His to Take (Wicked Lovers 9)

and do not love her?”

Joaquin winced. “I thought protecting myself from emotion would prevent me from feeling anything, but yesterday, when I thought I’d lost her? I couldn’t take it. I felt as if my whole life had ended. As if I couldn’t take another breath without her. It scared the hell out of me.”

Those terrible moments when he’d been sure she was dead stabbed his heart all over again. The sheer, utter terror was something he’d never, ever forget. The worst part was that he needed to stop shutting himself off from everyone and he didn’t know how.

“Her life almost ended as well. Do you not think she was frightened? Did you not think she would need comfort and support?”

“I didn’t think at all.” And that gnawing shame ate at him. “How did you do it? You loved Dad. How did you cope when the other half of your heart was no longer there?”

A sad smile flitted across her face. “At first, I did feel as if my life could not go on. I felt sure I would never smile or love again. After a time, I realized Eduardo would never have chosen such an existence for me. He was always full of life and love. I missed him terribly each and every day. Sometimes, I still do. But after his death, I had to be available for you kids. I had to learn to go on. I had to allow myself to heal and risk loss again. You must enter any relationship knowing there will be pain.”

“I don’t know how to set myself up for that. It seems stupid to stand there and wait for something terrible.”

“Maybe so, but you will miss everything good if you never get involved with anyone. You will miss the years of smiles and warmth, of touching, support, kind words, laughter, and consolation simply to avoid that one moment of pain.”

“Dad’s death has lasted more than a moment. It’s been forever.”

“Because you never tried to move on. To live or love again. Do you think that is what your father wished for you?”

He already knew it wasn’t. He shook his head. “I don’t know how to apologize to Bailey. Hell, I don’t even know where she is.”

His mother plopped down onto the stool beside him and finally sent him a genuinely warm smile. “You say ‘I’m sorry.’ You say ‘I love you.’ You say ‘I want to spend forever with you.’ And you hope she says yes. If she does not, you will survive. You are strong, Joaquin. The pain of loss will not break you, unless you choose to let it.”

Her answer sounded so simple, and her strength humbled him. She’d been a widow in her early thirties. She’d been married to an absolute douchebag for over a dozen years. Finally, she seemed to have found some happiness. She looked as if she had settled into a peace he envied. Was it really as simple as embracing the life in front of him, enduring both the good and bad, and letting go of all the ghosts of the past?

Slowly, he nodded. “I’ve got nothing else, and I don’t think I can stand to be without her. Like you slyly pointed out, just because I hadn’t told her how I felt didn’t make her absence hurt less, not when I thought she was dead. Not last night when I found myself completely alone and realized I’d really screwed up.”

“I want you happy, son.”

That was the first thing she’d said that sounded like the mother he’d always known talking to the boy he’d once been. “I’m glad you are happy, Mamá.”

“What will you do next?”

“Find Bailey, do my best to scrape and grovel, I suppose. And pray a lot. I’ll need to find a new job. I don’t want another paycheck where I’m trotting the globe all the time.”

Carlotta smiled, then reached across the space between them to grab his hand. “Does that mean you will come visit your mamá more often?”

“A lot more. I’ve missed you.” He dragged her into an embrace, patting her back when she sniffled softly.

Gently, she pulled back and cupped his cheek. Her dark eyes welled with happy moisture as she sent him a radiant smile. “I have missed you. I think for the first time in almost twenty years that I have my son back.”

“You do. I’m not going anywhere this time.” He nearly got choked up and had to swallow it down. “And what about those crazy sisters of mine? I’d like to see them, too.”

Carlotta rose from the stool and almost ran to her cell phone. “I will call them and see if they can meet us for dinner soon.”

“That would be great. I’ll let you know how it goes with Bailey.”

Mamá sent him a secretive smile. “I believe Kata might have mentioned something about a wedding tomorrow in Dallas? Bailey intends to be there.”

“Callie and Sean’s.”

That made sense. Bailey and the heiress had bonded over their mutual tragedies. They’d both risen and overcome. They both had chosen to move forward and seek a new future.

Time for him to do the same. He really hoped that Sean and Callie didn’t mind if he crashed their big day.

“Thanks, Mamá. I love you.”

“I love you, too, son. I wish you all the luck with your lovely girl tomorrow.” His mother stood, kissed his cheek, and drifted toward the back of the house.

So . . . that was that. A little abrupt, but overall the reunion had been better than Joaquin had hoped.

He rose and made his way out of the kitchen, toward the front door. With a puzzled frown, he let himself out and headed for his car. As he approached, fob in hand, he heard the strains of classical music coming from the backyard.

