Tempt the Hookup (Tempt 3)

“Were you going for au naturel?” She fake smiles at me, and I think I will die. Okay, granted I haven’t waxed in a while, but it is well groomed down there, or is it not?

“What about a landing strip? Would you like that?” I just nod, not thinking. “Would you like it to go all the way up?” She motions with her finger.

“All the way up where?” All I want is a bikini wax.

“To the anus part?” she says, still smiling, and I don’t even know if it’s peer pressure or not, but I just say yes, which should have been the first clue shit is about to go down.

She comes over with the cart of wax and white strips. She grabs the baby powder and puts it on both sides, rubbing it in. She then turns to stir the wax, taking a bit out on her wooden stick and smooths it at the bikini area, the heat of the wax stinging a bit.

“Ouch,” I say to her, and she just picks up a white strip, puts it down on the wax, and with her hand, she presses down on it a couple of times before ripping it off. “Holy mother of fuck,” I hiss out. And she places her hand on top of it to somehow stop the pain from radiating through me.

“Yes, I can tell it’s been a while,” she says, going back to the wax and stirring it again with a new stick. Then she comes back to do another little strip. “One, two.” And I wait for three, but the bitch pulls it on two.

“Three,” I hiss out on a whisper. “After two is three and then pull.” Are those stars I’m seeing?

She repeats it on the other side, and even though I hold my breath, it doesn’t get any better. It just gets worse and worse. I literally think my vagina is pouring blood by the time she is done. “Roll to the side and hold your butt cheek open,” she says, and I just shake my head.

“I think I’m good,” I tell her, and she just shrugs.

“Next time, I suggest you don’t wait so long, and it will hurt less.” I just nod while she walks out of the room; it looks like butchered meat, and it feels like it’s on fucking fire. It’s also red, a beet, beet red. I roll off the table and walk to the door. Opening it, I find her standing there smiling. “I hope that you had a wonderful day.” I almost tell her to fuck herself, but I walk hunched over to the room. Troy is waiting for me in the common area.

“Are you okay?” he asks with a worried look.

“I’ll be fine,” I tell him, walking to the changing room. “I’ll meet you out in thirty.” I go straight to the shower, grabbing the little samples of shampoo and conditioner on the way. The oil from the massage washes off my body, and I don’t know if I’m expecting the water to soothe my vagina, but it doesn’t. Looking down, I see little red dots where my hair used to be, and my little landing strip is the size of my pinky.

After I shower and dress, we make our way over to a nearby bar, and Todd meets us there. I order a pitcher of margarita, and in the blink of an eye, it’s finished, and we order another one. I think I’m on my seventh

margarita when I share my story.

“I looked down, and there was no fucking hair left,” I tell them. “She took it all away.” Todd sits there with his hand on his mouth while Troy slaps the table. “At one point, I thought I was going kick her in the face. And what the fuck is a Bermuda triangle bikini line? Can someone tell me?”

“I have no idea. I just thought it was bare or strip,” Todd says. “I mean, I was with one girl my whole life, and it was right before bare was in.”

“It felt like she took a mallet and slammed my vagina with it,” I whisper or at least I think I’m whispering, but as I’m drunk, there is no whispering. We decide to take the party back to their house, and after thirty minutes, they just invite me to sleep over. When I take off my pants, I scream. My vagina is not just red, but it is turning purple.

“She bruised my vagina,” I say, walking out into the hallway while Troy and Todd laugh at me. “Todd, you’re a doctor, so you have to look. Should I go to the ER?” I pull my panties a bit to the side.

“It looks like a hickey,” Troy says, coming close to inspect.

“Capillaries just beneath the surface ruptured, letting blood seep out into the surrounding tissue,” Todd says, and all I can do is look down while Troy goes to the freezer and gets me a bag of frozen peas.