“Did he abuse me?” he questions, and I nod. “No. Never. He was . . . oblivious to me until I turned eighteen and had to meet my future bride.” Logan pins me with a stare. It was the day he saw me for the first time.
“Something must have happened after you walked out that day at my birthday party,” I voice my theory, and he nods. I’m right. “He did something, said something to you.” My chest tightens when Logan sighs and pushes away from me. He stalks toward the window, leaving me shivering from the cold he’s left behind.
He keeps his back to me as he stares out at the now-fading light. The large frame of him blocks out most of the view, but I don’t go to him. I realize he needs to come to terms with whatever he’s going to tell me.
“We went home. He didn’t speak to me at all. The moment I stepped foot inside the house, he left me to head to his office. He ignored me for the rest of the day until I finally built up the courage to go to him. It was only when I got to his library, which I was never allowed to enter, that I heard him speaking.”
He’s quiet for a long while, so I ask, “What did he say?”
“I don’t know who he was talking to, but I know it was a woman. I heard her voice. She was the one who told him I’m broken. I’d never heard her voice before, she was a stranger to me, yet she knew me inside out. As if she’d shoved her hand into my gut and touched my soul.”
“I don’t understand.” I fold my arms across my chest as the chill seeps through my clothes, taking root in the marrow of my bones.
“It all sounds so far-fetched,” Logan says as he chuckles. “But she said I would always crave darkness. That I was born with it, but only when I turned eighteen would I truly know what it means. My birthday was the day before; she didn’t realize she was warning him a day late.”
16
Logan
I recall every moment of that night. The woman who sounded like a witch sending out a curse into the world for me chilled me to the bone. She was there for a reason, and I never learned who she was. My father never told me about it, and I never asked. I wanted to, but I knew he wouldn’t offer me the truth.
“What do you mean?” Dad’s voice is cold, filled with ice, and drenched in poison. I’ve heard him angry before, but this is something else. I can’t see his face, but I can certainly picture how it’s screwed up with anger.
“He is going to find the darkness that resides inside him,” she speaks again. My body is rigid with fear, with a violent cold that’s threaded through my veins. “And when he does, he’ll never find true happiness.”
“He walked away from her. I couldn’t stop him.” My father’s voice is urgent as if he’s trying to convince himself and her of what I did today.
Silence greets me, and I’m tempted to push the door open, but I can’t. If I do, he’ll hear me, see me, and then I’ll be in worse trouble than I am right now. I know I should’ve stayed and spoken to the girl. But how can my father expect me to want her?
“Don’t put this on him,” my father pleads. “If anything, let him go from this stupidity.”
“This is on you,” the woman says. “He will spend his life alone. Broken. His soul, which was once light and carefree, will be tainted with the darkness that you hold in your bloodline.”
“No!” The roar of the word rumbles through the walls, and it doesn’t take long for it to hit me right in the chest. “You will not do this to him.”
“It is done, Oakridge,” she responds quickly “You know I can ruin you with the information I have.”
“What happened then?” Vera’s soft, innocent tone drags me from the horrid memory, causing me to turn around and finally face her.
“It didn’t happen overnight, but slowly, with every girl I spent time with, it never worked. I didn’t understand it, but then, when the woman I was last with saw my true desires, that’s when I realized that it’s true—my soul is black, stained with needs nobody could ever cure me of.”
“But you’re not evil, Logan. You’re not your father, and this—” she waves her hand in the air while shaking her head in disbelief — “curse, is bullshit.”
“It’s not bullshit,” I bite out. “I’ve lived with it for most of my adult life and . . .” Shaking my head, I turn away from her again, not needing to see how she’s watching me right now. It makes me feel like I can be that man for her, and I know I can’t. “I can’t change who I am.”