The Boy Who Has No Faith (Soulless 5)

Even though I wouldn’t be returning, I still utilized my time to tidy up the place, to finish whatever I could so it wouldn’t be as obvious that the project was only half completed. Then I sat on the couch and edited the pages he’d written last night, impressed by his work because he was such a good writer.

It was such a waste.

Brilliant. Handsome. Eloquent. But he was a fucking jackass.

At the end of the day, Derek stepped inside the office and removed his clear safety glasses. He noticed the changes to the office and scanned everything, eyeing the rug, the new couches, and the table that held his coffee stand with the new coffeemaker.

I rose from the couch and started to put my things away so we could leave, my gaze down. When I noticed Derek didn’t move, I lifted my chin and looked at him, even though it was hard to do because I was so furious…and upset.

His hands were on his hips, his fingers touching the material of his jeans that were low on his hips. His t-shirt barely covered the waistband. His head was tilted to the floor, and he lifted it to look me in the eye.

Was he going to fire me? Because I already quit.

“Look…” He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed, like this was difficult for him to say. “I’m sorry about the way I acted before. I was being a total dick, and there’s no excuse for it.”

My eyes widened in shock, because I thought he was going to validate his actions instead of owning up to his mistake. My arms crossed over my chest, and I couldn’t hide my disbelief. “Did Cleo call you?” Did she make him say this?

“What?” he asked, looking genuinely bewildered. “My phone is in my bag. Why?”

I glanced at his bag on the desk even though I couldn’t see the phone. But he wouldn’t lie, so I believed him. This was all him. He somehow found the time to think about his actions while he was busy being a super brain. I never answered his question.

He waited a few seconds, but when he didn’t get an answer, he let it go. “Anyway, I feel really badly for the way I treated you. You don’t deserve that, not when you’ve always been so patient with me.”

I inhaled a deep breath, and just like that, all my anger toward him was gone. “Derek, if this is going to work, things need to be different.”

“I promise, it won’t happen again—”

“I mean you shutting me out. Last night, I really enjoyed talking to you. I have such an intimate job for you, and it’s impossible for me not to get attached, to want friendship from you rather than just a boss-employee kind of relationship. You’re a dick one second and then kind the next…it gives me whiplash.”

He stared at me blankly, like he didn’t know what to say.

“I’m just tired of the back-and-forth. I’m your friend—treat me like your friend.”

“I…I’m not very good at that.” It was the first time he lost his confidence.

“You’re better than you think you are, Derek. Whenever you write, you show a side to yourself that I really enjoy. I want to see him more.”

“Well, I don’t write that much.”

“Then read on the commute, think about your story, et cetera. Because that really humanizes you.”

He still looked uneasy, like I’d just asked him for too much. “I can’t blend those two versions of me. Because when I get to work, I need to be absolutely focused on what I’m doing because, like I’ve said, errors cost lives.”

“Alright. Then just try to be better. Let me in.”

His eyes darted away.

“I’ve proven to you I’m not threat to you, Derek.”

He closed his eyes and sighed. “Look, it’s nothing personal. I said I would try, and that’s a lot more than I’ve ever offered anyone before. Because I know you’re a good person who means well, and you don’t deserve to be barked at like that. You’ve put up with me this long, and I should make more of an effort.”

I felt like I was talking to a child who was learning self-awareness, but I tried to remember that his brain functioned differently from everyone else’s. His brilliance was a gift, but also a curse. “Okay.” That was the best I would get from him.

He slid his hands into his pockets and stood there, like he didn’t know what to do now. The conversation clearly made him uncomfortable.

I walked to the desk and grabbed the paper sitting on top. I folded it into a square then balled it up into my hand.

“What’s that?” He turned his head to watch me.

I crumpled it up and threw it in the wastebasket. “Nothing.”

At the end of the day, Ronnie pulled up to the building.