The beast bellowed and nudged me with a shiny black nose.
“Ren!”
My scream tore through the night, bringing my saviour leaping over snow drifts and skidding to a stop in front of me. He shoved me behind his back, facing the monster on his own.
He’d be hurt.
Eaten.
Killed.
“No!” I scrabbled at his back, desperate to help but his dark laughter filled my ears.
His hand came up to land on the shiny nose as his voice lowered to a soothing murmur. “Hey, girl. Where did you come from?”
I couldn’t stop shivering as Ren twisted to look at me over his shoulder. “It’s a cow, silly Ribbon. It won’t eat you.”
A pink tongue lashed from its mouth, licking around Ren’s palm.
“You hungry, girl?” Ren stood, reaching down to help me up while keeping his other hand extended to the cow. She didn’t run off as I climbed to my feet and brushed away cold slush.
The black and white animal shivered same as me, her ears quaking in the blizzard.
“She doesn’t have a brand,” Ren said, searching her flanks with experienced fingertips.
My eyes fell to his hip where, beneath his many clothes, his own brand was a permanent link to my father.
Pointing at the house, he commanded, “Go inside before you freeze, Della. I’ll be back soon.” Not waiting to see if I’d obey, he nudged the cow with a soft hand and guided her through the storm to the barn.
Now, I know what you’re thinking…I really should have obeyed and gone inside, but this was Ren—my idol. I couldn’t let him out of my sight, not for a moment.
So I followed with soaking socked feet that quickly became numb as I trailed in the snow, falling over again and again until I entered the dark hay-smelling barn and watched Ren guide the skinny cow into a stall.
There she bellowed and shoved her face into past seasons bales, shaking off snowflakes and accepting Polcart Farm as her new home.
Ren closed the gate over her stall and jolted when he spotted me.
“Goddamn you, Della Ribbon, what did I say?”
I didn’t care what he’d said because I was completely obsessed by the glossy-eyed black and white beast.
He scooped me from the shadows, tore off my ice-sodden socks, and kicked off his own boots to replace them. Once he’d jabbed my feet into his warm boots, he stood barefoot and glowered with the same black look he always gave me, and the look I always loved because it meant he cared for me fiercely even when I drove him mad.
“Do you want to die?” He waited for me to reply, and when I didn’t, he huffed. “If you get sick again, I’m leaving you behind when it’s time to leave. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
I threw my arms around his neck and nuzzled him close.
He froze, permitting my hug but not returning it, his worry and anger keeping him stiff and unyielding.
But I didn’t mind.
I never minded when he didn’t return my affection because he loved me in other ways.
I was his, and he was mine, and through that bond, I felt things he never said aloud.
I mean, just the way he looked at me?
Wow, I wish I could draw instead of just write so you could see what I saw and feel what I felt.
The way Ren looked at you made you suffer beneath his expectation and glow beneath his praise. He touched you deeper than any hand could reach. He affected you harder than any spoken word ever could.
He cared with his entire soul and committed with entire being.
I might have been raised differently from so many kids. I might have missed out on things and probably lived through events that others would baulk at, but I was luckier than anyone because I had Ren.
I was never lacking for love.
I never felt unwanted or hurt or scared.
He was my entire universe, and he treated me like I was his in return.
Walking with bare ice-block feet toward a hay bale, he placed me down and commanded me not to move. I kicked my little legs and plucked prickly grass from beneath me and nodded with solemn promise to obey.
Muttering something under his breath, he left for a second but returned from another stall with a dinged up metal bucket. With a stern look, he entered the stall with the hay-chowing dairy cow and squatted down beside her.
“She’s bruised from too much milk.” His voice carried through the hushed barn. “She’s wandered from her herd and hasn’t been milked in days.” His strong hands latched around her teats, and I hopped from my ordered spot to tiptoe closer.
Like I said, everything Ren did was magic.
Watching him milk a cow with strong sure pulls made my mouth fall open in awe. Hearing the slosh of fresh milk land in the pail made my tummy gurgle and thirst spring from nowhere. And bearing witness to that cow as Ren took away her uncomfortably full udder and left her empty and eating made me realise that Ren didn’t just care for me with the fierce passion I recognised in his eyes.