“It’s all well and good for us to say up front we don’t want another partner, but just a submissive sex slave for Daniel to play with. That sounds fine on paper, I suppose, but real life can’t be compartmentalized like that. Real people can’t be, either. You can’t neatly stash your feelings away, but we acted like you could.
“In some ways I think it was to keep us safe, more than you. By telling you up front this wasn’t and wouldn’t be about love, we were giving each other permission to add someone to the relationship without making the commitment such an addition would or should have entailed.”
He put his hand on Alex’s arm. “You’re not eating.”
Alex realized she was clutching her fork, listening so hard to what Liam was saying she had forgotten about the food in front of her. She cut a piece of pancake with banana and put it in her mouth.
“There you go,” Liam said with a grin. “That would make Daniel happy to see you eat.”
Alex grinned back, seeing Daniel in her mind’s eye, busy over the stove making something delicious for their dinner while she chopped vegetables or polished silver nearby. She missed him at that moment with such a palpable ache she nearly cried out. Instead she took another bite of pancake.
She had never heard Liam say so much in the entire two weeks she had known him. She wanted him to continue, wondering where his long, convoluted apology, if that’s what it was, was heading.
He continued. “Daniel and I have talked about this a lot. You know, maybe you did the right thing. By taking off like you did, you forced us to look at ourselves and what we were doing.
“Daniel said something that really struck a nerve with me. He said in a true D/s relationship, you really couldn’t have submission without love. He said submission was by its very definition a kind of love. But we tried to cut that out of the equation with you. We set you, and by extension ourselves, up to fail. In that way, I was no better than Anthony—”
“No!” Alex interjected more loudly than she’d intended. Several people at nearby tables looked over at her. She felt herself blushing and lowered her voice. “Please don’t say that. Don’t ever say that. What I had with you and Daniel was real. Yes, I agree there were aspects of it I had a hard time dealing with. You hit it on the head—being sent away each night while you fell asleep in each other’s arms… I guess that really sums up what was missing for me. But I went into it with eyes wide open. I thought I knew what I was signing up for. I thought I could handle it. It wasn’t like you tried to trick me.
“But Anthony.” She spit the word. “He doesn’t have a clue. What he claimed to be offering me wasn’t about D/s or love or even cheap thrills. He tried to take what wasn’t his. To demand what can’t be commanded. He stopped just short of physical rape, but he raped my spirit. He tried to steal a part of me. He…”
Despite her promise to herself, Alex began to cry again. Liam moved from his side of the booth and slid in next to her, putting his arm around her. “Shh, it’s okay. It’s okay. He’ll never harm you again, I promise. Never.”
After a moment she wiped her eyes and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I guess it’s gonna take a while to get over this.”
“I would think so. You’ve been through a very harrowing experience. I’m so proud of you for the way you kept your head and got yourself out of there. You did good, kid.”
Alex managed a smile. She appreciated his not calling her an immature reckless idiot who’d listened to her cunt instead of her head. Maybe she did good by getting out but she still didn’t feel very good. She was shaky and anxious. If Liam hadn’t miraculously shown up when he had, she would be a complete mess instead of only a partial one.
Ah, but he was there. And she was so happy to see him. Not only because he stepped in with that bastard on the phone but because she’d genuinely missed him.
She leaned her head against his shoulder and it felt so right. She hadn’t realized how much she’d missed not only Daniel, but Liam too. The thought of letting him drive away, leaving her alone to face her demons, nearly made her cry again.
He said he wanted her to come back with him. To come home. But could two really become three? Was it possible for them to love her, to accept her as an equal? Or were they only reacting off their own guilt for trying this crazy experiment in the first place? If she returned, what would be different? Could it possibly work?