His eyes widened at her statement and his hand fell from his groin to rest on the comforter next to him. Knowing that she couldn’t allow him the opportunity to talk or walk away, she moved quickly and talked faster. “Let’s talk about what’s freaking you out, McNeal.”
When he stayed silent, Vivi crawled onto the bed next to him, crossed her legs and placed her forearms on her knees. “My being here, Clem being here, is starting to feel less like playacting and more like real life, huh?”
His nonanswer was an answer in itself.
“Sometimes I feel like you want us to stay, other times I feel like you can’t wait for us to leave.”
Cam’s fingers tapped the cotton comforter. “I enjoy spending time with Clem.”
“But you’re not enjoying me?”
Cam lifted his eyes and she saw his confusion. She understood it. So much had happened in such a short time that it was hard for him to wrap his head around it. But they had to, because this wasn’t just about them. They had a daughter to consider. If Vivi was confused about what was happening between her and Cam, then Clem—bright as a button and an absolute barometer when it came to reading emotions—would start feeling confused, too.
“I love—” Cam hesitated and Vivi knew that he was picking his words carefully. He didn’t want to hurt her but knew that he would anyway. “—this. The sex, it’s awesome, Vivi.”
It was awesome. “But?”
“But I can’t be what you want, what you need.”
Oh, this was going to be interesting. “What do you think I need, Camden?”
“I think you need and deserve it all, Vivianne.” Cam lifted one big shoulder and let it drop. “I think you deserve the big house and the nifty car and not having to worry about cash ever again.”
Whoa, hold on a second...
Before Vivi could tell him what he could do with his house and car, Cam spoke again. “You deserve a partner, Viv, someone who will be with you to celebrate the big and the small, to hold you when you are sad and pick you up when you are down. You deserve someone who will stand beside you, someone who thinks that your happiness is more important than anything else.” Cam hauled in a deep breath. “I’m not that person, Viv.”
She wasn’t so sure. “What makes you say that?”
Cam shot to his feet and jammed his hands into the pockets of his casual pants. By the way the fabric bunched, she could see that his hands were clenched into tight fists.
“I’m a selfish bastard, Vivi. I was raised to be like that. My father and grandfather were the same. My entire life has been a fight for survival, to get ahead. I don’t think about other people. It’s all about me.”
What rubbish. A selfish person didn’t offer his money to help her rescue a failing restaurant, didn’t run to the bedside of a stranger when he found out he was an emergency contact, didn’t lavish time and attention on the daughter he’d just discovered was his own. No, how Cam saw himself wasn’t who he was.
“I see I’ve shocked you. Well, while I’m at it, let me get this done.” Cam’s voice was pitched low but Vivi saw his distress in his rigid neck, his thin lips, his taut shoulder blades. “I was a childhood thief, Viv. I could lift anything, anywhere, anytime. I could steal your watch or your purse and you wouldn’t even know it. My father and grandfather were equally proficient in the art of pickpocketing, grifting, conning. Crime, you see, was so much easier than a day’s work.”
Now was not the time to speak, so Vivi just looked at him, refusing to show any of the shock she felt. If she did, she’d lose him.
“I grew bored with petty crime—Oh, that’s the other thing. I get bored really, really easily.”
There was a subtext there and she was bright enough to decode his sentence. I’ll get bored of you. I always do. She could challenge that statement, but it wasn’t time yet. Frustration passed over Cam’s face, probably because she wasn’t throwing up her hands and squealing like an offended teenager. She was stronger, smarter, than that.
Instead, Vivi just lifted her eyebrows in a silent “Is that all you’ve got?”