Chapter Eleven – Hazel
The next few weeks that I spent at the writer’s retreat were difficult. I wrestled a lot with my feelings. I missed Alex. I was happy that I had found him, and that things between us had developed into something more. Still, it always came back to the fact that I couldn’t stand the way he just ran off when things got too difficult for him. It was childish and immature.
I started to guess that stuff like that was normal for him. Just the thought of him made me so frustrated and angry I had to remind myself to take deep breaths or count to ten. It took a long time before I was able to calm down enough to function.
By the end of the first week without Alex, any feelings of love, or anything else that I felt for him was reduced to nothing. I knew he wasn’t coming back. There was nothing I could do to change that. I convinced myself that I was better off without him, and I didn’t need to deal with situations like the one he had caused. I had enough on my plate already.
Even though I was emotional, I had made real progress with my novel, and I couldn’t have been happier. I still managed to attend the group classes at the retreat in spite of my morning sickness. Those classes were proving to be a great help to me, and I was more than halfway done with my book.
I had made some acquaintances out of the other writers there, but my only real friend was Jay. One morning as I was getting ready for the group, I decided to let Jay in on what had happened between Alex and me. I needed someone to talk to or confide in, and he was my only option.
I cautiously made my way downstairs and found him in a corner of the conference room writing.
“Can I join you?” I asked before sitting next to him.
Jay looked up from his computer and gave me a big smile. “Of course! It’s been a few days since I’ve seen you,” he greeted me happily. Jay was always in a good mood. He put his laptop away and looked at me curiously. “Why do I get the feeling that something is bothering you?” he asked.
I looked away nervously, not sure how to tell him.
He reached out and patted my hand gently. “We’re friends, Hazel. You can trust me and tell me anything.” Jay spoke in a comforting tone to me. His words made me feel better, and I began to breathe a little easier.
“You’re right. Do you promise not to tell anyone?” I asked. I needed to be absolutely sure before I said anything to him.
He nodded. “I promise.”
I took a deep breath and leaned forward. “I’m pregnant,” I whispered.
He looked around quickly to make sure no one was near us before giving me a sympathetic hug. Jay knew I was keeping other stuff from him, but he didn’t push the issue. “Well, I’m your friend, and I’m here if you need me. And thank you for trusting me enough to confide in me,” he replied.
I smiled at him. “Of course, no need to thank me,” I replied.
After our hug, the conversation took a serious turn. “So, are you going to raise the baby on your own?” he asked quietly. Jay knew I was by myself, and he didn’t pressure me for details about the situation with Alex, which was a relief.
I looked at the ground as I answered. “I have to. I have no other options, really.”
Which was the truth. I was literally on my own with a baby. No matter how old Alex was, he was always going to behave like an immature child. He could be of no use to the baby and me because he kept acting like that.
“Well, I am here for you. I’ll help in any way I can. In fact, I think I’ll go research some information for you. I had just finished writing for the day anyway,” Jay said with a smile.
I gave him a friendly hug. “Thank you! That means so much to me!”
He smiled again and squeezed my hand before walking away.
I was left in the conference room by myself. Other people were walking around the open space, but I paid no attention to them. Torn between nausea and hunger, I just sat there and waited for one of those feelings to take over. I was also waiting for the excitement to kick in.
So far, this pregnancy had made me feel nervous and a little scared. I knew I was strong enough to handle it, but it was still daunting to do it all on my own. I should be used to it, though, because that’s the way my life had been since dad died.