“I did see, honey! You did so well,” I correct out of habit, but he doesn’t even hear it.
“Coach B is the coolest, isn’t he, Mom?” Cooper asks, looking up at me. His cheeks are bright pink from the little bit of wind whipping him as they drove around. As I scan his blue eyes, so clear and bright, I search for any doubts, any nerves, any fears, but find none. He is the happy, healthy, innocent boy I wanted him to be.
“He is, Cooper,” I agree, looking back out to the OHV spinning mud into the air. But I don’t see the messy, dirty craziness. I see the future—one with excitement and safety, love and security. A future with Bruce.
Chapter 25
Bruce
I smell Mama Louise coming before I see her, or rather, I smell the stacks of freshly cooked burgers she’s bringing on a big tray. “I’ve got hamburgers and cheeseburgers, or if you’d rather have a hot dog, line up with Katelyn.”
Once everyone’s settled with their burger or hot dog, a bag of chips, and a big plastic cup of Shay’s juice, we get down to the real reason for this campout. “Guys, I want to tell you how proud I am of all your hard work. It’s only been a few weeks, but you have become a true team. It hasn’t been easy, and I know there’ve been some hiccups. But we’ve really come together, and I’m excited to see how the season goes because no matter what that scoreboard says, we’re already winners. We’re Wildcats.”
I’m channeling some of my great coaches over the years. It feels both weird and completely natural to be on the other side of the pep talk now, the coach instead of the player, even if my brothers are looking at me like I’ve sprouted a second head on my right shoulder. Or just become someone new, but maybe that part’s a little bit true.
I look at Brody and Bobby, telling them with my eyes to ‘shut the fuck up’. They look back, eyes virtually identical to mine, except theirs are laughing at me.
Allyson chimes in her agreement. “Thanks for welcoming me to the team as a coach. I might not know a lot about football.” She pauses as the kids chatter, some saying ‘it’s ok’ and some saying ‘no kidding’, and she laughs along with them good-naturedly, all drama forgotten from their issue before. “But I know heart, and each of you have so much of that. Together, nothing can stop us. We’re going into the season as Wildcats, we’re going to play every game with our whole hearts as a team, and most of all, we’re going to have fun. Let’s make those home runs!” She blinks innocently and then grins hugely as laughter bursts forth at the silly joke.
“Good one, Coach Allyson! You had us going for a second!” Johnathan says through laughter of his own. Cooper rolls his eyes but smiles too.
After everyone’s done with burgers, we get a bucket full of sticks and stab marshmallows on the ends as Brody stokes up the fire. The flames lick up, orange and yellow brightness against the darkening sky. Stars twinkle overhead and everyone is full and relaxed. Sticky, messy faces covered in melted chocolate and ooey-gooey marshmallow are smiling, and I even see a few yawns.
It’s perfect, everything a team campout should be. Not that I’ve ever been on one before, but I can’t imagine anything better.
Looking around the circle, my eyes land on Allyson and Cooper. I can’t help but imagine nights like this out here with them, just the three of us cozied up after a football game. Like a family.
Bobby was right. Allyson is offering everything I ever dreamed of in one insta-family moment, but it doesn’t scare me. Not in the least. In fact, I want it desperately. That woman, that boy, this land. I feel like someone hit pause on my life years ago and the play button has finally been pushed so I can get on with what I should’ve been doing all along.
I’ve seen the way she’s been looking at me all day, hungry but also thoughtful. The hamster in her head has been running himself ragged, even as she goofed off with the kids. Those blue eyes of hers haven’t missed a thing, not the joy of the kids and not the happiness in my heart. She sees it, she knows, and after what she said to Mama Louise, I know she feels it too.
It feels like possibility and hope. It feels like a future.
It’s one I want desperately and will fight tooth and nail to possess, just like Allyson. I will have her—her body, her heart, and her future. I won’t stop until she is so tangled up in me and I am so lost in her that there’s no way to have one without the other and we are simply one.