gratefully. I’d desperately needed that hug and I hadn’t even known it.
With herculean effort, because I wanted to stand there in his arms forever, I stepped back, putting some space between our bodies. “Good night, Jamie.”
The dimple appeared, his smile reaching his eyes as his arms dropped to his sides. “Good night, little girl.” His voice was husky and thick with desire that made my womb clench, the pet name from years ago just adding to the smoldering hotness of the moment.
I grinned, hoping the darkness would mask my burning cheeks so he wouldn’t know how much I still loved that nickname. Turning, I headed toward the house and thought that for the first time in two weeks, I might actually be able to sleep.
CHAPTER 23
AS I WAS slipping my sneakers and coat on at the front door, I reached out and peeked out through the curtain, seeing the same blue Astra parked at the end of my drive with the young blond guy sitting behind the wheel, looking bored. My heart sank, as it had the last three times I’d looked out to see it wasn’t Jamie sitting there watching the house. He’d been gone this morning, replaced by this guy I hadn’t seen before. The disappointment that Jamie wasn’t the one outside hit me a lot harder than I thought it would. I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him since last night when he’d hugged me on the grass just ten feet from where I was standing now. I’d fallen into a peaceful sleep, thinking about how nice it felt to be wrapped in his arms again, how incredible he smelled, and how that dimple in his cheek when he smiled made my heart ache.
Sighing, I called a good-bye to my nana and stepped out the door, walking to my car, ignoring the guy who was also starting his car, ready to follow me to my destination—the hospital.
We’d been trying to stagger visits to my mother so that she had someone at each visiting time. Nana had gone this morning while Kelsey was at school, I was going this afternoon, and tonight we’d most likely all go together.
When I arrived, Mom was sitting up in bed, her TV turned down low, but she wasn’t really watching it, just staring off into space absentmindedly. Nana had told me she was a little better today, that she wasn’t drifting in and out of sleep like she had been yesterday and that she hadn’t cried as much. This was the first time I’d seen her since I’d had to tell her my father was gone.
“Hi, Mom,” I greeted her, walking in and setting the grapes Nana had sent on her little table.