“I’m going to cum,” I announced.
“I want to taste it,” she pleaded. “Please, let me eat your seed.”
After a few more strokes, I pulled out and moved to the other end of the bench. It didn’t take more than a few sucks from her beautiful lips until I was shooting my hot load. It filled her dainty mouth, and she swallowed dutifully.
“Thank you, sir,” she said with some of the mess still on her tongue. “That was a tasty reward.”
“You deserve it,” I panted. “You’ve been a very good girl.”
I looked away. Again, I had lost control. I wasn’t myself, and for Sandra, I was breaking my previous rules. Things seemed to be moving so fast. She was now calling me “sir,” and it aroused me so much. It didn’t even require prompting. I let loose her bonds and sat down on the leather bench next to her, looking concerned.
“What is it, sir?” she asked. “You don’t want to stop, do you?”
“I don’t know,” I panted. “I don’t know anything anymore. I seem to be losing control around you, and I don’t know if I like it. It’s frightening.”
“Should we…stop?”
“It’s too late now,” I dismissed. “I’ve bent you to my will. And you’re so eager to please me.”
She raised her eyebrows up and down and smiled at me. “Yes, I am, sir! Thank you.”
I gave her a kiss and sent her off to bed in the guest room. Finally, I was left alone with my thoughts. I wonder what Kelton would think of all this? He’d probably lecture me on what a fool I was to risk so much on one girl. Plus, when he found out she was also related to my bosses at the firm…
“What are you thinking, Jack?” he’d say. “This woman could ruin you! The whole firm! You can’t take wild chances like that! What if she retains counsel and sues us? I could be out on the street!”
But I think I may be in love with her, hypothetical Kelton. Am I just supposed to ignore that? How could I go on with my life if I just let her pass me by? Especially since so many other women before her were just… there. Yes, they were beautiful, intelligent, and successful, but they weren’t Sandra.
I took a shower. The cleansing warm water allowed me to think as it further relaxed me. Perhaps I was being too cynical about this entire situation. What had I lost? Nothing. What had I gained? Seemingly, quite a bit. Was I complaining just to hear myself?
And what of the firm and its rules? Sandra and I were both consenting adults. Yes, we were technically coworkers, but we were at the same level. How could it be wrong if we dated? The only serious challenge would be if someone points this out during the merger process. That could be problematic as one company suing the other for poor representation or something since I’m bonking one of their lead lawyers on the case.
Sandra was worth it, though. Never had I met a woman that took so well to becoming a submissive in a short time. But laying in my bedroom in the dark, I began to doubt whether or not I could handle the relationship.
Perhaps I never really wanted what I thought I did. Maybe I was one of those self-destructive types that didn’t believe I deserved happiness. And when that potential for happiness was put before me, I would instinctively push it away. Was that what this was? Me pushing away what was right and good and just?
Maybe, deep down, I wanted someone who was only pretending at the lifestyle. That way, I could always have the higher status. No one would ever be “good enough,” and I could wallow in my comfortable misery forever. There would never be any real risk in the relationship, just me lording over my continually imperfect other half. Eventually discarding them for the next unworthy dateable that I would no doubt turn my nose from.
Facing my demons in the dark like this, that’s what was genuinely terrifying about being alone with your thoughts. It’s not the loneliness or the aching for another, it’s that you’re alone with you and your ideas. And your brain, for all its faults, knows the truth somewhere. It’s easy to lie to yourself when there’s a bunch of people around, but it’s nearly impossible when you’re lying alone in the dark.
Or maybe I was overthinking the entire thing. Perhaps I had “suffered” through numerous liaisons for a reason — to get to Sandra. You have to date a hundred wrong people to find a good one, that sort of reasoning. Maybe I had to allow myself to deserve her.
Worst case scenario, if I do, I’m wrong. Maybe it hurts my career, but I won’t die. It’ll be a minor setback, but I’ll survive. The risk seems worth the reward. I had to stop second-guessing myself and move forward with a positive attitude.