Insider (Exodus End 1)

tears suddenly flooding her eyes, Logan slid a hand along the top of her back, not sure if he should hug her or what.

“You’re perfectly wonderful to me.” She yanked a tissue out of the nearby box and dabbed at her eyes. “Sorry.”

“Will you please tell me what’s wrong? Are you in pain?”

“Yes and no,” she said. “When that medic tried to force that oxygen mask over my face, I kept seeing my father the day he died. They tried everything to resuscitate him, but that oxygen mask didn’t do him a bit of good. The paramedics didn’t do him a bit of good. I didn’t do him a bit of good.”

“I didn’t realize that’s why you didn’t want assistance.”

“How could you?”

He stroked her hair from her face, and she lifted her head, eyes streaming. When she sucked in her lips to stifle a sob, he scooped her onto his lap and pressed her face into the crook of his neck. He couldn’t stand to see the pain in her expression.

“Thinking about Dad made me really miss my sister. I just needed to hear her cheery voice, so I called home.” She laughed hollowly. “That was a mistake.”

Toni had told him about her little sister’s heart condition and her weak immune system. Was that the real reason she was so upset. “Is your sister okay?”

“She’s fine. I asked my mom if she could drop my spare set of glasses in the mail.”

“Good idea.”

“Not really. She decided she’d deliver them in person. She’ll be at our hotel on Saturday.”

The bottom dropped out of Logan’s stomach. “She’s coming to Denver?”

“And she’s bringing my sister.”

“Oh.” Logan tried to pull his shit together before she caught on to his distress. “I look forward to meeting them.” Sure, having to entertain uninvited guests would cut into the time they’d planned to fuck like maniacs, but he knew Toni’s family meant a lot to her. And he really was curious about them. Even though he normally had a rule about meeting mothers.

“And worse, my editor’s coming too.” Toni’s body trembled uncontrollably until he tightened his embrace and she snuggled closer.

“That bitch Susan?” Maybe he’d have the opportunity to tell her off in person.

Toni nodded. “You know she wants this job for herself,” Toni said. “She doesn’t think I’m capable of doing it properly. And as much goofing off as I’ve been doing thus far, I don’t have much to show her to prove that I’m capable of producing professional results.” Toni sat back on his knees and met his gaze. “Mom says if I can’t demonstrate I’m making good progress on this assignment, Susan will take my place in Denver and I have to go home.”

Like hell!

“You haven’t even been working at it for a week,” Logan said. “I’m sure you have tons of material for the book already.”

“But it’s not organized. At all. I’ve got notes on napkins. And release forms shoved into my messenger bag. Half of my photos are on the video card in my broken camera. My boobs are blocking the periphery of some of my backstage footage.”

“And you have sex sounds on your interview recording.”

She flushed and threw her hands in the air. “Exactly!”

“I’ll help you organize it,” he said. “We’ll put together a presentation that will wow the socks off your mom. And Susan can go to hell.”

“You’ll help me?”

“Of course.”

She beamed at him and wrapped him in an enthusiastic hug. “Thank you!”

He wasn’t sure why her happiness and thankfulness filled him with overwhelming joy. But he wasn’t going to dwell on it, simply enjoy the sensation. Smiling down into her lovely face, he cupped the back of her head and claimed her lips in a deeply satisfying kiss.

When he pulled away, she blinked up at him. “Why are you helping me?” she asked, squinting her eyes at him suspiciously.

“Because I don’t want you to leave.” It was probably the most open and honest thing he’d ever said to her, and she rewarded him with a dazzling smile.

“Oh,” she said. “I thought maybe you were going to use your generosity to coerce me into having anal sex.”

He lifted his brows at her, wondering why he hadn’t thought of that. “Would it have worked?”

“Maybe.” She grinned. “But it’s too late for that now. I know the truth. You want me to stay.”

Of course he did. How could he not? She was unequivocally marvelous.

“Logan! Are you on the bus?” Butch called from up the corridor.

“Yeah!”

“Curtain call, buddy. I hope you’ve finished with her.”

He hoped he never finished with her.

“We’re just talking!” Toni called.

“Then hurry up,” Butch yelled. “You’re late.”

“Are you coming to the show?” Logan asked as he helped her slide from his lap.

“I’d like to,” she said, “but I need to try to salvage the data off my memory card.”

“You can do that tomorrow.”

“Please don’t force me to go out in public with taped glasses.”

She gazed up at him with imploring brown eyes, and he melted on the spot.

“You look cute.” She always looked cute.

She gave him a look that called bullshit.

