We told her what we’d witnessed at the hospital—Cooper’s obvious emotion and fear when she was rushed in for the C-section. Jess’s eyes brightened and she murmured something about letting him hover after all.
“Was I?” I replied to Ivy’s leading question.
I knew I’d been quiet.
I was quiet because Jack Devlin had told me he loved me. That he’d loved me for years. And instead of euphoria, I’d felt paralyzed by fear. Jack had stormed out, and other than clipped, short texts checking in about my well-being, I hadn’t seen or heard from him since.
A week of no Jack.
It was miserable.
“How are things going with you and Jeff?” I asked, trying to distract her.
Ivy threw me a smug smile. “Fantastically.”
“In all the Jess, Cooper, Tyler excitement, I never asked how dinner went with your parents?”
“Oh, Mom was her typical embarrassing self, asking Jeff questions about marriage and kids and all those scary, forever topics that we have not broached.”
I groaned on her behalf. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine. Jeff has a great sense of humor. We laughed about it afterward.”
“So, you’re still taking it slow?”
Ivy gave a little huff of laughter. “Trying. I know he’s trying to.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means he’s intense. Not in a bad way,” Ivy hurried to reassure me. “I know the signs for intense in a bad way. I just mean we’re trying to go slow, but we enjoy being around each other. We really, really love sex with one another. And we can talk, Em. We really talk about stuff. Things I never thought I’d ever be able to talk about with a man.”
“That’s great, Ivy.”
“Yeah. I just hope we’re not rushing in too fast. I can’t seem to help it with him.” She grinned, her smile all the more beautiful for how happy she looked. “It’s like having a crush on a really hot famous guy, meeting him, having him miraculously crush on you back, and even more miraculously turn out to be the best guy ever.”
It made me so giddy for her. And giddy for him. He deserved someone great to feel that way about him. “I’m glad for you both.”
“Don’t tell anyone I said all this to you. I don’t want to jinx it.”
“I won’t,” I promised.
“So, you and Jack?” She dove right in.
After all Ivy had confessed to me, I had to trust her. She deserved trust to be reciprocated. “We’ve been having sex.”
“Oh. Okay.”
“A lot of sex. It was supposed to be no strings attached.”
“Yes, because that kind of arrangement makes total sense with the man whose baby you’re carrying.”
I ignored her sarcasm. “He told me he loved me. The morning after Tyler was born. And I didn’t say it back. We haven’t spoken since.”
“Why didn’t you say it back?”
The million-dollar question. I’d had time to think on it this past week. “Because … You know my past, Ivy. You know what’s happened when I dared to love someone. I survived all that. I survived my parents’ lack of love, for goodness’ sake. I survived Tripp. But Jack.” I looked at her, emotion welling inside of me. “Jack has been and always will be the person I want most in the world. And I already know what it feels like to be hurt by him. If I allow myself to admit to him … to start an actual relationship and then he turns around and stops loving me … How do I survive that? And I don’t just have me to think about anymore. I have my baby. I can’t fall apart over a broken heart when I have a child I’m responsible for.”
“Why would Jack stop loving you?” she asked.
“Because people stop loving each other all the time.”
“Okay. Then let me pose another question. Say you do push Jack away because you’re terrified of being hurt. It doesn’t change the fact that you love him. And then he eventually settles for some other woman since he can’t have you. You’ll have to drop off your kid to Jack and this other woman who will help raise your kid. With Jack. How does that make you feel?”
Anytime I imagined that hypothetical, my chest burned like it was on fire from the inside. “Heartbroken,” I whispered.
“So, let’s look at the math. You tell Jack you love him, you create a real family together, and somewhere down the years, there might be a 0.1 percent chance that Jack falls out of love with you and you get your heart broken. Or … you let Jack go now. He meets someone else. There is a 100 percent chance it will break your heart. I don’t know about you, but I much prefer the percentage of the former.”
“Ivy, 0.1 percent is being generous.”
She threw me a wry smile. “Em, do you know what we’ve all been talking about behind your back for weeks?”