The Man Who Has No Love (Soulless 3)

“She told me she wouldn’t…”

“Because she was waiting for you. But that was a month ago. You haven’t spoken to her or given her any indication there’s even a slim chance of getting you back. She can’t read your mind, Deacon.”

“She knows I love her.”

“So?” he demanded.

“That means I’ll always love her.”

His eyes softened. “Then sit down and talk to her. Tell her this. It’ll come off a lot better coming from you than me.”

“But—”

“I’m not bluffing, Deacon. Talk to her—or I will.”

Eighteen

Cleo

I’d just walked into my apartment when my phone rang.

It was Deacon

I carried a bag of groceries in my arms, and the second I saw his name on my phone, I dropped the bag straight onto the floor. The milk carton burst and spilled, and a couple oranges rolled out. I didn’t care at all.

I took the call, so excited, so hopeful. “Hey.” Even though he never texted me or gave me any indication he would change his mind, I continued to hope, continued to dream. And maybe it was finally happening.

“Cleo?” Derek’s high-pitched voice came over the line.

It wasn’t what I’d wanted, but I missed him so much that I was thrilled to hear his voice. “Derek? Oh my god… How are you, little man?”

“Good. Dad is in the shower right now, so I took his phone.”

So, he didn’t know about this conversation. That hurt all over again.

“I miss you.”

It was the sweetest thing I’d heard in so long. “I miss you too. How’s school been?”

“I get along with everyone in class. And we’re doing really cool projects. Right now, we’re doing this sustainability thing, where we farm in the school garden.”

I moved to the couch and forgot about the groceries, hanging on every word like a parent. “Wow, that’s cool. Any field trips?”

“We’re going to a Native American reservation next week!”

“That will be so interesting.”

“Yeah. And then my teacher said…”

I pulled the blanket over my lap and felt my eyes glisten with tears, so touched by his sweet voice. I missed him every day, missed our adventures to the cabin, missed the special relationship we had. I loved him like a son, like family. And losing him had been as painful as losing his father.

Derek talked my ear off for a while, but then he turned away from the phone for a second. “The water just turned off… I should go.”

I didn’t want to say goodbye. Ever. “Alright. Thanks for calling me, Derek. It means a lot.”

“I know you and my dad aren’t together anymore, but I know he misses you. I know he loves you. I told him to get you back, but he doesn’t really say anything…”

I started to cry, but I stopped my tears from becoming audible. “I love him too…so much.”

“Don’t give up on my dad, okay?” he whispered.

I could wait a long time, but if the ship never came into port…I’d have to move on. But my heart would never stop beating for him. “Never.”

“Okay,” he whispered. “I really gotta go. Love you.”

This kid was killing me. “Love you too.”

Click.

I lay on the couch and cried, the spilled milk spreading everywhere.

There wasn’t a specific moment that made me fall in love with Deacon. It just sort of happened. I saw a different side to him, and the rest was history. But with his son, I fell in love instantly. I’d picked him up from his mother, colored on the plane…and I was lost.

Losing the son was as hard as losing the father.

Two months had come and gone since he’d told me he needed space.

And it’d been a dreary two months.

I was glad to be back at my job because I needed it, but it wasn’t the same. Matt and Anna were good to me, and the clients were thrilled to have me back…but it wasn’t the same. I wasn’t happy anymore—and people noticed.

I hated my apartment in Brooklyn. I tried to be positive about it, but that was hard.

I really missed my old place, which had been snatched up by someone else the second I told my landlord I was leaving.

And without Deacon, it was all just pointless.

I didn’t date because I was miserable, not because I believed we still had a chance. I just couldn’t find the motivation to even try when I was still so hung up on him. Any guy I met would suck compared to Deacon. And falling in love? Never gonna happen again. Deacon was my own great love…and I lost him.

I never found out who ratted me out, but I assumed it was Valerie. She’d always hated me, and it was her perfect chance to get rid of me once and for all. It might have been Jake, but that would have been really pathetic if it was.

But it didn’t matter anymore.

I was thinking of moving to Washington anyway, because I couldn’t stay here.