“Logan! What’s taking you so long?” Butch bellowed.

“You’d better be at my next show,” he said, backing out of the room.

“Find some superglue to fix these glasses, and I promise I won’t miss it.”

He smiled at her. She gave him so much and asked for so little. Something bounced off the back of his head, and he turned to find Butch glaring at him from the aisle. “Get a move on. She isn’t going anywhere.”

Not if he could help it.

Logan raced out of the bus with Butch on his heels. “I need superglue,” Logan said as they dashed toward the arena.

“By now, I know better than to ask you why.”

Backstage, someone handed Logan his bass guitar and sound equipment, and then shoved him toward the access door beneath the stage. He hurried to his platform, finding his place just as Steve’s drum kit began to rise. Logan rushed to put his instrument in place while a technician switched on his amplifier. His heart thudded with panic when he missed the first note of the song, but he caught up on the second chord and braced himself as the platform beneath him shuddered and began to lift him toward the stage. It moved even slower than usual, rising until it reached the enclosed area of his chute. The platform produced an earsplitting shriek and then stopped with a thud. Logan kept playing as the rest of the band entered the stage, and he wondered if his platform was ever going to start moving again. He was trapped in the chute, the stage several feet above his head and the open side of the chute that allowed him to get on his platform inaccessible from this height. He kept his eyes trained upward to the open space above him so that panicky feeling of being trapped in a small enclosure didn’t get the better of him.

Well wasn’t this just great?

He wondered if anyone had even noticed that he was stuck. He was just the bassist after all. Max’s head appeared far above. He pointed down at Logan as he sang the chorus of “Ovation” and Logan played the bass line as though he weren’t trapped in a hole.

Reagan checked on him next and finding that he wasn’t dead, hopped away to keep her newfound fans entertained. The song ended, and Logan reached up to see if he could touch the edge of the stage above. It was much too far for him to climb out. Maybe if he wedged his back against the metal wall, he could press his feet against the opposite wall and inch his way out of this hell.

“What are you doing, Schmidt?” Max asked, peering down at him from the stage above.

“I’m stuck.” Logan jumped and tried to get a hand on the edge of the stage to pull himself out of his pit, but he missed his mark by at least a foot. “A little help here, guys.”

Max and Dare were too busy lau

ghing to offer him a hand and Reagan did nothing but stand at the edge of his hole and shake her head at him.

Toni should have followed him onstage tonight after all. Surely she’d want to include this fiasco in her book.

May 6

Dear Journal,

Busy, busy day. We started with an album signing, and then everyone participated in a crazy sound check that was a lot of fun. I’m sure the stuff with Mad Dog and Rebekah is going to turn out awesome in the book. I interviewed a few fans backstage and got footage of Logan enjoying a mosh pit before I was tackled to the stage. I hurt my pride more than my ass, but unfortunately my glasses ended up broken. Somehow Logan found some superglue and fixed them for me. He’s such a sweetie. Don’t tell him I said that. Apparently he got stuck in his stage chute and they had to use a ladder to rescue him. Poor baby. He brushed it off as funny, but I’m sure it was scary.

So can you believe this? Mom is bringing Birdie and Susan to Denver in two days. Between now and then I have to get some really good, usable material about each of the band members and start organizing my data. I have a lot of work to do in a short amount of time, so I probably won’t write much over the next few days.

Oh, Logan’s done with his shower. Time for bed. Don’t wait up.

Overwhelmed-but-determined,

Toni

May 7

Dear Journal,

I didn’t get much sleep last night. And not because I was working. Logan surprised me with a sex pop quiz, and I had to demonstrate all the things he’s taught me so far. By the time I was finished with him, he said I definitely earned my A. So I was a bit tired all day.

We’re in Salt Lake City now. The band had a signing at a guitar store today. Sinners, Riott Actt, and Twisted Element were all there too. A lot of people brought their guitars to be signed by a favorite band member or sometimes the whole band or sometimes every musician present. Some fans forked out hundreds of dollars to buy guitars at the store to have signed. I didn’t know each band member has licensed instruments on sale to the public. The guys designed the shapes and colors of the guitars themselves. More stuff for the book! The event was great fun, as usual. I really enjoyed watching Dare and Trey interact. They’re so close. Almost as close as Birdie and I. I used to think that was common, but I’m starting to see the bond we share is truly special.

