The Man Who Has No Love (Soulless 3)

Silence.

“So…thank you.”

His hands stayed on his hips, keeping ten feet between us like he didn’t want me any closer. “I would have done something sooner, but I didn’t know until yesterday.”

That explained his distance. I’d thought he didn’t care, but now I knew he just didn’t know. That made me feel better, but his cold body language made me feel like shit again. “I…really appreciate it.” I was about to be on the street if it weren’t for him.

He gave a slight nod.

I continued to stare at him, hoping he would say something more, that this would go somewhere. “I really miss you…” It was hard to try not to cry as I looked at him. I missed him every single day, but I hadn’t missed him as much as I did now…when he was ten feet away.

He held my gaze but said nothing.

Now I realized nothing had changed. He still didn’t want me. He just didn’t want me to lose my job.

He crossed his arms over his chest.

It was devastating all over again. Now I wasn’t sure if I even wanted the job anymore. I’d have to go to work every day and seem him from time to time, maybe with a woman on his arm, maybe holding Derek’s hand as he walked him to the car outside. I’d have to watch him move on from me…little glimpses at a time.

Unless he still intended to move.

I felt sick all over again.

Had he already been with someone else? Had he already moved on? Had he told Dr. Hawthorne he was single, and she tried again? “Deacon, I’m really sorry about everything that happened. I know I messed up. I know I hurt you. But…I can be as patient as you need me to be. I can take this slow, let you learn to trust me again. I’m willing to do this however you want to do this, because I’m just as in love with you as I was a month ago. I haven’t seen anyone. I don’t want to see anyone. I want you…and no one else.”

He turned his chin slightly and dropped his gaze.

I waited for him to say something.

But he never did.

The tears started in the backs of my eyes, growing slowly, two drops turning into puddles. But I hid them from view as long as I could. “I really needed my job back, so thank you. But I’ve still lost everything…because I lost you.”

Seventeen

Deacon

“Dad?” Derek pushed his food around with his fork, trying to get the carrots to one side of the plate so they wouldn’t touch the rest of his food.

“Yeah?”

“I really miss Cleo…”

I kept my eyes on my plate, ignoring what he said.

Derek turned to me, watching me.

I ignored him.

“What happened to her?”

“You’ll see her around, Derek. She’s usually downstairs in the lobby.”

“But why don’t I see her with you?” he whispered, sensing my mood.

I knew Derek wouldn’t let this go. He asked about her a lot, and every time I made an excuse, it only prolonged the inevitable. This conversation had to happen. “She and I…aren’t seeing each other anymore.”

“But why?”

“It’s complicated, Derek.”

“But you’re sad.”

Of course, I was sad. I was fucking devastated.

“And she makes you happy, so stop being sad…and be happy.”

Hearing my son describe it that way almost brought tears to my eyes. “It’s not that simple…”

“You’re smart, Dad. You have a solution to everything. Find the solution to this.”

I sighed painfully. “She hurt me…”

“She did?” he whispered.

I nodded.

“How?”

“She…lied to me.”

“Well, I’m sure Cleo didn’t mean to hurt you, Dad.”

I sighed again, feeling the tears become more difficult to fight. It’d been a long time since we’d been together, but the breakup was still raw…like it had just happened. I missed her. I missed the way she was with my son. I hated seeing the way he missed her, the way he wouldn’t forget about her. “I know she didn’t.”

“Then work it out with her. You love her, right?”

I thought her betrayal would change that fact, but it didn’t. I nodded.

“Does she still love you?”

I nodded again.

“And I love her, so…”

I dragged my hand down my face, taking a second to swallow the emotion so the tears wouldn’t come out. “I know you do.”

“And she makes you so happy. I miss seeing you happy.”

“Derek, let’s talk about something else.”

“Why?” he whispered. “You’re different…and I don’t like it.”

I filled the tubes and put them in the distiller before I shut the fume hood. It would take forty-five minutes for the process to complete, so I ripped off my gloves, washed my hands, and then removed my mask. I pulled up the stool to the table and looked at my paperwork, the timer set on my phone.

The door opened, and Dr. Hawthorne walked inside. “How much time do you have left?”

“I just started it.”

She sat on the stool beside mine and set down her paperwork. Then she discussed her data and asked for my input. It led to a twenty-minute conversation, going over the spreadsheets.