I should walk away and not look behind me.
And I did.
But not for a few seconds. I had to learn that beautiful face one last time. I hoped the world would get to see her smile again. The one I had seen when she gazed through the window of the plane and in the picture of her in the coffee shop. The one that deserved to shine so fucking bright.
“Wait,” she whispered as I turned my back to her.
I knew her sounds and what they meant.
Without stopping, I moved to the back of the ballroom and through a hallway to the exit where Tony was parked by the door.
“Home?”
“Yes,” I replied once I was in my seat.
But my mind was on the building behind us and the girl I’d just left inside of it.
THIRTY
BILLIE
WHEN JARED HAD WALKED AWAY at the hospital, I hadn’t been in the right frame of mind to understand what was happening. But now, as I stared at the back of his tall, broad frame while he moved down the busy corridor, I knew what it meant.
And I hated the way it felt.
When I had been around him tonight, even though it was brief, I hadn’t felt the weight of the crash. His presence had given my pain a pause, but it’d made my chest tighten in a way that reminded me of before—back when I’d only thought of him as a handsome seatmate and not one of the people who had saved my life.
Now, he was gone, and I didn’t know if I would ever see him again.
One of the passengers I’d spoken to earlier mentioned he wanted to get everyone together on the one-year anniversary of the crash. I wondered if that would be the next time we ran into each other, and then I questioned if Jared would even attend. He obviously wasn’t one for group events. He’d skipped the pictures at the beginning, and he hadn’t come onstage during the ceremony when everyone on the flight was acknowledged.
Once he rounded the corner of the hallway, the top of his head vanishing, an emptiness returned to my chest. It was the same feeling that had been living there for the last month.
The one that felt nothing like me.
I wondered if that was a side effect of the situation. If it was because Jared had saved me or if it was due to something more.
Something heavier.
Like emotions.
Not having any idea, I sighed and headed back to the ballroom, my urge for air—the reason I’d come this way in the first place—gone.
I didn’t take more than a few steps when I heard my father say, “Are you all right, sweetheart?”
I glanced up from the floor, meeting his concerned face, which meant he’d come this way to check on me.
I wrapped my hands around his arm, joining his side. “I’m okay, Dad.”
My family had been hovering since the crash, and there was always someone checking on me. I appreciated their efforts, but they just didn’t understand, and I couldn’t explain it to them.
“I ran into Jared,” I said.
He smiled, and it was so warm that I wanted to wrap myself in it.
“Where is he? I would like to thank that man for everything he did for you.”
I shrugged. “He had to leave.”
Every time I told the story, I spoke about Jared. He was the biggest part of it, and I told everyone he was one of the main reasons I was alive. This wasn’t the first time my father had mentioned to me that he wanted to thank Jared. The idea of it was absolutely beautiful. But with the way Jared seemed to pop in and out, I just didn’t know if it would ever happen.
Dad’s hand went to my cheek, his thumb brushing by my nose. “If you want, we can all leave too. Everyone will understand. We only came here for you.”
I turned my face, nuzzling into his palm. It didn’t matter how old I got; I’d never stop doing that, and it would never stop feeling good. “No, Dad, let’s stay. It’s important.”
It was closure.
For all of us.
I had to look at it that way.
“You’re sure?”
I nodded and grabbed his fingers that were on my face, holding them before I lifted them away and walked with him to where my family was standing.
Appetizers were on their plates. Meatballs and lamb chops and ahi tuna crisps. And they were alternating between sips and bites. Now that Ally was eating for two, she was double-fisting plates.
Not a single thing they were putting in their mouths looked good to me.