“Yeah.”
“Do you think anyone will ever love me?”
Oh shit! My heart cracks a little for her. She comes from such a broken place, I’m afraid I won’t be enough to help put her back together. Especially since I’m the more fucked-up of the both of us. I did just kill a man, and I’m not the least bit freaked out about it. If anything I am happy.
“Heather, I love you.” Her eyes beam with light. “But I still need you to leave. Sorry, but I have to sleep.” She runs to me, throws her arms around my body.
“Thank you, Issy. I love you, too.” She pulls back and her smile is so wide that I feel bad. She leaves shortly afterward and I head straight to the bathroom to strip my clothing. Turning the shower on, I step into the scalding water and let it burn my skin, ridding myself of anything that’s him.
Having that piece of scum’s hands on me made me feel physically sick. The thought of having his fingers inside me seeps into my mind, and it makes me lean over and spew.
I let this happen, it was my choice, but it doesn’t make it any easier, though. To have been violated that way, to have his fingers slam inside of me and pretend to him that I was there for him, makes me shudder in so many different ways.
I love sex.
But Mack? Mack is more fucked-up and screwed up than anyone I’ve ever let touch me.
If I have to deal with something like that again, I’m not sure I can.
Letting the hot water burn my skin, I sit on the floor until everything else goes numb, replacing one pain with another is all I can think to do. Eyes red, they fill with water, then I let the tears fall, mixing my pain with the shower water.
It’s all I can do.
Benny’s voice is the first thing I hear when I open my eyes, he’s banging on my door so deafeningly and my name’s being screeched even louder. Sitting up, I pull my robe around me tightly as I head to open it. When I do, his face is red and his mouth is in a tight thin line. He pushes past me and into the room, while shaking his head he starts pacing back and forth.
“You’re going to ruin my already ruined carpet,” I say to him.
He looks at me, his eyebrows pinched together then he looks back to the carpet but continues to pace. I take a seat on one of the two seats at a small table waiting for him to speak.
“You…” he pauses while points his finger at me then starts walking again, pacing back and forth.
“Yes. Me…” I say nodding.
He stops again.
“Issy, you’ve fucked-up real bad.”
I sit up straighter.
Oh fucking hell! What does he know? Shit. What the fuck.
“What are you talking about?”
Benny shakes his head again. “You went with them. Why would you do that?” My back is stiff. “Them… you don’t go with them, Issy.” He runs his hand through his gray hair. “Fuck, Issy, now they’re requesting you and that means I have to find a new waitress. Are you fine with this?”
“They want me back there?” I ask, surprised.
“They do…” He pauses. “This isn’t something to be happy about, Issy. You don’t know who these men are.”
“I have an idea, Benny. You don’t need to look after me. I’m pretty capable of doing that all by myself.”
“You don’t. You have no idea. These men aren’t the normal kind that come into the club. They own it. Along with many other things in this town.”
“I know.”
Benny gives me a pointed look. “You don’t. But it is cute that you think you do.” He looks around my empty one-bedroom apartment. “You live here? By yourself?” he asks, confused.
“Yes.”
“Where are your things?”
“I have things, just not shit. I have my clothes and shoes. It’s all I need.”
“No photos. No family?” he asks.
“Nope. Just me, Benny.” I take a deep breath. “As nice as this is Benny, I need to do things today. Going back to sleep is one of them. Hurry this along, will you?”
“Quit while you are ahead,” he says. “You need to leave. I’ve seen what happens to the girls these boys take interest in, it’s never good.”
“Thank you for your concern, Benny.”
He throws up his hands. “I tried, I really did. But you’re just not understanding, Issy. Just know, I’ve warned you, and you should run.” Benny turns, dropping a piece of paper on the table and walking out the door. He turns around, his face is dark, then he slams the door.
Walking over to the note, I notice the address and the time I’m meant to be there. I smile, and sincerely hope I have as much success as I did last night. Every ounce of pain that comes with it, will be worth it. Or so I keep telling myself.