Her chin tipped down as a glimpse of tangled things on her face hinted that her deliverance cost her. That there were other things. Deeper things. Scarier things inside her that she’d hidden.
The fact that she was old enough to be complex and have the ability to shield and reveal rather than blurt everything made wariness fill my blood.
What was she hiding?
What wasn’t she saying?
I didn’t trust her.
Not anymore.
Even if every part of me agreed with her that we’d been close in the past and affectionate in our actions, and those hadn’t filled me with terror. Even if every inch howled at the thought of walking away when I truly didn’t want that.
I wanted to stay with her.
I never wanted to say goodbye.
“This is too hard.” I scrubbed my face with my hands. My stomach growled for the hundredth time, reminding me that making life-changing decisions with no food normally always led to bad ones.
Della stayed silent as if knowing I was in the middle of a seesaw. A lean in either direction, and the choice would crash to the ground.
The forest stayed silent and hushed. No creatures moved. No leaves rustled. We were utterly alone—away from judgment and history and the Wilsons who knew far too much about us.
This mistake was between Della and me, and, hopefully, with her promise never to do it again and my vow to make sure it never did, we could eventually find our way back to normal.
We could find another place to call home.
“What about school?” I asked quietly.
Just that one question showed her where my mind was. That I’d already come to terms with leaving. That I’d already agreed to take her with me.
She barrelled into me again, squeezing me tight. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” Her breath heated my t-shirt and chest.
I patted her shoulders awkwardly, prying her off me to look into her face.
The innocent girl was back.
The veiled mask was gone.
If she had any secrets, they’d sank far inside her, and I stood no chance at figuring them out now.
“Are you sure you want to leave behind your friends? Cassie? Liam?”
She nodded. “If you can’t go back, then yes.”
“And school? What about that?”
“I’ll go to another one.” She smiled. “I had to change anyway. I’m in high school now. This was my last term.”
“Oh.”
“But—I don’t have to go back,” she rushed. “I can get a job, too. I can pay my way—”
“Don’t even think such things. You’re finishing school, Della. University too if that’s what you want.”
She smiled with familiar love and devotion. “Okay.”
“Okay.” I smiled back, still not appeased and still tormented, but at least, for now, I didn’t have to tear us apart.
That would come later.
“Come on.” I strode toward the backpack forgotten on the ground. “I’m starving.”
CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
REN
* * * * * *
2013
I’D LIKE TO say things went back to normal easily.
They didn’t.
After that first night, where we headed to an all-night gas station and filled up with lukewarm Hot Pockets and processed snack foods, Della and I kept our distance.
We walked side by side but didn’t touch.
We talked and laughed but didn’t relax.
And when the sun rose on a new day and the decision to leave this place and the people who knew us as the Wilds cemented into reality, we headed to the local supermarket, filled the backpack full of provisions, checked over our old tent and sleeping bag, and traded some cash for another sleeping bag, rucksack, and a few other travel requirements for Della at the only camping store in town.
It felt strange not to steal the stuff we needed, even after years of earning an honest living. It felt even stranger breaking habits and saying goodbye to familiar landmarks that had been our constant for so long.
Not strange bad. Strange good.
I hated how easily I turned my back on everything. How I merely walked out of the Wilsons lives without a backward glance—focused only on finding Della. And now that I’d found her, I didn’t care where we went.
I didn’t think about Cassie.
I didn’t worry about leaving John or Patricia without an employee.
Della was home to me, and there was something infinitely perfect just being the two of us again.
She might have upset me, messed up my mind, and ruined my trust, but nothing could change the fact that where she was, I was happiest, and she was all I needed.
I didn’t know how to change that. And I didn’t know how to make Della see that just because she was my everything, it didn’t mean I wanted to be hers.
She needed to want others. That was part of life. John had advised me on such things.
His gruff voice echoed regularly in my ears: “Show her you’re human with flaws. Figure out a way to keep her as your sister, Ren. Otherwise, you won’t have her at all.”