My father and I emerged from the corridor into the vestibule. I knew she was aware of me—I was a difficult guy to miss. But she kept her eyes downcast, her face serious. Wounded and almost scared.
Fuck. Normally after one of our spats, I’d say some shit to offend her and get her away from me, and then she’d need a little while to cool off before meeting my gaze again. But not this time. She was upset, really upset, and it was my fault.
I went too fucking far this time. Both with the kiss and the threat toward Maria.
I only ever wanted to push her past her limits in my fantasies, when I fucked her in my bed. In real life, I didn’t want to push so hard that I lost her. If I lost her, it would be the end of me. Simple as that.
“Princess,” I said. I’d snapped that word at her so many times, so rudely, that I found I couldn’t make it sound anything but unkind. It hadn’t been my intention, but it came out like a curse. She stiffened, but she didn’t acknowledge me. Instead, she curtsied to my father and then turned away, hurrying down the hallway toward her chambers, raising her finger to the edge of her eye as if to brush away a tear.
Shit, shit, shit.
I could endure a lot of things in life, but I couldn’t take her pushing me away for good. I had to know if I’d gone too far, if I’d fucked it all up, or if she might forgive me. What she did in public was one thing, but what she did in private was another. There wasn’t a chance in hell I could focus on anything else until I knew how she really felt for sure.
“I’ve got something to do, father,” I told him in what I hoped was a haughty voice. “I need to get going.”
My father didn’t respond right away. His head had been turned by another young girl, this one carrying a basket full of rolls for the dinner that night.
“Sure, son… I’m…. I’ve got something I’d like to do as well…” He trailed off, following the girl down the hallway.
“Wait.” I stalled and he turned. “I forgot…” I conjured up a lie to buy enough time for the young girl to get far enough away it would be unlikely he would keep following her. “When I was coming through the garden…” I cleared my throat. “The Queen. She’s looking for you. My apologies I forgot to mention it when I first saw you.”
He grimaced, one more glance down the hall but the girl was gone thank fuck.
“What does she want now?”
I shrugged. “Not sure. Something about the guests tonight.”
That got him. I didn’t know shit about who was coming tonight, but evidently they were important because my father turned in the other direction and grumbled something less than complementary about his wife and disappeared around the corner.
With relief I’d done what I could for the young girl, I cast off my thoughts of my degenerate father and everything else, I hustled down the hallway, toward the secret passageway that ran behind Anika’s rooms.
I knew the secret hideaways and hidden doors of the castle like the back of my goddamned hand. Though the passage behind her rooms was pitch dark, I knew exactly where I was: right behind her dressing chamber. I wiggled a cork that I used to block one of the knotholes in the wooden wall and placed it on a natural shelf in the brickwork. Light came through in a bright circle, and I took my place behind it, peering through.
She was right in the middle of changing her clothes for dinner and had just slipped off her dress. She’d arranged the room with a screen between her and the door, so that Maria could bring and take her clothes without her having to be naked in front of her maid. But I had a clear view of her when she thought she was most alone.
Anika passed the blue dress around the screen and Maria laid it carefully over her forearm. “I’ll leave you to get changed,” Maria said, smiling down at the dress, fingering the elegant stitch work that I had ensured was the best that money could buy.
“Maria, do you think there’s time for me to have a bath before dinner?”
“Of course. I’ll have the charwoman fill the tub and I’ll get fresh towels. I’ll knock when it’s ready.”
Maria left the room, and Anika paused, listening for the latch to close on the door. I loved watching her naked in this room; she had a full-length mirror on the wall next to the knot hole.
Whenever she looked at herself, like she was now, it was like she was putting on a private show, just for me. For my eyes only. She slipped off her underclothes and stood naked, looking at herself, turning this way and that on her tiptoes, lifting her ass.