“I told you I love you and you said I was nobody,” Lia said, not really hearing him, not wanting to hear him. Not when it would only lead to more pain.
“Lia, I didn’t say that,” he whispered.
“You did. Right in front of that woman, you said I was nobody and you told me to leave. I knew it was just a fling and I know I broke the rules, but you didn’t have to say that. You didn’t have to hurt me and humiliate me.”
Sam watched her fold in on herself and melt into tears, and it just about killed him. It had been a throwaway comment meant to dissuade Lally and to get Lia out of harm’s way as soon as possible. But what he’d essentially done was tell this beautiful woman, who mere moments earlier had confessed to being in love with him, that she meant nothing and that she didn’t merit so much as an introduction.
He had fucked things up quite royally, and while it would be easy to blame Lally’s horrendous timing, he should have picked his words more carefully.
“Lia, don’t cry,” he muttered helplessly. He wanted to hold her but knew that she would reject any overture of affection from him right now. “Please. Please let me explain.”
“I want you to leave,” she insisted through her tears.
“No.” He could play that game, too.
“Sam . . .”
“No, Lia. I’m not leaving. In fact, I think I’ll be moving in here, and I’ll be in your face every fucking day until you listen to me.”
She wiped the heels of her hands over her cheeks, tilted her chin, and folded her arms tightly over her chest. Her body language was completely closed off, and he could tell that she wasn’t ready to listen to him at all.
“Fine! I’ll listen, then you have to go.”
“You’re angry with me. You’re hurt. And it’s my fault. I told you I’d fucking hurt you, didn’t I?” he couldn’t help reminding her defensively. “I warned you.”
“Gold star to you for being a man of your word, Sam Brand.”
“It wasn’t intentional, Lia.”
“That makes it worse.”
“For God’s sake, I’m trying to apologize.”
“Don’t bother. There’s no point. There’s nothing between us anymore.”
“For such a mellow, sweet person, you’re a huge drama queen at times, you know?” He couldn’t keep the exasperation out of his voice and sighed hugely. “I’m sorry,” he said, quieting his voice. “I’m sorry for saying what I did. You’re not a nobody to me, Lia. You’re . . . pretty much the opposite of nobody to me.”
Her taut posture relaxed the very slightest bit, and it reminded him of his interactions with Trevor. He needed to regain her trust. Needed to make her understand that he was someone she could rely on.
“I wanted to end our fling,” he repeated patiently, his voice as gentle as he could make it, “because I want more than a fling with you.”
The words finally seemed to penetrate, and her eyes widened and latched on to his face in confusion.
“What do you mean?” she asked, and he tried not to wince at how the crying had thickened her voice even more.
“This is the first time I’ve ever done this kind of thing,” he confessed awkwardly. “I don’t usually have these kinds of conversations with women.”
“What kinds of conversations?”
“The stuff about feelings and crap. It’s fucking uncomfortable. I don’t know how people—guys especially—do this shit.”
“Sam, what did you mean about wanting more than a fling?” she asked, steering him back on track, and he gave her a grateful nod for the nudge.
“Damn it, I mean I want to go out with you. To places. Where people eat and maybe dance. I want to hold your hand in front of your family. I want to sleep with you every night. I want us to make love . . . not fuck. Jesus, that sounded fucking corny out loud, didn’t it? Of course, I still want us to fuck. I mean, we’re fantastic at it. But I stopped thinking of it as just that. It’s not just scratching an itch with you, Lia. It hasn’t been for a while. You told me you were in love with me, and all I could do was stare at you and marvel at your bravery. Because I’m in love with you, too, and I don’t know if I’ll ever have the courage to tell you that.”
Lia couldn’t stop staring at him. His beautiful, earnest face, his eyes shining with sincerity and his voice shaking as the words tumbled from his lips. Uncertain at first but gaining conviction with every sentence. She didn’t even think he realized that he’d just confessed to being in love with her. Her heart soared at the revelation, even while she still listened to his every word with undivided attention. She had to absorb this while she could, because she knew he would never again be this open and effusive about his feelings.