“You’re not saying anything—unless it’s that you love me back.”
“Threats won’t make me love you, you know.”
He grumbled under his breath. “You won’t win this argument. You loved me when we spent the night together. You still love me even though you hate me right now. I can wait. I can grovel. I can show you that things have changed between us because I know what it feels like to lose you and—”
“Stop repeating that. You’re saying my ‘death’ didn’t hurt you as much as you feared? Therefore, you can love me because…what? My dying won’t break you apart like your parents’ death did?” My voice hitched as a tear escaped my control.
His temper gathered power. He stomped toward me, slamming his hands against the wall, trapping me once again. “You’re not listening. That’s not what I’m saying at all.” His voice was more of a growl, twisting my stomach with hunger and hesitation.
“It’s not important.” Another tear rolled from my lashes. “I just need to leave.”
“You’re not leaving. I told you that. You’re stuck with me for life.”
Exhaustion fell over me. “I’m tired, Jacob. Just please…leave me alone.” I was tired from the accident and tired from dealing with him for eleven eternally long years. When I’d wanted him to fight for me, he never did. Now, when I wanted him to let me go, he refused.
He tangled me up and made me spin.
And I was tired of this. So, so tired.
“Thinking you were dead was the worst thing I’ve ever felt, Hope. I wanted to die too. My system overloaded. I…anyway, it doesn’t matter. What does matter is I realised, despite my issues, I am strong enough to love you. I love you. I love you so fucking much, and I need you way more than you need me.” His head bowed, his lips seeking mine. “All I’m asking is for you to believe me.”
I turned my mouth away at the last second, wincing as he kissed my cheek. “Believe you?”
He licked my skin as another droplet of sadness trickled free.
He nodded, pressing his body along mine. “Please.”
I shuddered. “What’s to stop you from changing your mind tomorrow? What if you decide it’s not worth the grief, after all?”
“I won’t. It’s not possible.” He tried to kiss me again.
I avoided it, earning half a kiss and a lusty growl. “I know what will happen, Jacob. I’ll fall for you until I can’t live without you. I’ll accept all your moods and messes. I’ll agree to be with you forever. But then, when it gets hard or we fight or something sets off your triggers, you’ll shove me from your life all over again.”
He pulled back a little, his dark eyes gleaming with ferocity. “You’re right about my triggers.”
I wanted to cry harder. “Exactly.”
“But I won’t let them rule my life anymore.”
For the first time, a spark of hope appeared. “And how exactly are you going to do that?”
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper with a name on it. “This is a therapist. I’m…I’m going to make an appointment to see him.”
Softness did its best to replace my hardness. “I’m happy for you. I’m glad you’re ready to accept help. I truly hope it makes your life more bearable. But…it’s too late for us. I…I can’t trust you. You’ve broken it too many times.”
He rubbed his heart as if I’d stabbed him through the chest. “I can see why you wouldn’t trust me.”
“Zero trust.” I held up a circle with my fingers. “None.”
“I hurt you badly when I sent you away at my mother’s funeral.”
“Hurt me? You ripped out my heart and buried it with her.”
His gaze fell to my cast. “I have so much to make up to you.”
“Stop doing that.”
His head tipped up, his sorrowful gaze swirling with honesty. “Stop what?”
“Agreeing with me like you did at the hospital. It’s making it hard to have a proper fight with you.”
“But you’re right. You deserved better.”
“I don’t care. It’s making me uncomfortable.”
“Well, accept it because I don’t want to fight with you. Not anymore.”
“And I don’t want to fight with you either.” I sighed. “So please…just let me go.”
His voice dropped to barely audible. “Please, Hope. I’m begging you…give me another chance.”
The tiny pieces of my heart lurched to give him whatever he wanted. But I gritted my teeth and shook my head instead. “I still love you, Jacob, but I don’t want to love you anymore. If you love me like you say you do, you’ll let me go.”
His eyes flared. “You can’t mean that.”
“I do.”
He stood, towering over me. His hands curled into fists, falling by his sides. “You’re asking me to rip out my heart the very moment I finally have one strong enough to give to you.”
Tears rained faster. “I’m sorry.”