“Maybe you’re right,” he said. “Maybe she is hoping our relationship doesn’t last. But it will last. It will last forever.” He watched me, his eyes focused intensely on mine. “You and I…we belong together. The two of us are the most natural thing in the world. I know you think we’re completely different people, that we have nothing in common, but that doesn’t matter. What we feel between us…that’s what matters.”
I inhaled deeply, feeling those words all the way down to my soul. We expressed our feelings differently, but those emotions were exactly the same. I talked about marriage because I wanted forever, but he didn’t recognize traditional bonds that way, especially not after being in a bad marriage. But he wanted exactly what I wanted, wanted it now, wanted it forever. “You’re right.”
We had the meetings over lunch, and I did most of the talking and Deacon just sat there. Sometimes he would say a few things, but for the most part, he was observant. Though that situation really made it clear who to hire.
Because Patricia knew exactly how to handle Deacon, how to talk to him, how to deal with someone who was ice-cold. She was in her early forties, her own children at an age when they didn’t need her anymore, and her husband was home full time so he was able to watch the kids if they were home.
She was a perfect fit.
After work, we sat together at the dining table, Deacon on his laptop while I had my things spread out around me. When my alarm went off on my phone, I quickly silenced it and unzipped my small makeup bag. “So, how do you feel about Patricia?”
He didn’t look away from his computer. “She’s fine.”
“She seemed to be the most qualified and least surprised by your demeanor.”
“Yeah.” For someone so involved in his son’s life, he didn’t really seem to care about the woman taking care of Derek. Maybe he just felt so shitty about hiring a nanny at all that he was unable to force himself to participate. It only made his guilt increase.
“Alright. I’ll hire her tomorrow. I’ll be present when she’s around Derek just to make sure it’s a good fit.” I combed through my bag until I found the small packet. It was the start of the month, so I pushed the dark pill through the plastic and let it fall to the table. I grabbed my wineglass to wash it down.
But then I stilled, staring at the pill, knowing a week of placebos had passed…with no blood.
Seconds passed, and I didn’t move.
Deacon must have noticed my seriousness, because he asked, “Everything alright?”
I returned the packet to my makeup bag and dropped the pill inside too before I zipped it up. “Yeah. Just realized I left my desk unlocked.”
“I’m sure it’s fine.” He continued to scroll through his computer.
“Yeah…probably.”
Nine
Deacon
It was the first day Patricia was picking up Derek from school.
I was a mess.
Some woman was picking up my kid from school…instead of me.
I fucking hated myself.
I grabbed my phone off the desk and texted Cleo. Is Derek home?
Minutes passed, and she didn’t text back.
Then an entire hour passed, and there was still no answer.
That was unlike her…really unlike her.
I called Patricia directly since Cleo was unavailable.
“Hello, Mr. Hamilton. How are you?” She had a perky voice that was still professional, but she had a warmth that reminded me of Cleo.
“Is Derek home?”
“Yes. He’s working on his homework at the table. I made him sliced apples with peanut butter. Would you like to talk to him?”
“Uh, sure.”
She put him on.
“Hey, Dad.” Derek was cheerful like usual, like Patricia wasn’t off-putting. “When are you going to be home?”
“At dinnertime. How was school?”
“Good. We painted today. I painted the cabin with the trees covered in snow.”
“That sounds really nice. I’d like to see it when I get home.”
“Can we stay at the cabin for Christmas?” he asked hopefully.
I noticed he never asked about his mother. It was like he already knew. “What about Uncle Tucker and Grandma?”
“They can come.”
I chuckled. “What about all the nice decorations Cleo put up?”
“We can’t bring them with us?”
She could do anything…but not that. “No. But maybe we can go to the cabin during your Christmas break.”
“Yes!”
“Keep working on your homework. I’ll see you soon.”
“Bye, Dad.”
“Bye, little man.” I hung up then immediately looked at my phone, hoping for a response from Cleo. Now, I wasn’t worried about Derek, just her. I called her…and it went to voice mail.
I hung up and stared across my office, feeling worried. She was capable of taking care of herself and she was probably just busy with a client, but she usually sent some kind of response like I’ll call you back or I’m in a meeting. The fact that she said nothing…troubled me.