I couldn’t be with her the way she wanted me to be.
But I could offer a better scenario to our current situation.
I could be brave enough to do that.
Please…let me.
Spreading my hands in surrender, I murmured, “I said I didn’t need one, but it turns out…I do.”
“Need what?”
“Someone to call me out on my mess. Someone who’s stubborn and feisty and not afraid of me.”
She smiled softly. “I’m guessing that someone is me?”
“No one else fits that criteria.”
She laughed under her breath, her eyes warming in ways that made knives puncture my chest. “What do you need from me?”
“Something I said I’d never need.”
Her body stilled. “Tell me.”
I swallowed.
And swallowed again.
I couldn’t take this back once I’d said it.
I’d have to find a way to honour it, savour it, not be afraid of it. “A friend. I need a friend.”
“A friend?” She snapped upright.
I nodded firmly. “Yes.”
She couldn’t hide her shock. “I thought you hated that word.”
“I hate what it represents.”
“What does it represent?”
I shrugged, searching for an answer that would make sense but, in the end, just settled on one word. “Pain.”
Her gaze darkened with compassion I hated. “You think being friends with me is going to hurt?”
“I don’t think. I know.”
“Why?”
I sighed. “Because I’ll care for you. I’ll like you. I’ll get used to having you around.”
“And that’s a bad thing?”
“Terrible.”
She fell quiet for a moment before murmuring, “Then why put yourself through it?”
“Because I’m sick of pushing people away.”
“Oh.”
“I love my family, but they don’t see me like you do. They don’t drive me crazy like you.”
She smirked. “I do have a good talent at that.”
“You do.” I half-chuckled. “So…do you agree?”
“To be your friend?”
“To be my friend.”
She nudged her boot into the dirt, thoughts racing over her face. “And when I go back home? What then?”
Something hot and sharp dug talons directly into my heart. The harsh possessiveness to keep those I cared about close so I could protect them from everything—prevent them from death—killed me already. “Then I’ll miss you. I’ll hurt. But life moves on and…and well, nothing is permanent. Not life, not love, and not friendship.”
Hope frowned. “Life might not be permanent, but the other two things are.”
“No. They’re not.” Pacing away, I found an old pair of baling gloves on the desk and pulled them on, ready to sell hay to city folk. “When it comes to this argument, you won’t win. Love and friendship are fleeting things. Some last years. Some last days. But in the end, they all end. I’ve struggled with this my whole life. Don’t try to ruin my acceptance when I’m still not sure I can.”
Hope bit her lip. Her tiny boots brought her closer to me. “Can I ask one question, and then I’ll shut up about all of this.”
“Fine. What is it?”
A pink blush worked its way over her cheeks, transforming her from pretty to breath-taking. I wanted so, so much to kiss her. But this was as far as I could go. I knew my limits.
“This friendship…could it eventually be…more?”
The clock ticked loudly in the dusty corner while I worked out the best way to reply. While I worked out how to tell the truth, all while wishing it was a lie. “No.”
“Okay.” She sniffed but nodded bravely. “I just needed to ask.”
“Friends. That’s all.”
“I get it.”
“No, I don’t think you do. But that’s okay.” I moved forward and took her pipsqueak hand in my huge glove. “Friends is already asking a lot of me. I don’t want to hurt you worse by failing at giving you more.”
Her smile was understanding and pure. “I understand, Jacob.”
“Thank you.” I squeezed her hand, switching it into a slightly awkward handshake. “Friends?”
She squeezed me back. “Friends.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Hope
* * * * * *
A MONTH.
One glorious month where life was full of perfect, wondrous, brilliant moments.
A month when I grew up, learned about hard work, basked in the joy of diving into the pond after a long sweaty day, and swelling with pride of growing my own vegetables. Not to mention the indescribable honour of Jacob Wild accepting me.
My friend.
He liked me for me.
He’d let down a wall…for me.
My previous weeks at Cherry River were nothing, nothing compared to that month. To be honest, I didn’t believe Jacob could switch overnight and trade snappish temper with calm rationality.
But…he did.
I’d catch him a couple of times with locked jaw and grinding teeth as he held back retorts no longer welcome. I caught glimpses of hurting eyes and worried soul as he fought the urge to run, but through it all, he remained true to his promise to be my friend.
And not just I benefited.
His entire family did.
Nina was encouraged to come hang out with us and became a friend I would happily stay in touch with when I left.
Della was invited to Jacob’s house for dinner more often.