Because I couldn’t lie anymore.
I’d loved him when I was a child, and I loved him as a woman.
But I wasn’t free to love him.
I was with another who was gentle and sweet and did not deserve a harlot who stood on a tropical beach, her white sundress plastered to a body begging another man to take it.
I hated myself as lightning forked, lashing like a whip, punishing me for my sinful thoughts. I cursed myself as thunder cracked right above our heads, making us flinch.
I’d never stood a chance against Jacob. Even when I was a silly ten-year-old, the power he had over me was absolute.
“Jacob.” I stumbled forward, summoned to him and unable to fight it.
He didn’t move, but his hand came up. A hand that used to drive a tractor and ride a horse and clutched my locket deep in a forest.
For the longest second, he didn’t speak. His dark eyes gleamed, looking part storm, part mystery, endless in their torment. Then he sighed, and his heady voice barely carried over the slap and hiss of rain. “What are you doing here, Hope?”
No hello.
No embrace.
No hint of our past or friendship.
It was the reality check I needed.
My foot returned to its original position, removing me from his closeness, putting distance between us that reeked of strangers and strangeness.
How could I tell him that I’d come on Cassie’s request? How could I tear out the heart he probably hadn’t mended?
I gulped as the Balinese man dragged the fishing net along the beach, eyeing me up before glancing at Jacob.
Jacob didn’t acknowledge him, his stare cold and full of warning, branding me with ice. His rejection made tears burn hotter than any lightning.
But then, I grew angry.
Angry with him and me and Cassie and John and even Della.
I’d been given a task. I’d walked away from my old life to find a man who didn’t want to be found and tell him things he didn’t want to hear.
The least he could do was say hello.
But then again, my feelings had nothing to do with this.
Jacob had been abundantly clear on where I stood with him.
I couldn’t be angry that he hadn’t changed those rules.
I could only be angry with myself.
I’d cheated on Michael just by getting on that plane.
I didn’t deserve any other form of welcome because I wasn’t welcome and that had never been more obvious. “Ca-can we go somewhere to talk?”
He squinted at the sky as another sheet of rain fell harder. “How did you get here?”
“Driver.” I turned to point up the dense jungle-covered hill. “Up there.”
“How long ago?”
“Four hours or so.”
“Shit.” He shook his head. “You stayed too long. He’ll have left you. No one lingers here. Not with the superstition of this temple’s bay.”
I nodded. “I feared as much. I guess…I’ll have to wait for the storm to pass and then call a taxi.”
“Taxis don’t come out this far, Hope.” He sighed again, pinching the bridge of his nose before glaring at me. “Why did you come?”
My skin prickled. “Can we talk somewhere drier?”
“How did you find me?”
“A roof, Jacob. Give me a roof, and I’ll answer any question you want.”
“Any question?” His eyes narrowed.
I flinched. “What question do you have in mind?”
Another lightning bolt blinded us, followed by its friend the eardrum-smashing thunder. Rain turned into buckets, gods tossing litres of liquid from the clouds.
My dress hugged every curve, the lacy bra I wore underneath revealing pebbled nipples and quaking stomach. I was exposed and vulnerable yet Jacob didn’t study my body.
His eyes stayed resolutely on mine, angry and black and unreadable. “I know all the answers I need.”
I couldn’t hold eye contact anymore. Instead, I looked at the sand and numerous tracks and river bends caused by the rain. I should just spit out about John. I should walk back to the hotel even if it would take all night.
I should never have come.
Familiar sadness and worry when it came to Jacob engulfed me. “I-I—”
What, Hope?
Say something!
Walk away.
Turn around.
Forget him.
My shoulders slouched, and the girl who’d befriended a rabid dog disappeared.
I’d made a mistake.
Twisting in the sand, I shrugged. “I’ll go. I’ll—”
“Aw, shit.” In a burst of kindness, Jacob closed the distance between us and hesitantly placed a large, strong hand on my shoulder. “God, forgive me. I don’t know why I’m such an asshole to you.”
I blinked, trapped in his hold. “We haven’t seen each other in a long time. It’s understandable to be—”
“Don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“Make up excuses for my shitty behaviour.” He squeezed me gently before letting me go. “I’m sorry. Truly.”
Rain blurred his handsomeness, hushing his apology so it didn’t seem real.
Perhaps travelling had healed him? Maybe he wasn’t the same farmer who’d broken my heart, after all.
“Look, it’s not safe here. The storm is directly overhead. You’ll, um, have to stay the night. I’ll drive you back tomorrow.”