“Fuck that, you’re going to tell me what in the hell happened on that boat.”
“Well, I was thrown in the water against my will and my hair got wet. No means no, Brad. I figured the chief of police would understand that.”
His eyes narrow, and look a little hurt, and that just makes me feel guilty.
He didn’t deserve that, and I can’t look him in the eyes anymore.
“Bullshit,” he says at last and tips my chin up. “This isn’t about your hair. You’re lying to me, and you know how I feel about that.”
“Well, that’s the only answer you’re going to get.”
I push out of his arms and march for the door, but when I turn the knob, I pause, lowering my head in shame.
This isn’t who we are.
“I’m scared,” I whisper, then latch the door again and turn to face him. “I was so scared.”
“Of what?”
“Of the water.”
“You can swim.”
“You’re not listening to me.”
“I’m sorry.” He looks genuinely baffled, which I understand. I’m baffled by me all the time. “Tell me. Make me hear you.”
“I don’t give a shit about my hair. And of course I can swim. It’s not that I’m afraid of water, I’m afraid of this water. This lake.”
I step to him, needing him to understand.
“I’ve been terrified all day. Actually, I’ve been afraid since Grace mentioned that we’d be on the boat today. All I can think about is, someone is going to dive in and get electrocuted.”
“Oh, sweetheart.”
“I know you said that it’s okay, and I believe you. I know that you would never put anyone at risk, but I’m afraid of it anyway.”
“Why didn’t you just say something?”
“Because it’s ridiculous.” I feel a tear fall on my cheek, and I’m just mortified. “And I’m meeting your parents for the first time, and I want them to like me. I don’t want to feel different. I know that I’m safe with you, always, but I can’t get it out of my head. I do not want to be in that water. On the water? Fine, I can do that, but not in it. And it scared the shit out of me when you were in it because if something were to happen to you—”
“Shh,” he says and pulls me against him hard, holding me so tight I don’t know when I end and he begins. “Stop thinking that way. I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart. I’m right here. And if you don’t want to go into the water for any reason, you don’t have to. I’m sorry I didn’t listen.”
“It’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“No, you’re right. No means no. I don’t think you’re different or weird. You feel the way you feel, and that’s okay.”
His hand is circling firmly over my back, soothing me, and it’s the best feeling in the world. I’m calmer now; the giant butterflies in my stomach are gone.
And I was in the water and survived.
“Do you want to go home?” he asks.
“Do you want me to go home?”
“Hell, no. We have prime seats for fireworks.” He smiles and brushes his thumb over the apple of my cheek. “I want you to stay with us, and I want to enjoy the rest of the day with you.”
“I want that too. Grace said something about iced coffees.”
He chuckles and kisses my forehead, then my nose and finally my lips.
“You can have whatever you want as long as you stay.”
Chapter Ten
~Hannah~
“YOU CHEATED!” JENNA YELLS below us. I’m sitting on the upper deck of Grace’s house, my second iced coffee sitting at my elbow, and Brad and I are listening to the others battling it out over ping pong below us.
“I had no idea that people put ping-pong tables outside,” I say and laugh when Max swears ripely.
“Did you see that patio? It’s huge.” Brad slips his hand over mine and gives it a squeeze. “Do you feel better?”
“I do,” I reply truthfully and lean in to kiss his arm. “Thanks.”
“Brad!” Jacob yells up. “You need to come down here and try to beat Grace. She’s beat everyone else.”
“I’m fine up here,” Brad calls down, but I shake my head.
“You should go play. I’m seriously great. I’m enjoying the view and my coffee.”
“You’re sure?”
“Completely sure.”
He kisses me quickly and then hurries down to play.
“Okay, Grace, it’s on,” I hear him say and I smile at the sound of his voice.
I do feel much better. Talking to Brad helped. I should have just told him how I felt this morning, and the whole embarrassing episode never would have happened. I live too much in my own head. I overthink and it gets me in trouble.
I need to trust. To loosen up. To go with the flow.
I smirk because going with the flow is probably not something I’ll ever do. But I am learning to trust.