“Chin up girl, we all have a best. Some of us just have to go through hell to find it.” Sadie’s lips parted into a sparing smile as she lined up the four tumblers and carefully filled them with liquid.
Bonnie snorted again, her courage and anger growing with each drink. “There are so many fucking rules. Who I can and can’t date or hang out with. They didn’t want us to be friends, but they were okay to hitching me to a drunken junkie whoremonger!”
She took another sip before Sadie pried the glass from her hand.
“They’re hypocrites and now I’m an almost twenty-two-year-old virgin. Can you believe it?”
“Totally,” Kat said with a laugh before she realized her mistake.
“Sorry but, no offense, you’re just uptight. Really uptight. Like you’ve never known the joy of being fucked. It’ll loosen you right up, make it easier to think clearly. Trust me.”
Again, Kat spoke with authority and I thought she must have a very satisfying sex life.
Bonnie’s gaze shifted to Sadie, who she obviously saw as the authority on all things. Sadie nodded.
“Sometimes sex is just a physical release. Sometimes it can be so much more than that. A means of control. A tether. A drug. A prison. Heaven.” Sadie was lost for a minute and I wondered who she was thinking of in that moment. “It should be whatever you need it to be,” she said, casting a wise glance at each of us. “Always.”
Bonnie nodded. “What if I need it to be special?”
Bonnie’s parents had made her believe sex was sacred and they heaped on all the Catholic guilt they could, screwing her up even more than the rest of us.
“Then make it special.” Sadie pulled out a small tin that contained rolling papers and the most fragrant pot I’d ever smelled.
“Don’t rely on men to know what you feel or tell you what to feel. If you want a special sexual adventure, create it, and find the man to help you fulfill the fantasy. Don’t build the fantasy around him.”
Her fingers moved deftly, sprinkling the ground herbs between the thin sheet of paper and rolling it up like an expert. She looked up and pointed at Bonnie. “You are the fucking fantasy.”
“Is that…marijuana?” Bonnie eyed the joint like it was a poisonous snake.
“It is,” Kat said and accepted it from her mother. “And it’s legal in this state. So chill.”
She took two long pulls and handed it to Bonnie. “Think of this as almost as relaxing as having sex, only way less invasive.”
Bonnie looked to me, and I nodded. “It won’t hurt you.”
From there Bonnie’s troubles lessened temporarily as she found humor in just about everything, not to mention a fascination with all the constellations on display in the night sky.
“This is not how I saw my summer playing out,” she said after a long period of silence.
I took my turn and soon was stoned enough to let my body relax into the chair until I felt weightless, but not so much that my mind didn’t wander. Didn’t wonder what Virgil was up to or relive jumping out that window. Running for my life.
“Maisie, tell me, and be honest. What are your intentions with my son?” Sadie’s voice was cool and even but there was an intensity in her eyes I knew, in that moment, I never wanted to be on the wrong side of. It was fucking chilling.
I swallowed, trying to figure out the best way to answer through a fog of too much liquor and really good pot.
“I’m not sure. I like him and I want to be with him. Hell, I even care about him more than I realized. But I need time to think. I’m still young.”
“What? You think my brother isn’t good enough for you?” Kat’s words were serious but mischief pinkened her cheeks and lit her eyes.
“No, it’s not that,” I tried to explain as best I could. “I had this huge grandiose idea of what a serious relationship meant and how it should be, but being with Virgil has shown me that’s not what it means. And I have to make sure I’m okay with that alternative.”
I wasn’t sure if any of that made sense but I hoped like hell it did, because Sadie Ashby was one scary ass bitch.
“Damn, that was deep. So grownup,” Bonnie said, awe filling her voice.
“Does that mean you don’t plan to leave Glitz anytime soon?” Sadie asked me and I saw her toughness for what it was, protectiveness plain and simple. She loved her family and wanted to see them happy no matter what the cost. Growing up with Peaches, I knew that feeling.
“Right now, I don’t plan to but I need to figure out what I’m going to do with the rest of my life now that I’m a college graduate.” I hadn’t even had time to start thinking about the future, but now it was time.