Chapter 21
Bruce
I can hear the blood roaring through my veins, a dull constant in my ears at her saying her ex didn’t treat her well. I can read between the lines, and I know she’s making it seem like less than it was. I can hear it in the small way she said he liked her weak.
This is the shadow that haunts her, the thing that stole her easy smile. I suspected it was something to do with her ex, but not this, not that he took this beautiful woman and broke her. I want her to fly even more after hearing the little bit she shared. Because there’s more, of that I’m sure.
She’s right about one thing, though. “I’m glad you’re happy, Al. That’s all I want, all I ever wanted. I know we both thought it would be with each other from high school on, and our lives would look so different if that’s how it’d played out, but this detour . . . I think we can get back on track, if you want that too.”
I’m not trying to put pressure on her. I’ve already told her I’m willing to do anything she wants, from no-strings casual to as serious as a diamond ring on her pretty little finger. But she gets to decide our next step, especially after what she just divulged. I want her to know deep in her heart that I want her strong, that I want us to be partners.
I’m usually sort of an alpha caveman myself, but I like the fiery side Allyson always had. Al needs this power right now, and I know I need her strong too. It takes a strong woman to handle Brutal Tannen.
She’s quiet for a long time, both of us staring up at the sky. I don’t know about her, but I don’t really see the stars. I’m seeing us, the years we missed, the sadness that haunted us both, the journey we went on without one another but still converged into this moment.
Like we’re meant to be.
“Michelle told me something tonight. At the time, I thought she was crazy, but I think she might be right.” She’s rushing the words, but in the dark, I can’t tell if she’s excited or nervous without seeing her.
“What did she say?” I ask cautiously.
“This is a date, but not it’s not really like it’s our first date because of . . . everything.” She’s hemming and hawing, which only makes me that much more interested in what she’s trying so hard to say. “So, if it’s not really a first date, it wouldn’t be bad for us to do . . . not-first-date things.”
Her tone is heavy with meaning that even a stupid fucker like me can decipher. I’m surprised that’s where she’s going, especially considering the deeper thoughts that’d been playing through my own mind, but I’m not going to look a gift horse in the mouth.
I move fast, pulling her across my lap so that we’re face to face, her thighs straddling my hips. Like there’s actually a god looking out for us, the moon comes out from behind a cloud and I can see her pretty clearly. She’s nibbling at her bottom lip, and though it’s too dark to tell for sure, I get the distinct impression that she’s blushing.
“Say it, Al. Tell me exactly what you want. Be real fucking sure about what you say, though, because you know I’ll give you anything.” She means sex. I truly mean anything.
“I want you to . . .” Her spine straightens as she finds her spirit. “I want you to fuck me, Bruce. Hard and rough, like I’m not some fragile thing that’s broken inside. I want to forget the years in between us then and us now. Fuck me, Bruce.”
She gathered steam as she spoke, her voice steady and more confident, her needs and desires laid bare. It’s sexy as fuck to hear her tell me to fuck her, but the thought that she feels fragile breaks my heart. She’s one of the strongest people I’ve ever known. The urge to hunt her asshole ex down flashes though me again but is quickly washed away by the urgency of what she’s asking.
This will be the first time we ever have sex without being in love and that’s fucking with my head.
No, I correct myself. We’re just not in love yet. But I do love her, or the idea of her, of us. And I promised her I could handle this, would let her lead and give her whatever she needs to find herself, especially after her story highlighted just how lost she’s been. This is the dance of my life, two-stepping for our life, the one we could have together. But it starts here.
It’s definitely not a bad gig, tasting her sweetness again, working her body until she’s drunk on me the way I’m already drunk on her.