“Oh, I just came to see how you were doing. You seemed a little upset earlier, and Ty and I were worried. That’s why we came back early.” I bit down on my cheek to hold my words at bay. The way she said Ty and I made it sound as though they were a couple. I almost deflated but kept myself from showing any signs of distress in front of her.
“I’m fine, as you can see, you can go now.” Instead, she walked farther into the room after closing the door. “I just wanted to say something to you before I go. I know that you and Ty are close, the way siblings should be I guess, that he’s been the only real friend you have here and since he and I are going to be spending a lot of time together in the future I didn’t want you to feel left out. I would’ve invited you tonight, but well, Tyler wanted the two of us to be alone on our first official date.”
I wanted to smack that smarmy smile off her face but didn’t move. I hope she can’t see the light leaving my eyes, or the way her words had just gutted me. “I’m not sure why you’re telling me this, but okay.” Good, my words came out steady and even with no hint of the hurt I felt.
“Oh, one more thing, when are you getting your license? Ty seems a bit bummed that he has to drive you around everywhere, I can always help you out there since your mom is so big with her pregnancy…” I folded my fists in the sheets and felt myself withdrawing into myself.
Had he told her that, that he was tired of driving me around? I felt the way I did when my dad left us for the first time; unwanted, unloved, insignificant. I just stared at her as she carried on telling me about the way things were going to be from now on.
“You understand, don’t you? I mean, if our parents want us to get married, we’re going to have to spend some time together, and it’s not going to be as much fun with a third wheel hanging around. Maybe you can make friends with some of the other girls in your class.”
She posed it as a question as if she was just trying to be helpful, but I just wanted her to leave so I could climb back into bed and pull the covers over my head to have my pity party alone. She kept on going with that same jolly lilt to her voice, each word like a stake to the heart until she’d said all she came to and left.
I was barely back under the covers when the door opened again, and I felt bile rise in my throat. I had to fight not to hurl hateful words at her, and then I felt someone sit on the bed behind me. I turned only to see Tyler sitting there, and the look of horror on his face and the way he reached out to wipe my cheeks was the first I realized that I was crying.
“What the hell happened? What’s going on?” I wanted to hurl insults at him, but all I could do was dry heave as it felt like someone had ripped out my insides. I wanted to scream at him to leave me alone and tell him that I knew about him and her but ended up in the middle of a full-blown panic attack instead.
“Shit! Breathe, Lora.” He pulled me to him and then laid down beside me, holding me close to his chest. It’s been a while since I’ve had one of these, and they’re never pretty. He’d seen maybe one or two since we moved in together, but always before mom had been the one to help me.
His hands felt so comforting through the fear that gripped me as it felt like my breath was going to stop, but I couldn’t get her words out of my head. “Lora, listen to me, you’re safe, everything is okay, nothing is going to hurt you, I won’t let it.” He ran his hands over my head, and back all the while reassuring me with words.
It was the beat of his heart beneath my ear and the warmth of his body pressed against mine that calmed me down little by little, but the strained breathing turned into hiccupping sobs as I clung to him like my life depended on it.
I felt out of control and irrational, but even though I knew it, I couldn’t seem to help myself. I hated and loved him at the same time; it was so unfair. I knew after that little chat with Sherry that it was hopeless. She’s everything I’m not. Tall, beautiful, and what’s more, she comes from the same social background as him.