Waiting to see if he would play it was killing her.
If he came, it wouldn’t be easy. They weren’t easy people. He’d try to boss her about, and she’d rebel. They’d fight but if they acknowledged that their pasts had left scars and recognized when they were acting from fear, they’d be okay. They just needed to love and laugh and negotiate their way through the hard times. She’d have to keep reminding herself that a partnership did mean relinquishing some control, and he had to believe that she wouldn’t bail on him.
They could be amazing—if Cam decided that a family was what he wanted.
Vivi heard her phone beep and walked into her bedroom. She saw his name on her screen and wondered if her heart would ever stop lurching every time she saw his name. Probably not. Cam was her strong drink, her poison, her kryptonite. God, she wished she didn’t love him so much.
She opened his message and read the words he’d typed seconds before.
Hey. I wanted to check on how Clem was. I haven’t called her because I didn’t know if it would upset her or not.
Vivi typed her reply.
She misses you like crazy. I miss you like crazy. She cried for half an hour and screamed for another fifteen minutes. How the hell do you think she is, we are?
She couldn’t send that. If she did, he would rush over here, jumping on the excuse that she needed him, if only to help with Clem. No, that wasn’t how she wanted him back. She erased that message, typed in a new response and hit Send.
She’s good. We’re good.
I’m not.
Vivi stared at his reply, confused. How was she supposed to answer him? Should she tell him he knew what to do? That all he had to do was to love them?
She was desperate to send some reply, anxious to end this stalemate between them. But in the end, even though her heart was breaking, even though it felt like her soul was weeping, she didn’t reply.
Because nothing had changed. She wanted it all. She couldn’t settle for anything else.
All three of them deserved more.
* * *
Sitting in the informal sitting room in his home, Cam stared at his phone, wishing that Vivi would respond, tell him what to do. Oh, he knew what she wanted—a family, him, her and Clem as a unit—but he still couldn’t wrap his head around the concept. Neither could he stomach the thought of being away from her and his baby for much longer. God, why was this decision so hard to make? Why was he finding it so hard to act? He’d never been so indecisive.
Cam dropped his head against the back of his couch and idly rubbed the area of his heart. He missed them, more than he’d ever believed he would. His house, never the warmest place in the world, was now silent and cold, and his life was empty. Viv and Clem brought meaning and light and laughter and warmth into his world, yet he was sitting here, allowing his life to be dictated by the past.
Maybe he’d punished himself enough for being born a McNeal. Maybe it was time to let all that crap go and trust Vivi’s version, instead of believing his version of his past—the one his father had taught him and Emma had reinforced. Maybe he should—
The insistent peal of the doorbell filled the house and Cam frowned. He sat up and looked at his watch. It was past ten, late for a social call. He rocketed to his feet and hurried to the front door, thinking that maybe, just maybe, Vivi was outside, that she’d come home to insist that they be together. He’d say yes, of course. Being with her and Clem was all he’d ever need.
But that wasn’t possible. He knew that Vivi was her home in Briarhills. She shouldn’t be. She should be here, with him.
There’s only one person standing in the way of that happening and that’s you, dumb ass.
Maybe it was time to stop being a dumb ass.
He made his way down the hall as his visitor leaned on the doorbell. Again he wondered who it was and how soon he could get rid of them.
Cam jerked the door open and frowned at Ryder, who had his finger raised to push the bell again. “Do it and die,” Cam warned him.
“Still in a good mood, I see,” Ryder said, pushing his way past Cam to enter his house.
“Not a good time, Ryder,” Cam told him. He wanted to go to Vivi, to see if he could straighten out this mess.