* * *
Colette: No. I can’t, and I won’t. And don’t you dare say anything to him, either. I mean it!
* * *
Theodora: Jeez, okay, I won’t, but I don’t understand why you’re so anti-communication all of a sudden. Zack is the easiest person to talk to in the world.
* * *
Colette: He’s also insanely talented. I’ve only heard a few bars of the songs he’s working on up here, but they’re magical, Theo. He has something so special, a gift he has to share with the world. I would never want to take that away from him. Or everyone else.
* * *
Theodora: So you… You think…
If you tell him how you feel and what you want, you’re afraid he might give it to you? Is that what I’m hearing?
* * *
Colette: Maybe. If there’s even a chance, I can’t risk it. He was put on earth to write soulful music and travel the world, making people think and feel in a way they never have before. And I was put here to make a lovely nest for as many desperately loved kids as the universe will entrust into my care. Both are important and beautiful things to do. But they don’t fit together very well, and trying to force them to fit would only make both of us miserable in the end.
* * *
Theodora: I hear you. And I get it, I do. But it still makes me sad. *crying face emoji* I want love to win. Love should always win.
* * *
Colette: Love will win. It’s just…a different kind of love.
* * *
Theodora: Loving yourself enough to honor what you need to be happy.
* * *
Colette: Yes. And hopefully… if all goes well…loving a little one.
* * *
Theodora: My fingers and toes are crossed, too, but… Even if you guys don’t get pregnant right now, you can still have a baby, Colette. I’ll help any way I can. I can even be your surrogate if you have to go ahead with the hysterectomy this fall and can’t carry the baby yourself.
* * *
Colette: Oh my God, Theo, no! I would never ask you to do that.
* * *
Theodora: I know you wouldn’t ask. That’s why I’m offering. I already talked it over with Cutter, and he’s on board.
* * *
Colette: But you don’t want to have a baby!
* * *
Theodora: I don’t want to have a baby of my own right now, no. I don’t have space in my life to raise an infant. But I do have space to carry a child and can take the time off afterward to recover from childbirth.
Believe me, I know it’s still a huge fucking deal. I’m not making this offer lightly. I’ve been thinking about it for a long time, and if you need me, I’m ready to move forward whenever you are.
* * *
Colette: I’m crying. Sobbing, actually. What did I do to deserve a friend like you?
* * *
Theodora: Um, be an amazing friend to me? Always? No matter what? And I would do the same for Bridget, so don’t feel too special.
* * *
Colette: Now I’m laughing. And crying. I love you so much. I’m so grateful to have you in my life.
* * *
Theodora: Same and same. So keep that in the back of your mind, okay? There are always options if baby-making with Zack doesn’t work out. Or if it does and… You know.
* * *
Colette: I know. I’ve been thinking about that, too. But my doctor said it was still safe to try as long as I let her know the moment I’m pregnant so they can monitor my progress and make sure the tumors don’t put too much stress on the baby later in the pregnancy.
* * *
Theodora: Good. Because I’d like to keep you around for as long as possible, too, you know? So promise me you’ll have the surgery when you need it, okay? Don’t put it off too long.
* * *
Colette: I won’t. If I’m not pregnant by this Christmas, then I’ll schedule the procedure. I promise.
* * *
Theodora: I’ll hold you to it. So…just asking, no pressure, but would you like me to drive up there and pick you up in a day or two? We could make a girls’ weekend out of it. Go do some wine tasting in Upstate New York before we head back.
* * *
Colette: Thank you, but no. I’ll stay the full two weeks. I’m enjoying spending time with Zack.
* * *
Theodora: Really? Even though you know it’s not going to end well? Aren’t you afraid of getting more attached?
* * *
Colette: Of course I am. But I’m afraid of things all the time. I don’t let that stop me from enjoying the moments when life is beautiful. You can’t have the highs without the lows. Feelings don’t work that way. You have to be open to all of it to truly experience any of it.