My gut drops at the confirmation that there is something to tell. I mean, I know that something’s wrong, but I guess on some level, I was hoping I might have misread everything. I’d rather that than what I think Allyson’s about to say.
That I’ve lost her, that even as she’s wrapped in my arms, she’s already decided that I’m not enough or maybe that I’m too much of a bad thing. Fuck, that hurts.
Michelle calls down the hall, and Cooper and Liam show up. Their lips are pulled down in matching frowns, and they both eye Allyson’s position in my lap.
I offer Liam a fist and he bumps it. Behind him, I meet Cooper’s eyes and hold my fist out for him. He didn’t hear my explanation at the field, and there’s a chance he’s terrified of me after seeing me go after Kyle like that. I speak slow and low, with intention I hope he can feel. “I’ve got our girl, Cooper.”
It sounds like the simplest truth in the world, but with Allyson, nothing is simple. Other than the fact that I’m not going any fucking where without her. She can fight me, she can refuse to let me in, but I’m tough enough to withstand it and rough enough to dance with her again if that’s where this is going. I got her back once, and I’ll get her back again.
Cooper bumps my fist with a nod like he understands the adult shit that’s going on. If he does, I wish he’d explain it to me.
Then they’re gone and I’m alone with my girl.
The words tumble out too fast, but I pray she can understand. “I am so sorry, baby. I know I shouldn’t have fought like that, especially not in front of the boys, but when he hit you, I . . .” My voice chokes in my throat, dying as I growl instead, “I need to see, please.”
She lets me lift her chin gently with one finger, and I peer into her eyes as much as check over her cheekbone. The blue depths are empty. Whatever she’s feeling is hidden behind walls again. So many walls, so many defenses.
“Michelle checked it, said there’s nothing broken, but it’ll bruise.” She says it easily, like she’s not talking about some asshole leaving fucking marks on her perfect skin.
“Goddamn it. I’m so sorry if all that scared you—if I scared you. I know I’m a monster who fights more than I should, but I couldn’t let him . . . he hit you, Allyson.” My voice is a dark rumble that promises retribution, the pain of that connection between her pretty face and Kyle’s ugly fist echoing in my head again. It’s a sound I won’t ever unhear.
I swallow thickly, holding her too tightly, but I can’t let go. I won’t let go. Not even as she wiggles against me, trying to put space between us that I don’t want.
“You’re not a monster. What are you talking about?”
Allyson’s confusion is bordering on alarm, and I need to settle down again. I don’t want her cowering in my arms.
“It’s okay, I know. I’m so sorry. I won’t fight anymore, ever again, if that’s what you need me to do. Anything for you, Al. Anything.” The begging plea to not leave me pierces the air.
“Bruce.” Allyson pushes against me, putting space between our upper bodies even as she stays in my lap. “I think you’re confused.”
“Hell yes, I am,” I huff miserably. “But I love you. That’s the one thing I’m not fucking confused about at all.” I pin her in place with my eyes and hold her hips, not letting her get away. Not that she’s trying to, but just in case.
She grips my cheeks this time, pulling my beard sharply to get my attention. “I don’t think you’re a monster.” Her brows knit together and she shakes her head. “I had a panic attack.”
I was all ready to argue my case, but that stops me in my tracks. “A panic attack?”
Her hands lower to her lap, clasping together as her head falls to look at them. “Yes, I used to have them . . . when I was married . . . and for a while after. But I haven’t had one in years until today.”
She sounds ashamed, which I don’t understand. It’s not like she chose to have a panic attack or something. Her body just overreacted? I think that’s what a panic attack is, anyway, but I’m no expert.
“What made it happen today, Al? Tell me so I can make sure I don’t do it again.”
She looks up, the tiniest light peeking through her walls. “Cocky much? It wasn’t because of you—well, not entirely because of you.” She tilts her head, angling it as her brows bounce up and then back down into a frown.