But where in the world was he?
My bedroom door swung open and I scrambled for my quilt to cover myself. Maria rushed in and ran to me, wrapping her arms around me. Her skin was dewy and cool after her morning bath, and she smelled of lilacs. But her embrace was intense and concerned. She clutched at me in what felt like both relief and shock.
“What happened?” She asked.
So, so much had happened, but how in the world would she know about any of it? Then it dawned on me, as my sleepiness and confusion cleared—the last time she’d seen me was before I ran away. And now I was back. That had to be what she meant.
“I…” I stammered, pulling back slightly from her embrace. “I needed some time. I’m so sorry if I worried you.”
But when she looked me in the eye, I saw that wasn’t what she meant at all. “The whole castle is buzzing with whispers,” she said, searching my face for some sort of answer. “There are guards outside your bedroom. And outside your door and window, someone has put…” She trailed off, as if she couldn’t find the words. She was never lost for words, never. Now though, she absolutely was. Her cheeks reddened with a blush of embarrassment and she lowered her eyes.
“Put what?”
Her eyes darted around the room. “It’s…”
“Maria,” I said, grabbing her by the shoulders. “Tell me.”
She met my eyes, and blinked once, before saying, “Bloody bedsheets. The blood from your maidenhead. For everybody to see.”
My heart plummeted and I felt like I was about to be sick. Last night, everything had seemed perfect. Everything had seemed possible.
It was just Maksim and me; the rest of the world hadn’t mattered at all. But now, in this awful light of day, I was left with nothing but regret. What had I done? And how dare he leave me to face this on my own?
Hot bile climbed up into my throat. All that talk about being married in the old way, I was sure was just between the two of us. Never, not once in my wildest moments, did I imagine that Maksim would actually dangle proof of what we had done out for all the world to see and judge.
I was so ashamed, so mortified, that I ran naked to the door, stumbling into the table as I rushed passed hearing a clunk as I disrupted the items on the tabletop, then I heard water splattering onto the floor behind me along with the crash of crystal as the water pitcher met the stone on the floor.
Ignoring the mess I’d made, I cracked the door barely an inch, and tried to yank the half sheet inside. But as I did, the door was drawn shut, nearly pinching my fingers.
“I’m sorry, my lady,” said a strong, ferocious male voice from outside. “I’m under orders. This cannot be removed.”
Orders. That meant one of two things—either the king had ordered that they be left there, or Maksim had. And it certainly wasn’t the king, since he was many miles and several kingdoms away. So that left one possibility. The worst of all. It was Maksim’s doing. He had done this. And he was holding me hostage inside my room, powerless to stop the world from knowing what we had done.
I lurched forward, feeling sick again. My knees wobbled and the room spun. I pounded on the door with heel of my hand.
“What do you mean?” I said, jiggling the knob, yanking at the door with all my strength to try to open it. “It’s my room. It’s my…” My what? I asked myself. My virginity, my sin, my… shame. “Please,” I begged. “You must let me take it.”
“No, my lady. I cannot and I will not.” A scraping sound of steel against stone on the other side of the door told me that the guard had jammed his sword against the knob.
I buried my face in my hands, willing myself to wake up from this nightmare. But the harder I tried to force myself into consciousness, the more real the situation became.
Maria had said it was out both my window and my door. My chamber door was, in fact, the lesser of the two evils. These were my private quarters; the only people that would be passing were servants, which was awful in and of itself, but nothing compared with all of Estana being able to see the proof of my lost maidenhead.
“Take it inside,” I said to her. “Maria, take the sheet in!”
She nodded, quickly, and darted through to the window of my dressing room, throwing it open to the sound of laughter from below. Maria’s snarl shocked me; I’d never heard her angry before. “Shut up, you little bitches! Talking about your princess like that will get you hanged!”