I don’t give him a chance to answer the rhetorical question, barreling in myself. “I get it, I was a pain in your ass when all that shit went down, but I’m the one who went through the hard shit. If I can forgive her, why the hell can’t you stand down?”
He gets right up in my face, hissing, “She’s dangling everything you ever wanted in front of your face. The whole deal—her, a kid, football.” He ticks each thing off on his fingers. “Like a ready-fucking-made family, but it’s not yours. She’s not yours, that kid ain’t yours, and you’ll have a few weeks of football and then what? She’s gonna chew you up and spit you out . . . again. And I’m not gonna be the one to prop you up this time.”
My fists are curling and unfurling with how bad I want to beat the shit out of him. He’s my brother, but we’ve always been a family of fists over words. And right now, he’s spoiling for a fight I’m more than willing to give him.
“You just can’t stand that I’m happy, can you? I’ve been walking around like a damn ghost for almost ten years, your partner in every crime, but now that I’m getting what I want and have a real shot at being happy, you . . . you . . . you’re jealous!”
It hits me like a branding iron, hot and painful.
The questions, the doubts, the eye rolls as I tried to tell him about Allyson, the way he found problem after problem with our getting back together.
He laughs, but it’s sarcastic and twisted. “I ain’t jealous, motherfucker. I’m scared. I know how close to the edge you were after Allyson, after Mom, hell . . . I know just how furious you were with all that shit with Dad. And you ain’t got football to take it out on this time. You ain’t even got the Bennetts since they’re family now.
“You’ve had a knot of anger inside your chest for so long that you didn’t even feel it anymore because you’d gotten so used to it,” Bobby says, “But it’s gone now.”
He pushes at my arm, and I let him, so stunned I don’t even reply before he throws one more knife my way.
“You think you’re the observant one around here, but it never occurs to you that we’re watching you too, does it?”
I have no idea what he’s talking about, but as he looks at the other guys, I follow his eyes around our tight circle. They look ready to step in if we throw down, but also like they agree with Bobby. “We’ve seen you look like you could chew nails and spit them out, beat the shit out of people, and literally growl like an animal. Your nickname is Brutal, for fuck’s sake. And now you’re all Mr. Sunshine and Rainbows. Your shoulders are down, you smile all the damn time, and I swear you’re this close to skipping around. If I see you with a kid on your shoulders, I’m calling bullshit.”
“What. The. Hell. Are. You. Talking. About?” I enunciate slowly and clearly.
Brody clears his throat. “Uh, Brutal? He’s right, you know, though if a big fucker like you can skip, I’d pay good money to see it.” He’s trying to make a joke to defuse the situation, but Brody’s not exactly a laugh-a-minute sort so it’s a bit flat. “You’ve been different the last few weeks. Especially since whatever happened last week.”
He lifts his brows pointedly. But I didn’t tell Brody all the nitty-gritty of my night with Allyson after I tried to tell Bobby. He hadn’t been particularly interested in listening. Maybe I picked the wrong brother to celebrate the breakthrough with Allyson with. Though looking at Brody’s brooding glare, maybe I should’ve just told Shayanne. She’d have been happy for me.
I sigh, taking my hat off and running my hands through my hair. “Okay, so I’m smiling? Shouldn’t my being happy make you happy? Isn’t that like a family thing we’re supposed to be doing? I mean, I know it’s been a while, but it seems like that’s a thing.”
Brody dips his chin. “It is, not that I’m some expert on family shit, but yeah . . . we’re happy for you or whatever.” We’re so great at talking about our feelings. “It’s just fast, real fast.”
My mouth gapes. “Fast? It’s taken ten years, for fuck’s sake!”
Bobby interjects then. “No, it’s been like a month. And most of that, you were at each other’s throat.”
“Because of a misunderstanding!” I boom. Every man tenses his shoulders, ready for battle between Bobby and me. “Ugh, damn it, Bobby! It’s not fast. It’s like we had this all planned out and things went sideways for way too long. I lost her once, but I won’t do it again. You’re right about one thing—this is what it should’ve been. Her, me, a kid. A future. And I’m gonna grab on to this chance with both fucking hands and hold on tight because I love her.”