Fueled by my anger and other emotions, I sat at my desk and began to write. It was around eleven AM when I started. By the time I stopped, it was almost six at night. I couldn’t believe I had written that much, but I did feel a little proud, though when I saw the stack of pages before me.
Deciding that was enough work, for now, I grabbed my papers to put them away. I was moving around when my stomach suddenly felt funny, like waves of nausea, which was weird because I hadn’t eaten all day. I had been too focused on Alex and my writing.
I told myself, “Maybe I just worked too hard and need a bit to eat.” However, the mere thought of food made me gag. Weird. I reached for a bottle of water that was sitting on my desk. Maybe a small sip would calm my stomach.
As soon as the water slid down my throat, I could feel it coming back up. I ran to the bathroom and vomited out all the water into the toilet. After a few moments of heaving, I flushed the toilet and went to wash my face. My body felt tired and shaky. I could already feel the nausea again.
I looked at my reflection in the mirror. “It can be,” I said to myself in disbelief. I waited a few minutes for the nausea to pass, grabbed my purse, and left the room. I went down to the lobby and asked the concierge, “Could you tell me where the nearest drug store is?”
“Yes, there’s one right down the street from us. It’s a really close walk,” he informed me with a smile.
“Thank you!” I replied as I left in a hurry.
I practically jogged over to the store, bought what I needed, and ran back to my room, wanting to be back in case I threw up again. Sitting on the cool tile of the bathroom floor, I waited for the results of the pregnancy test I had just taken, counting down the seconds on my phone. When it was time, I took a deep breath, then nervously reached for the test.
I wasn’t really shocked or surprised to see that the result was positive. Putting the test back on the counter, I walked out of the bathroom. I had a feeling that’s why I had been throwing up, so that part I was prepared for.
What I wasn’t prepared for was being on my own. I realized quickly that it would be my only option. Alex had proven that he couldn’t be trusted. Now that I was having his baby, I couldn’t risk him running off again. I didn’t want this baby to go through what I went through.
That made it easy for me to decide that I wouldn’t tell Alex about my pregnancy. Besides, it would only drive him away. I was smart and resourceful enough to handle things on my own. Alex and his immaturity would only complicate things.
Now, my main priority would be having and taking care of this baby. I couldn’t let anything distract me from that. I wanted to write, but I was too afraid of throwing up again. Instead, I lay on the bed and looked at the ceiling. What I really needed to do was relax and get as much rest as possible. I knew I was going to need it. Tomorrow I would start researching everything I needed to know about raising a baby on my own.
Gradually I felt my eyes get heavier and heavier until I fell into a deep and dreamless sleep. This was exactly what I needed at the moment — just to cut off from everything. I would wake up in the morning refreshed and ready to deal with it all by myself.
Chapter Ten – Alex
After leaving the resort, I hung out in Colorado Springs, thinking about what I had just done. I was confused, trying to deal with too many emotions and feelings, so I started to question my actions. Had I acted too rashly? Maybe I had made a mistake by leaving the retreat and Hazel like that. I didn’t know what to think. Instead of reaching for a drink like I desperately wanted to, I decided to reach out to a good friend who lived in town for some much-needed advice.
I called my friend Gibson, who I had known since we were young. “Look, I’m in a situation and just need to talk to someone. Is it okay if I stop by?” I asked into the phone.
“Yeah, go ahead. I’m not doing anything tonight,” Gibson replied, and he gave me his address.
After hanging up with him, I took a cab from the airport to his house. It wasn’t that long of a ride, and the weather was decent for this time of year.