Grabbing her cheeks, I ran my thumbs over her cheekbones as I pushed her the final distance to the wall where her back pressed and her breath caught, and I lowered my head to nudge her nose with mine. “Yeah, that,” I murmured.
My heart.
Fuck, my heart.
It cried at finally touching her in a way I’d wanted to do for so incredibly long. My body cursed for so many incidents where we could’ve solved this with conversation and not ran away.
Her teeth chattered beneath my fingers as she shook as much as I did. We’d always shook when we fought. Always been so affected by the other’s temper that our worlds were in disarray until we stopped.
The familiarity of such a thing. The realisation that this wasn’t just a girl I was in love with but the one person who’d been there every step of my existence made it hard to breathe.
I sucked in air greedily, lungs useless, panting against so many things while doing my best to chase away my trembles even as my entire body went weak and wobbly for finally holding my Ribbon this way.
The fallen papers crunched beneath my boot as I shifted my weight, leaning into her, seeking an answer. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
She flinched, her eyes closing beneath an avalanche of pain.
This hurt.
Everything hurt.
“Della…please.” My calloused thumbs caressed her silky-soft skin, catching on her young perfection with my older imperfection.
Ten years separated us.
Ten years was an eternity when she was a babe and I was a boy, but now…it no longer held such power. I refused to let it because I didn’t know what I’d do if I couldn’t touch her the way I was touching her now.
She laughed quietly, full of torture and tragedy. “I did tell you. In a roundabout way.”
“You didn’t.”
“But I did.” She dared meet my eyes. “I never understood how I could touch you, hug you, kiss you, and you never knew. I didn’t know how I could hide my jealousy when you were with Cassie or later with your one-night stands. I lay awake at night analysing every sentence I said to you, amazed that you never heard what I’d been shouting for longer than I could remember.”
She pressed her face into my right hand, daring to donate a kiss on the edge of my work-worn palm even as her eyes flashed with resentment. “Is that what you came back to hear? To hurt me a little more? To force me to admit that I’ve been stupidly in love with you for years, and there was nothing I could do about it?” Her blue gaze burned. “Is it, Ren? Because fine, you got your wish. Whatever you read…it’s true. I started writing it for college, but then I realised you were right all along. I can never tell people our story because they won’t understand. To start with, I was more afraid of them seeking you out and putting you in prison for kidnapping, but now I’m more afraid that I’d be judged for falling in love with someone who raised me. I’m horrified of what they’d say, the looks they’d give, the disgust on their faces because, even though I understand it’s morally wrong, I can’t help how I feel.”
She kicked a foot-trodden paper, her body wriggling against mine. “I’m sick of feeling like I have to hide. From you and everyone else. I’m sick of lying to David that one day I’ll get over you. I’m sick of watching you self-destruct by sleeping with a parade of women when I was there all along. Wanting you. Waiting for you. Begging you to just open your stupid eyes and see me—”
My boot thudded heavily as I took the final step into her. My leg between her legs. My hips to her hips. My body against her body. My heart pounded as I cupped her cheeks harder, willing her to understand. “They’re open now. Believe me. I see you.” My fingertips burned as I forced myself to be gentle.
She froze, inhaling quick. Her eyelids fell to that sultry stare I had no power against, and this time, I didn’t fight it. This time, my gaze latched onto her parted mouth, and I couldn’t do anything else. I collapsed against her, I breathed in her delicious, familiar scent, and I pressed my lips—
She tore away, ripping her face from my hold and ducking beneath the cage of my arms.
For a second, my brain couldn’t figure out what had just happened. That the kiss didn’t connect. But as I spun around to face her, my jeans tight with unrequited desire, and my mind a fucking mess, I gulped back pure agony as she shook her head, wrapping tight arms around herself as more tears cascaded down her cheeks. “I-I don’t know if you do. If you truly saw me, Ren, you’d understand that this—”