Mamá had always liked spicy Latin tunes and anything upbeat, with an occasional romantic ballad. Caleb seemed a little older, but Joaquin hadn’t pegged him for the classical music type. He shrugged. Maybe he’d gotten it wrong.

Suddenly, the music stopped.

“Again,” a young male voice insisted from behind the fence. “That’s much better, so I want to see it again.”

Joaquin had heard that voice once before, on a voicemail of Bailey’s.

Dashing toward the sound, Joaquin hoped like hell he’d remembered that voice correctly. That meant Bailey had to be near.

Anticipation jerking his heart, Joaquin searched for the gate to the backyard. When he found it, he lifted the latch slowly, peeking through a crack. He didn’t want Caleb or his mother to think he was spying on them, but he could swear the voice he’d just heard was Blane’s.

Or was he so desperate to see Bailey that he’d make up shit in his head now?

When he first peeked into the backyard, he didn’t see anyone. He just observed a long stretch of grass with a bunch of patio furniture stacked around one edge. A big slab of flagstone had been covered by some sort of rubbery black pad. What the hell?

Then a tall man with a boyish face and a killer physique stepped onto the dark, spongy surface, wearing nothing but a pair of icy blue tights and a smile before he swallowed down a bottle of water.

“Come on.” He waved at someone who stood frustratingly out of sight behind a built-in barbeque. “I think you’ve got it.”

But Joaquin could only think of one reason Blane would be at his mother’s house. Bailey must be here, too.

He waited, impatience biting at him, and hoped that he was right. But if that was the case, why hadn’t Caleb or his mother told him she was here?

Well, dumbass, let’s review. Abducting her, forcing her to remember a violent past, and almost getting her killed probably hadn’t made her list of top first dates. Most likely, she didn’t want to see him again.

He’d have to do whatever it took to change that. He refused to spend his life alone if he could have her in his arms.

A second later, she stepped down from the outdoor kitchen area, onto the rubbery mat—the most graceful creature he’d ever seen. She wore a pale pink leotard thing that covered her from slight breast to delicate toe shoes. Her hair was arranged in a haphazard bun on top of her head. She looked tired and so incredibly beautiful. At the sight of her, his heart threatened to cave in.

Bailey.

Blane held out his hand with a flourish, then set himself in a pos

e. She took his hand and settled into a stance of her own.

A moment later, Mamá appeared, lifting a portable music player up on a half wall between the barbeque and the step-down patio. She pressed a button on top of the unit. The strains of the music began again.

Bailey fluttered away from Blane, her face coquettish but teasing as hell as she held an arm out to him, then curled it back to her chest and lifted her leg behind her in a strong, spectacular line, back arched. Blane pursued, reaching for her, but Bailey put herself just out of his reach by executing a magnificent leap.

Blane gave chase again, in some sort of manly ballet walk-step that looked commanding, but his face reflected an anxious longing. He feared Bailey would reject him.

Joaquin understood that worry.

Bailey allowed Blane to catch her for a moment. He wrapped a hand around her wrist and pulled her against his chest, then caged her to him by encircling her delicate waist with his arm. Her expression was vulnerable, yearning. She wanted to surrender herself and to love him, but she was afraid.

That could very well be another instance of art imitating life.

Blane stroked her arm, nestled his face against hers.

Bailey turned, meeting the other dancer’s stare, and Joaquin saw every trembling vulnerability in her blue eyes. Every moment of desire and uncertainty, her ache to trust. He’d seen that on her face before when he’d taken her beneath him and made love to her.

This dance looked every bit as elegant as the one she’d done in her living room in Houston, but this version . . . Joaquin remembered Bailey’s words about the importance of expressing emotion during dance. At the time, he’d pretty much dismissed it. If she could technically do the steps, he’d failed to see how the rest of it mattered. But witnessing the difference for himself? In that moment, Bailey swept him up in her character’s plight. He held his breath, worrying for her happiness. He rooted for her. He stood mesmerized by everything about her.

Suddenly, a large hand fell on his shoulder. “That’s as far as you go.”

Caleb. Shit. Busted.

“Why didn’t you tell me she was here?”

“Neither Carlotta nor I think you deserve to talk to her until you get your shit together. Do you know what you’re going to say to her?”

He didn’t have every word planned, but he wanted to tell her that he loved her. Did it need to be more complicated? “I think so. I want to see her.”

“She’s practicing now. She needs this before her audition on Tuesday. She wants this part. Right now, dance is her life. It’s helping her heal.”

The audition meant a lot to her. Joaquin knew that. He could see how much she’d laid her soul open now, how hard she’d worked to open herself up. He couldn’t stand in her way. He’d stupidly, selfishly left her in Iowa. If she was important to him and this was important to her, he had to respect her dreams.

