Charming Hannah (Big Sky 1)

“And dessert, apparently.”

We’ve arrived at her house, but I don’t follow her up to her door. She walks back down to the bottom of the steps. “You don’t want to come in?”

“I do.” I cup her cheek and she leans into my touch. “So I’d better not.”

She looks disappointed, but nods. “I don’t have to be at the clinic until noon tomorrow,” she informs me. “In case you need anything.”

I lean in and cover her lips with mine, tasting the sweetness from the huckleberries and the cinnamon she just ate. Tasting her.

“Have a good night,” I murmur against her lips and turn to leave.

When I start my truck and drive away, she’s still standing on her sidewalk, her fingers on her lips, watching me go.

***

I’m in the water. I’m an excellent swimmer, but I can’t move. It’s like I’m trudging through wet cement. My legs are heavy, and I can’t get through the water fast enough.

I look up and see Kendall floating in the water, face down, just twenty feet away from me. If I can just get over to him, I might be able to save him. What’s he doing in the water?

Suddenly, I’m surrounded by floating bodies. My men. My sister and brother. Hannah. All just out of my reach.

I can’t save them.

The water is rising around me, no longer just around my legs, but up to my chest now. Then my chin, and over my head.

I’m completely submerged, my feet still held in the bottom of the lake. I look up and see faces staring down at me. Faces of those I love. Their eyes are wide open, glaring at me in accusation.

You didn’t even try to save us.

I’m fighting to swim. To dislodge my feet, but it’s no use. I can’t get free.

I wake up, sitting the bed, screaming. I’m covered in sweat, and Sadie is standing beside me, whining in worry.

I still can’t breathe. I tip my face up, gasping for air and trying to push the terror away.

I haven’t had an episode like this in over a year, but it’s not surprising after yesterday. The sadness is here again, but the guilt is gone.

There was nothing I could do about what happened. I couldn’t save him.

But my friend is hurting, and that makes me sad. A kid who had a bright future ahead of him is gone, and that’s the biggest tragedy of all.

I push my hands through my soaked hair, then pat the bed, inviting Sadie up. She’s not usually allowed on the bed, but I could use some companionship right now, and Hannah is clear across town.

Hannah.

She calmed me down yesterday. She seemed to understand, and I don’t think I’ve ever known anyone except my dad who could really understand what this part of the job is like.

She’s a special woman, and now that I have her in my life, I’m not going to fuck it up.

Sadie finally lays her head down to sleep, and I leave the bed for a shower. I’m gross, as if I’d been in the ring at the gym for an hour. Once clean, I put on clothes for the day and brew a cup of coffee.

It’s only four in the morning, but I’m up for the day. I’ll never go back to sleep now.

I want to go to Hannah’s and climb into bed with her, but she’s asleep, and we aren’t quite there yet. Soon, I hope.

Sadie pads out of the bedroom, her eyes sleepy.

“You don’t have to get up,” I tell her, but she sits next to me, always loyal. I let her outside and set some food down for her, which she appreciates when she comes back in. Finally, I sit in my living room with another cup of coffee and Sadie at my feet and wait for morning.

Four hours later, I walk into Drips & Sips and nod at Anna, the owner who happens to be working behind the counter today.

“Are you taking coffee to a certain doctor again today?” she asks. Anna might be the nosiest person in town, which is saying a lot because Cunningham Falls has its share of nosy people.

“I am,” I reply with a nod. “And I’ll take my usual as well.”

She gets busy making our drinks.

“Heard about that poor Reardon boy,” Anna says, shaking her head. “Do you have anything you can tell me?”

“No, ma’am,” I reply and grit my teeth. “It’s an ongoing investigation.”

“It’s just so horrible. Poor Kyle. He must just be devastated.”

“I’m sure.” Just make the fucking coffee.

Anna keeps chirping about Kendall and his mom, then finally passes the coffees to me, which I throw a bill down for and tell her to keep the change, just wanting to get the hell out of here.

Sadie is waiting patiently for me in the car. When I turn down Hannah’s street, Sadie gets excited. She already knows where Hannah’s house is.