And about how Rosalie Devlin was so devastated, Jack had packed up his mother, sister, and brother Jamie and moved them out of town. Word on the street was that Rosalie’s older brother lived in Wilmington and had invited them to stay until they could get set up on their own.
Jack had left Hartwell.
He’d left me.
Without a word.
Without a goodbye.
I’d thought he’d left for good, no looking back. I was under that impression for the first four weeks.
My friends noticed my despondency. No one pushed me about it.
But one night when I’d joined them at Cooper’s trying to get my mind off it, Cooper had caught me coming out of the ladies’ restroom. I’d sensed him watching me cautiously all night. I knew why when he told me he’d been in touch with Jack. That Jack hadn’t left Hartwell permanently. He was just making sure his family was situated before he returned.
I thought that would make me feel better.
It didn’t.
Because I hadn’t been worthy of knowing this. Of Jack taking the time to tell me.
And I knew he had a lot going on with his family, but … he made love to me and then left me.
Like it wasn’t making love after all.
Like it was just sex.
Like I was just one of his casual tourist flings.
No word from him. Not after his father held me at gunpoint and I’d shot him. Not after Jeff informed me that considering there were three witnesses to Ian holding me at gunpoint, his defense had advised him to take a plea bargain. The case wouldn’t go to court, thankfully, and Ian would serve eighteen months for the crime.
And where was Jack when I found this out? Not with me!
Oh my God. I was pregnant with Jack Devlin’s baby.
A man I definitely did not trust with my heart.
“You have to tell him, Emery,” Jess said gently.
I nodded. It wasn’t something I’d keep from him, no matter how much I was afraid of being permanently connected to someone who could hurt me so badly.
“Cooper has his number if you don’t.”
I shook my head frantically. “No. I’m not telling him over the phone. I’ll tell him if he ever comes back.”
“If? He is coming back … Do you want to tell me what happened between you?”
I did.
Once upon a time, Jess had trusted me with her story. So I told Jess everything.
I even told her about Tripp.
“You can understand why I don’t trust many people, Jess,” I whispered after I was done. “And something told me I could trust Jack. Right from the start. But I can’t. Every time I let my guard down around him … I just end up feeling stupid and used.”
“I know you don’t want to hear this, but I don’t think that’s Jack’s intention. He didn’t tell Cooper the details, but he mentioned that he felt he needed to give you space to think about what you really wanted. And I think he would be devastated if he thought you thought he’d used you.”
“Why is he talking to Cooper about this and not me? Whether he is using me or whether he just thinks I’m a child who needs to be coddled, neither makes me feel very good about him,” I said, hearing the bitterness in my voice.
She sighed heavily. “You’re right. He’s going about this the wrong way. But I know the way he looks at you. Even if it worried me … I liked that for you. And I do know he’s spent all his life trying to protect his sister and mom and Jamie from Ian and his brothers. It’s a habit he can’t break. He’s inadvertently hurt quite a few people to protect his family. It’s noble and sad at the same time.”
Jess was right. Jack would always put his family first. And how could I possibly find fault with that? I couldn’t. I couldn’t blame him for that. I couldn’t hate him for that.
I could hate him for not trusting me, for making decisions about us without discussing it with me, and for abandoning me.
And I could decide not to want to be with someone who would never put me first.
It’s what I wanted. Even if that was selfish. I wanted someone who would put me first because I intended to always put them first.
Just because Jack and I were having a baby didn’t mean I needed to give up hope of one day finding a man who would make me his entire world. Like how Jess was Cooper’s entire world. Like how Vaughn gazed at Bailey like she was miraculous. Like how Michael watched Dahlia as if he was afraid she might disappear.
I wanted what my friends had.
I wanted an epic love.
I wanted a piece of the legend of Hart’s Boardwalk.
“I never imagined raising my child alone,” I whispered.