“I know. She’s staying with you?”

“Yes. After the doctor released her from the hospital, she answered the feds’ questions, then declined a press conference. She doesn’t want the world to know her as Tatiana Aslanov, the Russian scientist’s daughter. She wants them to know her as Bailey Benson the ballerina.”

Fierce pride flowed through Joaquin. She hadn’t let anything—not him, not remembering her past, not near death—break her. She’d put pain and fear behind her to embrace the future she wanted.

Damn, he could learn a lot from her.

He smiled, unable to take his eyes off her. “Isn’t she amazing?”

“Yes. Your mother likes her very much. Your sisters, too. She met Mari this morning. They hit it off.”

In every way Joaquin could think of, Bailey was perfect for him. Now he just had to find some way to tell her, show her, prove to her how much he was ready to let go of the tragedies in his own past and take her hand into the future.

“You’re right. I need a plan. Words aren’t going to be enough.”

“Probably not. You have a lot to make up for.”

“No denying that. But I’m determined.” He actually respected Caleb for putting the truth out there. They didn’t know one another well, but Joaquin already liked his new stepfather. He was obviously good to his mother and for this family.

It occurred to him that Hunter wasn’t just his brother-in-law anymore, but his stepbrother, too. Logan and his wife were now family as well. While he’d been burying his head and hiding from his past, so much had changed. He couldn’t wait to catch up.

Caleb sent him a considering glance. “I heard you lost your job trying to save more women from dying. That true?”

“And avenge a friend’s death, yeah.”

Joaquin missed Nate and always would. He would also regret that he hadn’t done more to deepen the friendship before it was too late. But he swore he’d never make that mistake again.

“You got a line on any jobs yet?”

“Nope. I’d planned to start looking as soon as I left here.” Today was Friday, but he wanted to get a jump on his search before the weekend rolled around. Why wait to start his new life?

“Good. Come with me. Hunter and Logan just arrived. I’ve got a proposition for you boys.”

Joaquin frowned. Why would Caleb throw him a bone of any kind? The man’s first impression couldn’t have been stellar.

With a shrug, Joaquin took a last, lingering glance at Bailey. “She’s staying with you tonight?”

“Yes. She’s riding with Hunter and Kata to the wedding tomorrow.”

He breathed a sigh of relief. “Sure. Then I’m all ears. What did you have in mind?”

Caleb put his hand on his shoulder. “I’ve decided to retire completely and turn my military and personal security business over to you three boys. I plan to persuade Carlotta to travel with me more, so we can enjoy our years together. Jack Cole will have to do without Hunter and Logan, but he’s a resourceful man. He’ll figure it out. You in?”

It sounded like the perfect line of work for him and the sort of thing that would allow him to stay closer to home—and Bailey, if she’d have him.

“Absolutely.” Joaquin stuck out his hand. “Thank you.”

Caleb nodded. “Let’s find Hunter and Logan and drop the bomb on them, shall we?”

Laughing for the first time in ages, Joaquin nodded, took one more glance at Bailey’s beauty, then headed toward the garage with his stepfather.

* * *

BAILEY stared out the huge picture windows of the wooden chapel, framed by white flowers. Sunlight poured in from the cloudless bright blue sky—the sort she swore she’d only ever seen in Texas. Around her, about forty people were gathered to witness the ceremony. She sat beside Kata, who rubbed her belly with a smile. On the other side, Tara clasped Logan’s hand, and they shared a grin. Carlotta and Caleb had been only too happy to watch the twins today.

She saw a few other familiar faces from the bench seats. Happiness flowed through the place, and Bailey was touched that Callie had invited her to attend one of the most momentous occasions of her life. Everything was perfect—or would be if Joaquin were by her side.

Refusing to let her sadness ruin the moment, she shoved the thought aside. The faint background music suddenly swirled to a crescendo, and a romantic classic filled the air, played beautifully by a string quartet in the corner.

A little blond princess, probably four or so, walked down the aisle in a frilly white dress. Her blue eyes looked saucer wide, but she braved a path forward, throwing a mixture of red and white rose petals on a gray velvet runner.

“Aww . . .” Kata groaned beside Bailey. “Isn’t Chloe precious?”

“She is,” Bailey murmured. “Adorable.”

“That’s Luc and Alyssa Traverson’s daughter.” Tara pointed discreetly to a couple across the aisle from them.

Bailey had heard of the gorgeous, famous chef. His wife was stunning. They looked like such proud parents.

Behind the

little girl walked two boys, one bigger than Chloe, one a bit smaller. Both carried little pillows with shining rings on top.

Tara giggled. “The bigger one is Cal, Deke and Kimber’s son.”