While She Sleeps

Do I really want to bring her into my life?

I’m sure if I went up there right now, she’d forgive me for what happened. I wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t, but with Vera, I realize that she sees past the volatile exterior to see the person I want to be.

And deep down, if I had to be brutally honest with myself, I want to be that man for her. I do want this to work. I want nothing more than to give her the house, the dog, and even a family.

I suppose a new day will come, and we’ll find out if we can move past my insecurities. The darkness engulfs me as I look out at the trees that are now black. The night has taken hold of the cabin and as I sip the bourbon that I had kept stashed away, I feel like I’m at war with myself.

I should never have allowed her to talk me into sex. Or even just trying to be intimate. The last time we did this, she passed out. Granted, it was only for a minute or so, but it was still something I can never forgive myself for. This time, the hunt and chase had been erotic. It sparked something inside me that I had hidden away in the darkest depths. I want her. All of her, and I didn’t think about the consequences.

I know I can’t leave Vera, but her being here will ensure she’s safe. If I had to take her into the city with me, she’d only be walking around with a target on her back. And that’s not something I’m prepared to let happen.

23

Vera

I’ve lost all sense of time and day since arriving at the cabin, but it’s been good. After Logan allowed me out of my bedroom, we’ve spent each day talking, getting to know each other on a personal level rather than sexually.

The sun hasn’t risen yet, but I’ve been awake for hours. Or what feels like hours. Logan isn’t in bed, and when I woke up, I reached for him, which is something I never expected myself to do.

I wonder if he’s still feeling guilty about what happened because he hasn’t really made a move to be intimate again. He shouldn’t, and I wish he’d listen to me when I tell him so. But the stubbornness so clear in his eyes whenever he looks at me will always be a problem.

The door opens. My heart catapults into my throat, and I take him in. He doesn’t say anything for a long while, so I move, pushing off the bed and padding over to where he’s standing rigid.

“Good morning?” I ask because I’m not sure if it’s good or not.

“I need to go away for a little while,” he tells me without responding to my question. “I’m going to trust that you’re not going to leave. My father found your apartment, and I doubt he’s going to give up because you weren’t there.”

“Where are you going?” I look up at him. His eyes are dark, almost black from whatever is bothering him.

“I need to meet him face-to-face because this can’t continue.” His voice is husky as he takes a step closer to me. “I need some space from you as well. To think.”

“What’s there to think about? Why would you go to him? Won’t he hurt you? He’s dangerous, Logan.” The words tumble free from my lips. The fear of what could happen to him if he ever came into contact with Herbert again sends cold dread through my veins.

“He can’t hurt me,” Logan tells me. He reaches up, cupping my face in one of his large hands. His touch turns the cold to warmth, and I no longer feel fear, but desire. His thumb swipes across my lips, and in the next second, he crashes his mouth to mine. His tongue sweeps against mine. We twist and tangle, tasting each other. The coffee flavor from him makes me smile against his mouth.

Finally, Logan pulls away. “I wanted to walk away, to send you away,” he admits, lacing his fingers through mine. “But I can’t do that.”

“Why?” I ask, looking up into the darkest eyes I’ve ever seen. He no longer seems guarded around me, which is good, but there’s still a hint of restraint that he’s holding onto.

“Because I’m a selfish bastard,” he tells me. A small smile tilting his lips upward. “And I can’t imagine you walking away from me.” He motions toward the door. “Freshen up, I’ll be in the kitchen.” He gives me one more kiss before he leaves, making his way down the stairs. “Come down when you’re done.”

Once he’s disappeared, I head to the bathroom and shut the door behind me. I use the toilet before I step in front of the basin. It’s small, a one-person sink, where I open the tap and splash my face with the icy water.