I picked up the pile of messages Lena had left for me. Chelsea had called three times. I balled up the slips of paper and threw them in the trash without bothering to look at the rest.
There was a hesitant knock on my door. Lena poked her head in. “Court go badly?” she asked, not stepping inside. She knew when I was in a mood it was best to stay away.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”I leaned back and closed my eyes. My head was pounding.
“Um, Meg is out here. She wants you to have a look at the mural, to get your approval before she finishes up. I told her I’d see if you were busy, but she’s getting ready to head out for some more paint, so I thought I’d see if you had a minute.”
Suddenly I couldn’t be there. I stood up and walked past Lena. Meg was talking to Robert, her long, lean legs flecked with paint, her hair held back in a messy bun.
What was I going to do when she left?
“Where are you going?” Lena asked, hurrying after me.
“Cancel my appointments for the afternoon. Say I got sick. I’ve got to get out of here.” I met Meg’s eyes. Hers crinkled in concern.
I wanted to tell her to come with me. That I needed her. But that was a lot of my problem, so I didn’t say a word to her. Instead, I walked out the door and headed to my car. I immediately turned off my phone and peeled away from the curb. I thought about heading home. Maybe work out a little while. Maybe read a book or something. But none of those ideas appealed to me.
So I made a turn down a side street and drove out of town.
Eventually, I was driving along a potholed country lane, my car seesawing every time the tires hit a rut. The long grass swept along the side of the doors, and I briefly worried they’d scratch the finish. Then I decided I didn’t give a shit.
I hadn’t been out this way in almost ten years. I parked the car at the tree line. The old walking path was completely overgrown, but I knew where it was. I had walked it enough times to have it memorized. I got out of the car and stood there for a minute listening to the cicada’s constant hum and felt the tension ease a bit.
I tugged off my blazer and threw it on the passenger seat before making my trek through the dense overgrowth. The last time I had been there was right before school started up for my senior year. It was the night that had sealed our respective futures, though I hadn’t realized that at the time. I wasn’t sure why I came here now, only that I needed to be somewhere that no one could find me. And no one that I worried about looking for me would know to look here.
Except for Meg.
Briars snagged at my three-hundred-dollar trousers, but I didn’t care. I kept going until I broke through the trees and found myself on the bank of the river. The trees hung low over the water, the sun barely able to breakthrough. The river was wide at this point, and deep. I knew that from a lot of experience. I knew that even in the middle of summer, the water was cold. But it hadn’t stopped us from spending hours swimming here as kids.
The Old Grourer swimming hole, named for the family that used to own the land the river cut through, used to be a favorite spot for local kids to hang out. It seemed in the decade since I had been out here, it had been relegated to the memories of the town’s past. Kids today would rather hang out at the mall the next town over than an algae-ridden swimming hole.
Feeling strangely nostalgic for the smelly water, I kicked off my shoes and removed my socks. I unzipped my pants and folded them, laying them on a flat rock by the water’s edge. My dress shirt followed. And my tie. Until I was standing in only my blue boxer briefs.
I climbed up on the rock pile that was smooth from years of teenage feet, and with a slightly insane yell, I jumped into the river.
The cold zapped the air from my lungs, and I quickly rose to the surface, gasping for breath. I laughed, feeling giddy. I dipped my head back under the water, letting myself float, my limbs buoyant.
I closed my eyes and let my mind drift to another time.
Summer was almost over. The school was starting up in less than a week. It felt surreal that I was going to be a senior. That I was about to embark on my last year of high school.