“You do this, and everything changes.”
I ducked to kiss her, twisting her tongue with mine. “It’s just sex.”
“Sex you’ve avoided.”
“Sex I want with you.”
She pulled away, her palm cupping my cheek. “I need you to know how this will affect me. You already own my heart, Jacob Wild. If you take my body too, you can’t have my friendship. It would be love. Unequivocally.”
I kissed her again, wishing she’d shut up and let me focus on being with her here and not the terrifying future.
She kissed me back but pulled away with a moan. “Please, tell me you understand. I don’t know what’s going on with you. I don’t know why you’re doing this.”
“Just understand I want you.”
She sighed sadly. “But that’s not enough for me.” Pushing me, she groaned. “I don’t just want one night with you.”
My patience frayed; more blood swelled in my cock. “What do you want?”
Her eyes glittered with every emotion I was petrified of. “You really want an answer to that question?”
“I want the truth.”
She looked away, breathing shallow. For a second, she shrank into herself, but then her shoulders braced and her green, powerful gaze froze me above her. “I want everything. All of it. You, Cherry River, us. I want more than you can ever give me.” Tears rolled down her cheeks. “And that’s why I can’t do this.”
I couldn’t stop myself from kissing away her sadness, tasting salt and heartache. “I’m not trying to hurt you. I’m trying to give you want you want.”
“No, you’re trying to sleep with me.” She huffed with false humour.
“That too.” I nuzzled into her, kissing the side of her neck until her head flopped sideways. “Is it working?”
“You’re not playing fair.”
“You’ve never played fair with me.”
“I’ve always respected your boundaries.”
I laughed coldly, pulling away to kiss the tip of her nose. “I’m sorry but that’s bullshit. You’ve pushed me to the point of breaking every damn day we’ve spent together.”
She bit her lip, eyes searching mine. She must’ve seen the truth because regret coloured her. “You’re right. I wasn’t fair.”
“You weren’t.” I bent to kiss her again, hovering over her mouth. “But I forgive you.”
As my lips grazed hers, she murmured, “You’re not being fair now. You’re pushing me to do something I can’t.”
“And how does that feel? Does it tear you up inside? Does it hurt you to the point of excruciation? Does it make you want to run as far away as possible?”
She nodded as I kissed my way along her collarbone. “Um-hum.” She shivered as I blew on the wetness left by my tongue. “I need to leave.”
“You need to stay.”
“If I stay I’ll—”
“Sleep with me. Yes.”
She moaned, long and needy, making me ten times harder. “I’ve wanted you for years, Jacob. You’re making me run out of willpower to say no.”
“Good. Give in.” I didn’t know where my aversions had gone. Our roles had reversed. I was the one asking for contact. I finally understood how it felt to want someone who didn’t want you.
It sucked.
It hurt.
I wanted to stop.
But I was in too deep. Far, far too deep. My body controlled me now, not my mind, and my body begged, fucking begged to have her.
To have someone.
Just once.
To know what it felt like to be normal.
Hope groaned as I tangled fingers in her hair, holding her prisoner.
Her eyes blazed. “If we do this, it’s on you. I refuse to feel guilty for pressuring you. I won’t berate myself that I forced you to sleep with me. I’ll—”
I kissed her, biting her lower lip. “Does it look like you’re forcing me to do something I don’t want to do?” I rocked my erection against her.
She gasped, her skin flushing with heat. “The pot has ruined you.”
“Hope.” I lowered myself on her, pinning her to the bed. “Shut up.”
“But—”
“You’re not forcing me to do anything.”
“But you—”
“I want you. I want you so fucking much.” I wedged my hips deeper between her legs, rocking until lightning sizzled up my spine. “See? Just be here with me. Let’s see if all that fighting is for a reason.”
“And after?”
“Who cares about after?”
“I care. I worry.”
“There is no after. No past or future. Just this.”
“I’ve tried living in the present, Jacob, and the past and future always have a way of intruding on it.”
I sighed. She was right. I knew that far too well. But my heart no longer beat—it suffocated with need. My body made me reckless and hungry. I knew the suffering this would cause, but I’d pay it to enjoy one night with her. “It doesn’t change that I need you so much I’m going out of my mind.”
She looked away, her lips wet and pink. “I want you too…but I need to know what you want from me…after you’ve had me. I need to know so I can prepare myself.” She couldn’t meet my eyes. “Do you understand? Do you see how hard this will be for me to have something I’ve always wanted, not knowing if it’s mine forever or just for a little while?”