And I guess I’ll get to see her in Denver day after tomorrow. I’m looking forward to seeing her, but not Mom so much. When she told me she was coming, I was so pissed that I—Well, I didn’t really do anything. But next time I see her . . . Right. I probably won’t do anything then either. Or maybe I will. I’m just not sure what yet. And poor Birdie. Mom knows she hates flying, so why is she subjecting her to it? I texted her and told her she didn’t have to come, that I can email her sample pages of the book if she needs evidence that I’m working. She said it was too late, she’d already bought the tickets. And Susan is coming too. Ugh! I’m not sure if I’ll be able to tolerate her abuse. I don’t have to take her shit, right? Right. Still, I’d rather get her off my case in a nonconfrontational manner. She scares the piss out of me.

Logan’s at the after-party right now. I watched him play live tonight. God, he’s amazing. He was so sexy, I jumped his bones as soon as he came off the stage. I hoped he would skip the party and stay on the bus with me, but he wanted to go celebrate. I don’t know where the man gets all his energy. I’m not upset that he goes partying with Steve and the rest of the guys after their shows, just baffled by how they manage to keep going. I suppose at some point I’ll have to find the energy to attend another one of those things for the book. I didn’t stay long enough at the first one to get the full experience.

Tomorrow we drive to Denver. The guys have agreed to write out the answers to all of Susan’s questions. Except Logan. Logan said he wouldn’t answer any of them unless I was naked and I asked in a sexy voice. He’s such a tease!

Still waiting for him to admit he has feelings for me, but I’m content with things the way they are for now.

I won’t always be this patient. I need to hear him admit he loves me almost as much as I need to tell him how I feel.

I’m going to bed now. I need to get up early and practice my seductive interviewer voice.

Toni

May 8

Dear Journal,

So the wonderful man who is currently snoring across the room helped me put together a portfolio. So far I have several pages for each band member and a backstage section and one for live in concert. I also have a folder full of clips and photos that I can use later. We had to sort out the good from the bad, such as me ass-planting on the stage—I didn’t realize I’d taken a picture on the way down. Haha! And all of the incriminating stuff they don’t want in the book? I’ve hidden that away. There’s a lot of it. There’s actually more of that kind of material than stuff I can use. But that’s okay; no one has to know but me. Susan can gloat that it seems like I haven’t gotten much work done this week. I don’t care. If the finished product is garbage—and I guarantee it won’t be—then she can complain. Until then she can shut the fuck up.

Wow. Not sure where all this anger is coming from. I guess the high from smoking pot wears off quickly. Logan talked me into smoking a little. I don’t think I’ll do it again. It wasn’t as fun as I thought it would be. But food does taste really good. All I wanted to do was eat and lounge around. It was a good way to unwind after finishing the portfolio. And the sex afterwards was as good as always, but Logan fell asleep right after. He’s usually good to a go a few times before he crashes. I think he does need these off days to unwind.

The guys were great about answering Susan’s questions. They passed my laptop around and filled in the blanks as we drove from Salt Lake to Denver. I honestly can’t believe how good they are to me. I thought they’d treat me cordially at best or disdainfully at worst, but they make me feel like I’m a part of their group. Reagan says we’re going to go clothes shopping when we’re in New Orleans next week. I wonder if that’s her way of politely saying my wardrobe sucks.

Well, I’d better head to bed. Not sure if I’ll be able to sleep. I’m still a little worried that Mom will say I haven’t done enough work and let Susan take my place. I’m not sure how I’ll handle that situation. I’m not ready to leave yet. Those feelings have a lot to do with the job, but much more to do with Logan. Eventually this job will end and then what? Do we go our separate ways?

I don’t want to think about it today.

And unlike Scarlett O’Hara, I don’t want to think about it tomorrow either.

Good night. Wish me luck!

Toni

Twenty-Six

Toni answered her phone, glad it was her mother’s name on caller ID and not Susan. She had her presentation ready to go, but she was not ready to face the woman.

“We’re down in the lobby,” Mom said. “Why don’t you come meet us for breakfast?”

“Yeah, okay. I’ll be down in a few minutes.”

Logan rubbed at the tension knot between her shoulders. “Your editor?”

Toni shook her head. “My mother. She wants me to come down for breakfast.”

“Am I invited?” Logan asked.

Toni smiled. “Do you want to be invited?”

“I’m not sure. Is she going to rip my balls off, toss them on the floor, and stomp on them?”

Toni covered his crotch with a hand. “I’ll protect you from her wrath.”

He laughed and kissed her cheek. “Just let me get my shoes.”

When they reached the hotel lobby a few minutes later, Toni didn’t have to bother searching the expansive area for her party. Birdie’s loud mantra of “Toni, Toni, Toni!” immediately alerted her to her mother and sister’s location.