Locked Down with Mr. Right

Most of them had never seen me work nor really understand my prices. The only ones who had ever actually seen it first-hand were Mari, who was quite used to it by that point, and Maria, who had walked in on me once with something important while Mari was away from her desk and therefore unavailable to stop her.

It was like slamming the breaks on a speeding train. I did my best to hold on and not let my thoughts run off the proverbial rails. I could almost hear the grinding between my ears, the one other than my teeth, as I tried to refocus. Three clicks back. Yes. I had seen what I thought I had.

Adelaide Harris. ‘Addie’. According to numerical birth date, she turned 40 a month ago. It shouldn’t matter but she didn’t look it, at least not how society dictated that she should. Everyone, of course, being an individual.

The actual facts were usually laying somewhere between the established extremes, which is why standards could seem so contradictory. There was no inherent reason for anything to be the way it was. Definitions were often functional rather than inherent and values were often personal rather than universal.

I didn’t know exactly what combination of elements came together in that moment. What I did know, as well as I knew my own name or that gravity did indeed exist by fixture of the fact that we weren’t all orbiting space, I knew she was the one.

I scrolled down further, more as a formality than a decision maker, coming across her secondary photo option. A scintillating beach shot of Addie in a quite revealing bikini. It wasn’t a deal maker. That was already done. I would be lying if I said a certain instinctive portion of my neurology was not awakened, lighting up like the burning Christmas tree I found one grave December morn when the candles had been left out.

The sweeping was as distinctive as it was immediate. My pants, which hand been expertly tailored to fit perfectly, suddenly felt several sizes too small. Particularly in the crotch region. The call was clear, but still I avoided it. It seemed somehow wrong to indulge such desires while at the office, particularly with Mari so close, wall notwithstanding. I doubted she would even bat an eye. It would hardly be the most shocking thing she had seen that week, but still I’d rather avoid the embarrassment if at all possible.

Even more than that, there was the morality of the thing. Not religious. Not for a while by that point. The qualm was entirely philosophical, having more to do with wanting to be the driver of my own bus than what anyone else expected me to do or be. Pardon my French, but fuck convention. What has it ever brought but misery and two world wars?

As such, I endeavoured to be as much myself as logic and the law would allow. Part of which meant forgoing the vices that had kept me down for so long. It had been nearly fifteen years since I’d had encountered any sort of pornography or imbibed any drugs stronger than aspirin. It wasn’t really a moral issue, or even a health concern. It was a matter of autonomy. Personal habit was the enemy of free thought as much as, if not more than, external expectation.

For a moment I wondered if I was hitting a quarter life crisis, being 35 at the time of my absurdist epiphany. In retrospect, it seemed unlikely.

I always said that if I even had a mid-life crisis it would be obvious. No sports cars or college-aged girlfriends for me. I planned to go proper rebellious and live alone in a cabin high up in the mountains and study philosophy and magick full time while living off of my pension. I could imagine the same thing would apply to the earlier incarnation of socially prescribed self-doubt without the guaranteed assurance of government-provided income.

Typing a missive to all concerned parties, aside from Addie herself, I finished off the lukewarm latte and headed for the elevators. Mari let out a gasp of surprise as I passed her desk.

“Oh! So, you’re done then, Tobias.”

“Indeed, I am, Mari. Strike up the band and ready the marchers. I sense a parade coming on.”

“Metaphorically, right?” Mari asked, completely unflappable, though I did try.

“Exactly.”

“Goodnight, Tobias,” Mari said, gathering her coat and purse.

“Goodnight, Mari,” I said, opening the door for her before following her out into the gathering night.

Chapter Three

Addie

It was worse than I remembered. My weekend with Mercy almost made me forget all the shit. My shit job. My shit ex. My shit situation with Duncan seeming to prefer being with his dad more than me, even though I loved him so much.

That’s really what turned the knife the most. I had always done my best for my baby even after that term stopped applying in the social sense. He would always be my baby, no matter how big he happened to get or how much he grew.