The Man Who Has No Love (Soulless 3)

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to have your babies. I want…everything with you.” I laid everything on the table since I had already made such a fool of myself. Now, I had nothing to lose, nothing to hide. And it was such a relief to look in his eyes and just be honest, to wear my heart on my sleeve, give him every single piece of me.

With emotion in his eyes, he stared at me, quiet and still, like he needed time to process this monumental moment, to compartmentalize everything I’d just thrown at him. As I continued to cry in front of him, he watched me, his hands still in his pockets. Then he stepped closer to me, moving his hands to my cheeks, his thumbs wiping away my tears. “I want all those things too, baby.”

My hands gripped his wrists. “You do?”

“Not right now. But someday.”

I closed my eyes, making more tears fall.

He pulled me close and kissed the fallen tears, his lips soft and gentle. “You want kids? I’ll give you kids. You want forever in my condo or at the cabin on the lake, I’ll do too. I just want to be with you.”

“Deacon…” More tears came.

He wiped them away, ignoring the room we stood in, the people who lingered behind. “I just don’t understand why you felt that way with her. She’s my colleague, someone I respect and admire. How could you think I was making a move on her? Let alone, right in front of you.”

“That’s not what I thought.”

“Then explain it to me. Because I’m still pretty ticked that you don’t trust me.”

“It’s not that I don’t trust you…”

He dropped his hands and stepped back. “Then what, Cleo?”

“It’s just… It’s obvious she’s interested in you.”

“I don’t think she is, but what does that matter?” he snapped. “You dated my brother, and I’m not jealous.”

“Because she’s gorgeous—”

“Nothing.” His eyes narrowed. “She’s nothing compared to you.”

I dropped my gaze, feeling so stupid with my red cheeks and puffy eyes.

“I don’t see her that way. Yes, she’s attractive, but I don’t think about fucking her in the ass like I do with you.”

“It’s not that she’s pretty—”

“Then what, Cleo?” he asked. “What?”

“It’s because she can talk to you in a way I can’t.”

Now, he looked confused.

“It’s because she’s a physician, a researcher, she’s brilliant… She’s like you. I’m just an assistant.”

He stared at me, his eyes widening with surprise.

“She can talk to you about stuff I can’t even begin to comprehend. She’s passionate about what you’re passionate about. I guess I just felt…really insecure. And to top it off, she’s got insane tits and an ass—”

“Cleo.” He kept his voice even, steadying me with his calmness.

I stopped talking.

“I’m in my thirties. I’ve been married. And you’re the only woman I’ve ever loved. Why is that?”

All I could do was breathe.

“It’s not because of what you do. It’s because of who you are.” He moved his hand to my chest, placing it over my heart as he looked me in the eye. “And I really believe there’s no one else on this planet I ever could have loved. You’re it, Cleo. Just you.” He lowered his hand. “Why would I want someone just like me? I want someone who makes me better—someone who makes me a better person, a better father, a better friend. I want someone who makes me think about work less, who shows me how to live life to the fullest…and be happy.”

It was such a beautiful thing to say.

“I don’t throw that word around lightly. The only other person I love is my son, and that is the most powerful emotion I’ve ever felt in my life. I love you…as I love him. So, I never want you to ever doubt me again. I never want you to question my integrity, my fidelity, my loyalty…because nothing could ever break it. And don’t expect me to dismiss Kathleen, because I’m not going to terminate her position given that her only crime is her attractiveness. That’s an insult to her brilliance and her contribution to the world and our research, and it’s also completely sexist.”

“I would never—”

“Even if she did make a pass at me, that’s not a fireable offense. So, you either trust me or you don’t. That simple.”

“Of course, I trust you.” I wiped away my tears, looking him in the eye even though I was still an emotional mess. “I just…I guess I was just intimidated by her.”

“You have no reason to be.”

“But when she thought I was your assistant, she—”

“That’s your fault. Not hers. You could have told people we were together, but you chose not to. You know I’ve never wanted that. Frankly, I’m fucking tired of pretending to be something I’m not. I’ve stayed patient because I know how important your job is to you, but honestly, I fucking hate it. It’s the first time in my life that I’m in love with a woman…and it has to be some dirty secret.”