“The finger tapping patterns?” I hold my hand up, mimicking what I’ve seen her do, and she looks shocked.
“You noticed that?” Her eyes are wide with the slightest pink to her cheeks.
“I notice everything about you, Allyson,” I say honestly.
She doesn’t respond to that, which worries me, but rather continues with her awful tale. “The next day, after Jeremy went to work and I took Cooper to the babysitter’s, I went into my boss’s office. He was the first person I told what was happening to me, and he definitely wasn’t ready for that particular bout of verbal diarrhea at nine in the morning, but he had a lawyer friend at the office before lunch. That lawyer was an absolute shark, a beast in the mediation room. He inspired me to do mediations by helping me with my divorce.” She glances over to her work bag, hanging on a hook by the door. But I’m not sure she’s back in the present moment yet.
“I pressed charges, had to get pictures taken of the bruising and write out pages of history. But I got an emergency restraining order that day, and Jeremy couldn’t come home. He went to his parents’. There’s no telling what he told them because he was their golden child. I packed up what Cooper and I needed, and we were gone forty-eight hours later, first to a domestic violence placement facility where I got some help, then to my own apartment, and a few years ago, back to Great Falls. I came back because . . . I wanted a fresh restart, I guess. And Great Falls was the last place that was a hundred percent good.”
“That took so much courage, Al. More than I know.” I mean it. I can’t imagine making that decision after something awful happened. Truly, just changing your whole life on a dime takes big brass ones, and my girl’s got them, which makes me so fucking proud of her.
She smiles in thanks at the compliment. “Divorce was done by mail so I never had to sit in the room with him. But my lawyer got Jeremy to terminate his parental rights so he can never come after Cooper. In return, there’s no child support, but I don’t want his money and Cooper’s better off without him. He asked for the divorce to be sealed because it’d affect him at work, and I honestly didn’t care because I didn’t want people knowing either, but my lawyer used that to our advantage. It worked, I guess. I am strong again, Cooper is strong, and he has the life he deserves. I won’t do anything to mess that up.”
There’s a hint of something resembling an accusation in that last bit, whether she realizes it or not. “You think I’m like your ex?” She balks, but I rush to continue, not sure I want that answer. “Look, I’m an asshole, a possessive one at that, and rough around the edges for sure. I’ve been in more fights than I probably should’ve been, but I would never hit a woman or a man who didn’t deserve it. I was defending you today.”
She sags. “I know, but I freaked. I can’t handle that, obviously.”
“Look at me, Al.” She slowly lifts her eyes, meeting mine hesitantly. I can see that hamster running in her head, her eyes tormented with thoughts of kicking me out or letting me stay in her heart. Because I’m there. I know that because she’s already told me she loves me. But she’s scared. “Everything you want is on the other side of this fear. I’m here, waiting to give you everything, but you have to want it enough to go after it. You have to want me enough to risk it. If it helps, I swear to God, I’m a sure thing.”
She snorts a tiny laugh, and it feels like the scales are weighing in my favor so I keep going. “Jeremy wanted you small and scared.” Even his name on my tongue pisses me off and makes me want to rage, but I push that thought away like the mature motherfucker I am. “I never want you to be those things. I like you proud and sassy, leading me around by my dick and putting me in my place.”
Her smile is bigger now, little white teeth flashing between puffy lips I want to taste. “Your place? Where’s that?”
This minx is flirting with me. After all the shit she just poured out, she’s flirting. I guess she’s had a few years to process and make some semblance of peace with it, but it’s all painfully fresh to me. But if she’s flirting, I’m damn sure flirting back. “Well, in private . . . with my head between your thighs. But in public, right next to you and Cooper.”